It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

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Zandra Polard 0:49
Good morning Las Vegas. It's Zondra. Poli. It's where I am. today. We have see Reggie Rogers, the number one relationship coach. Hey, Reggie.

Unknown Speaker 1:06
What's happening? Yes, yes, yes. How are you?

Zandra Polard 1:09
Hey, man, I'm doing great. I had to have you back on. Because we had Dr. Mohler on a couple of weeks ago. And she was giving her perspective of dating after divorce. And I said, you know, I've got to have the male perspective on here. Right. And I instantly thought of you. So thank you. Thank you for coming on.

Unknown Speaker 1:35
I appreciate the invite. It's always good to spend this time with you. And you know, we could have a delightful dialogue. So I think it'll be a lot of fun hanging out with you again today.

Zandra Polard 1:45
Oh, yeah. So can you tell us what about these women who are getting back out there on the playing field, and thinking about dating again. So we're talking about women, or men, people who have been divorced, and getting back out? To start dating again, of course, you want to make sure that you're ready? By doing some work on yourself first, right? Agree, right? You don't want to just jump out there and start dating, give yourself a minute, and learn from the mistakes? Maybe you've made the mistake, or maybe they did. But let's take in that learning lesson, before we run back out and, you know, dive into another relationship.

Unknown Speaker 2:37
So what are things that they say one of the things that they say is important when it comes to what you're saying is they say that you should, before you get back out into the dating pool, or the data field of person should take the time, as you said to work on themselves, but you should be able to go through every major holiday, without having regrets without, without having any down feelings. Okay? It will feel so when you get to that place of being able to go through every major holiday alone, by yourself, and you can feel good about going through those major holidays. Of course, memories will come up but you don't let them you don't come to let them overtake you. You don't become overcome by them. But when you can go through those major holidays Did you read?

Zandra Polard 3:31
Wow, that's great advice. That never would have popped up for me. I guess that's why you have the title.

Unknown Speaker 3:41
But baby, you know, and then and then the other thing too, that there's another dynamic that comes to play, you know, in this conversation, the fact that the dating, dating changes. So if you've been in a relationship for a long period of time, you've been married for a long period of time. And then you decide now you're going to get back out there. You have to, first of all, you have to be true to yourself and know that getting back out there, it's not going to be the same as it was 15

Zandra Polard 4:13
years ago, right? Because now you'll have to deal with social media. Right? That's how most people are doing now. Right? I couldn't imagine. So what are your thoughts about, you know, what do they call it like tenders and social media apps?

Unknown Speaker 4:32
I mean, again, I think we talked about this on your last show, but as you can see, it can be a friend or foe. I think it's because of what you want to gain from it. What's your objective behind it, but apps can be a friend or they can be a foe? I think that you should always cover yourself in regards to when it comes to utilizing those apps. covering yourself simply means that you should have some type of regimen where it keeps you To safeguard, you know what I mean? And then having that regimen mean, maybe we text first, and we talk first, don't just jump right out and say, Okay, let me I need to, I need to put something in place where I'm safe. Got it, like I really get to know, because you're still never really get to know the person. But at least you've done your due diligence as best as possible so that you can get to know so things in regards to making you feel somewhat

Zandra Polard 5:28
cold. He was saying something about getting out to date, like going, you know, to play golf or to play tennis or be active in some way.

Unknown Speaker 5:41
Yeah, cuz I'm all about organic and natural. I think that when you meet somebody organically and naturally supermarket, meet somebody in a supermarket. Yes. You mentioned the supermarket. And, you know, carwash not all about organic and natural, you know, so I think when you meet somebody organically like that, it gives you a better opportunity to be face to face, eyeball to eyeball, so you can see through them to see what's really in this, as opposed to meeting behind a computer.

Zandra Polard 6:11
Right, that's where you get all the catfishing. Yeah. So anyhow, you are really about journaling. I know that you have some workshops. I know you have some workshops, that deal with a lot of journaling. Can you tell us more about those?

Unknown Speaker 6:32
Well, journaling is all you know, it's all about understanding us getting to the place where you're, you feel good about us. Oh, you know, it says, Know thyself. Yes. And the only way that you want to know thyself, is really, in all you're getting, you get an understanding of yourself. So you have to do all the necessary steps. And utilize all the tools that it takes. So that you can really get to the substratum into the fullness of who you really are. Because one of the only ask,

Zandra Polard 7:08
I was saying, I tell people like keep a journal or just a plain notebook, and a pen by your bedside.

Unknown Speaker 7:16
Absolutely. When you get a thought write it down, because I'm working on something now. It's about your thoughts that your thoughts out determines your lifestyle, but your thought style, so determined your mate style. Okay, so now you kind of get you get a it's what I call the science of dating. And maybe, because there's a sequence to it all. There's a sequence or order on how to select and how to attract, right? So if you don't select right, if you don't attract, right, then the word instead of it being sequence your orders because you're gonna have a consequence, or

Zandra Polard 7:54
it's called not being equally yoked.

Unknown Speaker 8:01
unequally yoked is okay. Because let me tell you why. I mean, that's all he has. Please explain. This old school Christianity, it sounded good. And it sounded great. But I don't know that I want somebody that's just like me. Because if I have a person who's just like, neither one of us is obsolete. I

Zandra Polard 8:18
don't think it means to be just like the other person. I think it means more. To me.

Unknown Speaker 8:23
You talked about when you talk about unequally yoked and how it has been taught in times past. It's about having the same belief system, it's about being able to sit at the same table and eat the same foods, in terms of what you believe. What's your intake? Is, is your belief system? That's what equally yoked has been taught in the past?

Zandra Polard 8:43
Oh, I just thought it meant that one was not for you.

Unknown Speaker 8:48
Know it, because because because they also go further to say you can't mix night with that. So that's when they talk about an equal yield. How can you mix right was that somebody who doesn't speak they talk about your belief system? Well, I think sometimes, sometimes again, that's why I say it's old school because I think there's sometimes I don't necessarily wants to die Who believes everything that I believe because that's not stretching me that's not expanding. Maybe you don't believe something like that. But but if I'm open enough to receive something that you have to give to me, it can expand me more. Yes, it could take it could take me a place that I haven't been. So that's why I laughed when he said that I said that's a little old school, but you know, people still teach that.

Zandra Polard 9:31
I love that you say that you are open and willing to stretch. Right? Some people are not that way. Some people are, you know, very just they only want to deal with what they know. And so they want someone who's on the same thought process as they are. I mean, we could like I don't want to get into Christianity or or religions or any See, this

Unknown Speaker 10:00
can be really be, I do want the values on the same, what we call frequency, okay, just because we're on the same frequency because all of us are energy. So therefore there's a weightless that we come from and operate within. So I do want somebody who understands the vibratory frequency. That doesn't mean that our beloved that we believe everything in life when it comes on life, when it comes to my belief system, again, you have to be open so that you can be expanded and stretch. Because as you said, some people are not and that's great, you'll stay right where you are. But for me, I'm not about comfortability, I'm more, I'm more of about accountability. I always want to keep myself at a place where I don't just want to be comfortable, I also want to be accountable. Okay.

Zandra Polard 10:50
And that's why it is important for you to work on yourself first. First and foremost, that's right, because you can't rely on you can't rely on someone else to make you happy. You have to have that.

Unknown Speaker 11:08
If you do, you're gonna be in a deficit, exactly. Be in it deficit, just you know, you have to come to the table whole, you have to come to the table, you know, understanding, knowing you being true to yourself, knowing that self you've done the work on ourselves. So that when, when the universe provides that, mate, so to speak, you know, you're ready. You're ready to receive.

Zandra Polard 11:35
Yeah. And as you said before, it's not it's not 5050. It's 100 100. You said that? Yeah, I think we talked about that on your last show. Yes. Well, that was like, almost a year ago, we had you now come on. Oh, you know, I'm

Unknown Speaker 11:50
just bringing a pretty good memory. Well, Olga, I'm

Zandra Polard 11:55
so glad you came back on, I want you to tell us more about the things that you're doing now, you still have the podcast.

Unknown Speaker 12:02
Yes, still have the podcast coaching the colleague, the coach, and the comic would meet with myself, our buddy Lewis, actor, comedian, buddy Lewis, and myself, we still do the coaching the comics. Right now where you're, you know, I've been last I talked about it last year, but it's doing really well with the dating and creating, dating and creating is a curriculum that I created as we're talking about dating to date. But dating and creating is a curriculum that I've created, so that people can get to that place of understanding the five stages to date. Okay, those are more that people realize. They have to buy the packages, but I will definitely get Yeah, no doubt, I'll give you one. Stage one is meeting ingredients. The purpose of stage one is really to determine if there's enough chemistry commonality and a connection, and to see how the conversation goes. So for you know, this stage may take a couple of meetings to determine if you really want to date a particular person. But but the thing is, this stage, you got to be yourself, don't try to be something you're not, don't try to present someone that that's not really you be yourself. And so when you when you understand this stage, this will help you determine if there's a connection if you guys know connection. And you know if the chemistry is there, but I don't really build relationships on chemistry, chemistry is great, but I look for the connection, because you can have chemistry with multiple people, but you're not going to be connected to everybody. So I go through in this stage in the curriculum that I've created, I go through some of the questions that you should ask when you have that meet and greet. You see, there's questions that you should ask because each question I prep it, so that they're layered, so that you can get to the next layer. So the shoes you could see now, if the if it matches your vibratory frequency.

Zandra Polard 14:02
Now, the workshops and the books that you have, are they mostly for people who have been married before?

Unknown Speaker 14:10
Oh, yeah. I mean, so you label me when we start the show is number one relationship coach, that's great, too. But also, the moniker that I've been using lately that also use is this singles empowerment coach. Okay. So if you're single, you know, the whole objective is to empower you so that you get those tools to help so that you become aware and awaken so that you know what it takes to find your fit. That's the single side. And if you've already been in a relationship, or if you're in a relationship, then the goal or the objective is to help you to have a healthy, wholesome, whole relationship, that that relationship has the longevity

Zandra Polard 14:54
and not bring that baggage with you.

Unknown Speaker 14:58
Well, here's the thing you You want to try to minimize baggage as much as possible, you definitely want to minimize it as much as possible. I mean, you want to try to you want to do your best to say that when you come to the relationship, you're coming to the relationship, giving the best presentation of you, you know, showing the best you how can you show the best you, you've done the work on you, so that you can show the best use some people just what I call the Tarzan syndrome. They swing from branch to branch without ever taking the time to do the work, they just branch, branch to branch native swing in the jungle. But you got to do the work,

Zandra Polard 15:38
like you said, taking that time, you know, going that complete year through all of those holidays. Because sometimes we don't understand or realize that some of the issue and problem could be you and not the other person. We can be in denial of ourselves, and the things that we do.

Unknown Speaker 16:02
Like Michael Jackson said, You got to start with the man in the mirror. That's right, start right there. You know, one of the questions that I do ask often when I do seminars, or relationship conferences and things like that is one of the questions that I always throw out there some way somehow, before that day is over is? Do you remember who you were? Before the world told you who you are?

Zandra Polard 16:26
That's powerful. I would say Now

Unknown Speaker 16:31
another question that I'll throw out there is because I'm gonna want you to think is, do you think or do you think you think?

Unknown Speaker 16:42
Oh, wait, oh, that was the question.

Unknown Speaker 16:45
Do you think? Or do you think,

Zandra Polard 16:50
yeah, um, I would say some of all that depends on the day.

Unknown Speaker 16:59
Okay, well see, these are things that again, you do, I'll want you to think. And I want you to put a lot of thought into where you want to go, what you want, what you want to shake what you want to create. You know, we can't predict our future, but what we can do is we can create.

Zandra Polard 17:17
Okay, so now this now that you've mentioned that, what if you are not divorced and looking to date, but you are married? And working on your marriage? What?

Unknown Speaker 17:32
No, no, you need to stop. So I'm taking it, divorce and you're looking to date?

Zandra Polard 17:38
No, no, I'm saying I'm taking it away from dating after divorce. to marriage. Okay. So basically, I'm putting myself in there. I'm hearing. Let's clarify. I'm married. And what if there was an issue in my marriage, where it's like, I can't get my partner to understand what it is I want and where I'm trying to go in the marriage.

Unknown Speaker 18:13
So maybe you need to change the direction in regards to how you're presenting it. Okay? Women have the ability to get a man believe it or not to do anything you want them to do, based off of how you feel.

Zandra Polard 18:28
Okay, that makes total.

Unknown Speaker 18:32
And so a lot of times women wear their emotions on their sleeves. And when they present something that comes out very, very, very, with a bunch of emotions, emotionally driven, to come across as if you're haggling and nagging and nagging. So a man is a man is a warrior. So his defense defense mechanisms are going to come up automatically because he's already a warrior. Okay, but if you shift it and change it, one of the one of the examples I gave seminars is, you know, let's say your husband does not make up the bed in the morning. We do that, right? And he does. Okay, so let's say he does, and you have a problem with it. Okay, and you say, I'm getting so sick and tired of you getting up every morning and I got to come out and you make it up the bed. Well, you're not gonna get that man and make it every morning, right? Come on, you're just getting sick of it, shooting on the bed. But now let's change it. If you say then you cannot say, you know, I don't know if I've ever told you but do you realize that we've been over and pull those sheets up and I can see your biceps about you? It really turns me on. I just think that's so sexy. You see how you changed it

Unknown Speaker 19:49
will make up that. You got to do exactly what you want to do just by changing.

Zandra Polard 19:55
I'm gonna say that tomorrow morning. So Oh, I love the way your biceps look when you make up that bit. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 20:04
boy oh,

Zandra Polard 20:07
boy. Oh, oh my goodness. What about like how do you remember? You know what I mean? Like because often we're in the moment and things happen and it's like dang that's not the outcome I want it now I gotta fix it how do I do it?

Unknown Speaker 20:30
Give me an excellent I mean give me a

Zandra Polard 20:31
like say I do go off the bed What if I do go off on the bed and say I can't stand you never make up the bed in the morning it gets on my nerves. Okay, okay, so I've done that and then I have to tell myself Oh, that's the wrong way to handle it. That's the wrong approach.

Unknown Speaker 20:49
The result is going to make you resent it you're not getting the results you want okay well put it right out there on the floor because I think what is the result that you really want

Zandra Polard 21:04
right but what I think I mean is you know for my listeners is catching that moment you know, like okay, you made a mistake you said it wrong the first time you still have a chance to fix it

Unknown Speaker 21:17
Yeah, but I'm not sure that you want to fix it right then and there come back at another time. Oh really? Just wait just wait right because you've already threw it out there his defense his defense mechanisms have already come up he's a warrior by nature. So try it the next morning come back I wouldn't I don't know necessarily next morning. A little fresh a little bit come back and say you know do you realize why I always have a problem with you make it up a bit. I don't know if I've ever told you reason is because you just really turned me on when you make it up and I don't get to see you do that often. Come back and change.

Zandra Polard 21:49
Okay. Well, you heard it here. And I want to thank you so much for coming on man. You've given some great great advice I really appreciate you coming on the show.

Unknown Speaker 22:01
Thank you for having me against Andres was a huge plum pleasing pleasure.

Zandra Polard 22:06
You're welcome anytime anytime, man. All right, thanks. All right. Thank you Hey 91.5 Jazz and more. This is Andhra polearm it's where I am is here every Saturday at 7:30am and for now I'm gonna hit you with a little John Legend best you ever had

Unknown Speaker 22:54
this what you came for he came

Unknown Speaker 23:05
Let me guess that you missed that twist that baby

Unknown Speaker 23:22
control you need to be the best

Unknown Speaker 23:54
you out you with the best freestyle breaststroke to your last cigarette smoke them now the best route to now we'll get out and we cool down down was baby

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control

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be you

Unknown Speaker 24:56
you live in his lights out Listen, you ain't even got to text me NO NO ONE me and you got that mental telepathy meet me up on the spot I'll be sending over to shout rich the regrets they pop up like a toaster nobody come comes to me and you did you have a step under my umbrella will make it too windy weather except when I'm making stone sex in the greatest form and hibernating in my body. I keep you warm and she and Sheila like the thrill in Manila fly my private jets of villas in Anguilla with oh you won't agree Oh, that's seven days a week Yo my backcourt meal.

Unknown Speaker 26:13
You

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