It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:09
Good morning, Las Vegas, this is entre Polare. With it's where I am. Thank you for tuning in. We're here every second Saturday of the month at 8:30am. Today, my guests are Alexander King, and Dr. David jenis. So Alexander King is the creator, writer, producer of Quirinus. Thank you for being here. Yes. Then we also have Dr. Guinness, who is our mental health therapist, professional, Dr. David Janis. And thank you for being here to provide some insight.

Unknown Speaker 0:49
Absolutely. I'm really excited to be back. Awesome. So

Unknown Speaker 0:52
I'm just going to start with you, Alexandra, because we want to know all about your show. I've watched the whole series. It's awesome. Thank you, thank you. I love it. Totally. Didn't think I didn't know what to expect. But when I watched it, I was definitely tuned in. I mean, everyone leaves me alone, I'm watching this, shut all the doors, you know, because it is mature TV. But you deal with the LGBT plus community. And you're I don't know if they're your personal experiences, but experiences within, you know, that world, I would say, and tell us a little bit more about the show.

Unknown Speaker 1:36
So Aquarius is basically I wanted to create a show where people like me were better represented in the film industry, it's, you know, I don't see much of me and be like, Oh, I'm okay with that. Sometimes I seem like, Well, why would they have to put that in there and it kind of gives us almost like a bad rep. So I you know, I watched another show and I was just like, you know, I want to do something, something different, something more in tune with my life. I'm on my spiritual journey right now. So a lot of my writing has to do with challenging thoughts, spirituality, friendships, relationships, but also with real life stuff. So you know, has a little drama in there things that really happened to people and a lot of these are actually my spirit my experiences, or experiences through like friends and things of that nature.

Unknown Speaker 2:23
Sure, sure. So I know your character because she's in it as well. And there is something else I mean, she has scanned a list.

Unknown Speaker 2:32
Kwame is definitely some experiences from my younger years in life. But each character is almost like an evolved version of me from Kwame being, you know, very shallow minded and dark and hurting and not talking to anyone to say I'm challenging everything, and then to bisa being like, I want better for my life. So it's like a big transition of a lot of stages that I had went through in my life.

Unknown Speaker 2:56
Okay, so I want to ask you, do you consider yourself to be a lesbian? Oh, absolutely. Okay. So moving forward, I would like to know, when did you realize that you were into females? Um,

Unknown Speaker 3:13
I don't think it was like a realization, it was just it. It was it for me, like I had a boyfriend in high school. But I really liked him. Like, we would play basketball, we would pay X Xbox baseball, we did a lot of fun stuff. And that's all it ever was. So he was really my best friend at the time. And I went off to college, and I kind of just came back with a girlfriend. And that was that was my story. It wasn't a convert. I didn't have conversation myself, like, Oh, my God, I like this, or you know what's wrong? Right? It was just like, Okay, this is this isn't me now.

Unknown Speaker 3:41
Because Dr. Judas, you can chime in here because sexuality is a fluid process, right?

Unknown Speaker 3:47
Absolutely. And I think for many individuals, they have an early sense of their physical attraction or who they're attracted to, as far as from like a love type, intimate type perspective. But for many of us, as Lex just identified for her was kind of later on in her adolescent years, which was similar for myself as well. And that my first true love was actually a woman. And then after we kind of dissolve that relationship, and I went to college as well, maybe college has something to do with us coming out. I don't know. But But I left having a boyfriend.

Unknown Speaker 4:23
Okay. Well, so in those college years, isn't that like, when you're finding your identity? Like, is that the identity crisis type period? Or is that adolescent?

Unknown Speaker 4:32
Well, I don't know if it's identity crisis. I think it's more of a coming of age, though, where we have an opportunity to we're away from our parents, from our home environments, and that for many of us, we travel and go away to college. So it's really an opportunity for us to get to know ourselves. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 4:51
That makes perfect sense to me. So what I would like to ask you now is, did you journal when you were young, did you start journaling. How did you get to this? Right? Yes,

Unknown Speaker 5:02
I wrote a lot as a kid, but I always threw it out. Like, I would never want anyone to find my journals. I didn't want anyone know what I thought about it. And it's a lot of stuff that I dealt with, with like, a lot of behaviors I had as a kid that as I got older, and I'm starting to understand who I am, it made so much sense. Like, I was like, why would I throw my stuff out? Why would I do that? And I got, I was in a relationship, and the woman I was dating at the time was like, you want to be seen so bad? You say that, but you don't. And I'm like, What do you mean, I want to I want you to see me. But I noticed I was like, No, I never wanted anyone to see me always through my workout. I didn't keep anything. I didn't want it. So for me, I always wrote and always kept making stories. And then one day, I just was like, I'm, I'm gonna write a script. And I just like, Googled it, YouTubed it and write a script. That's exactly how I learned how to write a script. On Google. Yep. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 5:51
So I know for your show, you have mentioned that you were looking for writers, is there something you want to let our listeners know? Someone? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 5:59
I'm always open for networking and creating a team. And right now I know that I can't do everything by myself. And I spent this first season doing it all alone. Granted, I had the help of my classmates and you know, filming and things of that nature, but for creating and directing, and all those things, I had to teach myself those things. Oh, wow. So I would love to have you know, bring on more writers, eventually Aquarius is going to be a platform where we give the community the sources to create. So people that are going to be writers, okay, I'll take you in, I'll let you do an episode people that want to do videos. Okay, you can do this. And I'm going to just create that where we're doing it for ourselves.

Unknown Speaker 6:39
Oh, that's wonderful.

Unknown Speaker 6:40
We're not like I said, we're not. Like right now, there's a few people that's destined that's in the limelight, that's doing a great job for us. But we need more. Right? If that's the case, you know, I need I need to be in the rooms with people who's doing the more

Unknown Speaker 6:52
more more representation. Absolutely. Okay, so I wanted to ask you, I have all my stuff written down here. And I know that we spoke about Christian conservatives, and that they have this feeling that there's a homosexual agenda. And by you being in Hollywood, or in LA, right. A lot of movies we see now we see more gay and lesbian representation in mainstream movies. So these Christian conservatives, they feel like people from the LGBTQ plus community are pushing their agenda to try and recruit people to become gay. What are your thoughts on that? I'd like to hear from both of you.

Unknown Speaker 7:41
For me, as I don't, I don't see that for myself. It's not part of my story. I don't feel that I'm pushing my agenda on anyone. And I personally don't feel anyone's pushing their agenda on me. And I say that, because I'm very, I'm very direct with what I want and how I want it. And if you're not in line with that, you're no longer in this discussion for me. Awesome. So yeah, don't don't take it personal. And, you know, if they want to push that, then they could push that with someone who's gonna allow them to push.

Unknown Speaker 8:06
Yes. So they feel like to me I understand is we're gonna make you straight. We're gonna make you, you know, heterosexual.

Unknown Speaker 8:13
Yeah, that's not my story. So I'm not

Unknown Speaker 8:15
right. And so I disagree with that, you know, what I mean, is like, I understand that people now, I don't know if it is, personally if you are born that way, or if you become that way, but it is what it is. And I also wanted to mention that there was a time. Unfortunately, there was a time in the DSM three, which is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for mental health professionals, that homosexuality was a mental health disorder. Tell us more about that. When did it change doctor? And what do you see happening now.

Unknown Speaker 8:54
So we're actually on the fifth edition now of the of the DSM. And it took up to the fourth edition to actually have homosexuality removed from the Statistical Manual, where homosexuality is no longer viewed as a mental health disorder. And so it gets revised every 1520 years. And so it was a collection of professionals that came together that recognized the lunacy, I think, of perceiving that homosexuality is a mental health disorder. And so on the fourth edition, it was finally removed.

Unknown Speaker 9:34
Okay, and so, now I'm going to take the questions back over to you, Lex. And I would like to know, was there any time where you felt oppressed as a lesbian? Or, and if so, what what made you feel like that? Um, me being

Unknown Speaker 9:53
just of color is one thing me being a lesbian of color is another so there's a lot of layers Here's where I felt, you know, it was a grown up, like all through my childhood it was I was, I went to a black school, I was the white kid, I went to the white school, I was a black kid. So I've always had that battle. Me being gay and being a lesbian, like I haven't had, I haven't had issues for my mice. That's not my story is a beautiful story. Not to say that anyone else's story is not but I haven't had to deal with certain oppressions or, you know, certain things that have kind of held me back or pushed me like the scourge I have, you know, I just, I think I just don't tolerate a lot of stuff. And I just don't pay attention to it. I move on very fast.

Unknown Speaker 10:38
So what are some of the biggest misconceptions that gave women feel?

Unknown Speaker 10:42
For my experience? I can't speak for everyone. But for me, I just feel like we're not properly represented. When I look at film, I cannot relate. I don't see someone like me. I don't see anyone who talks like me. I don't see anyone who acts like me. So it's hard for me to fall in love with characters when they want a black lesbian. Okay. Every time we see a black, lesbian and film, she's the token Liz. Yeah, she's like, she's hard. And she wants to fight guys. And, you know, she wants to take the guys girls. And I'm like, I don't do that. Right? Yes, that's not I don't, that's weird. So for me, I always see it. And I get very frustrated. And that's why I create a query. So it's like we don't, we're soft. And we can be hard. We want to we can be soft, which is based on personality. Yeah, and I just, it was hard. It's just hard seeing that, you know, and I feel like some women, they have the opportunity to do something different. And you know, they're just, they're willing to fall into that mainstream media, and I just, I can't do it.

Unknown Speaker 11:36
Well, I have to say that in my younger years, I remember going on to going to Sunset Boulevard and partying my butt off. It was so fun back then. And then I would go to the catch the catch up. So the catch back in the day was the spot. And that's the kind of representation I see in your right field. I see the black, lesbian, I don't see the token lesbian, I don't see, you know, the lesbian trying to fit in with mainstream society. Right. And so that's something that I took from your artistry, I appreciate that. I really appreciate

Unknown Speaker 12:15
that. And it's hard to because there's a lot of like, you know, girls who are growing up and they're finding their identity and their, you know, my masculine, what does this mean? And my feminine? What does this mean? And it's like, I want to give an image where they can see that and say, Okay, I don't have to be that. I don't have to want to fight men. I don't have to like, I have a beautiful relationship with guys. I like to talk them like they're my brothers and my friends. I haven't had any situations that they put in the movies like all the guy always tried to hit on the gay girl or I'm trying to get the guy get the girls from the guys. And you know, I want to show a different story for the girls that are growing up figuring out who they are that you know, you don't have to pretend to be that that's not to

Unknown Speaker 12:54
write. Yeah, yeah, that's and that's what makes what you're doing so important for, you know, men and women out there. I want to say, Lex, Herschelle Quirinius. There's no way Frank warious hilarious. I'm getting Tongue Tied saying a query as is now on Amazon Prime. You want to tell us about it where they can catch it on Amazon Prime?

Unknown Speaker 13:16
Yep. So when you look us up on Amazon Prime, you literally have to type in the entire name. So query is the series. It's going to have the eight episodes on there. We are working on our final episode of season one. And that's going to actually be released exclusively on YouTube. Okay, yeah. So you right now you can get on Episode one through eight, on prime, and then everything else will be on YouTube.

Unknown Speaker 13:40
Awesome. Well, you know, I'm going to have a link on my website, so you'll be able to find it, you can go to its where I am.com. And you will see Lexus bio there and also a button to tap on to get to her series. Next, I wanted to talk about pronoun usage. When we met before, when you're on my show back in May. And I remember you talking and saying something profound is stuck out with me. You said we have to see if we have to see one another as human first. Now, how do we get there? If we're still dealing with he and she and what is the importance of removing he he and she, like explain that to me?

Unknown Speaker 14:28
Yeah, I'm like holding on to my seat for those who can't see me right now. So I've reflected about my career, and I've been working in the field for about 20 years now. And sometimes I've thought to myself, I'm a bad gay and what I mean, and what I mean by that is, though, have I done enough for my community in terms of my career and really helping others, not just clinically in terms of helping those who identify as being part of the LGBT plus community, but what have I done to contribute towards just fostering and enhancing people's lives and And so I've had the privilege of co authoring a white paper, which is a paper to really foster awareness around cultural competency, and how we interact with individuals, or provide services to individuals that identify within the LGBT plus community. And as part of that, it's really being able to just have an understanding of what the unique needs are associated with the LGBT plus community so that individuals can have a better context and understanding how to, to interrelate and best meet their needs. I think it's really important to be mindful that, you know, that this is a specific community that has specific unique needs that people need to be aware of what those are.

Unknown Speaker 15:50
Yeah, and then so let's talk about some of the resources out there, which I will also have on the site as well, for anyone who may need them. It's where I am.com, let us know about some of the resources here in Las Vegas. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 16:02
absolutely. And so again, you know, Sandra, thank you so much for just bringing awareness in terms of highlighting what's available in terms of supporting individuals that are part of the LGBT plus community. So healthy, young nevada.org Is is really a comprehensive website that is just full of links to great resources, regarding lots of different things that could potentially enhance the lives of those that may be needing a little bit more support. And so I'm really inspired by Alexis work, because she's really working to promote positive image of those that fall within this specific subgroup. And so this this website, healthy young nevada.org, I think is a great resource for individuals to have access to just a lot of great resources and positive themes. And the messaging is really positive, which I think is important.

Unknown Speaker 16:59
So Lex, when when you came out, did you and you are away from your parents and you figured out what you liked. And you stuck with it. Did you have support from your parents when you told them?

Unknown Speaker 17:12
Um, I didn't necessarily come out. I didn't feel that I needed to have a conversation. I had one conversation with one of my with an aunt. And she just basically I came home and she's like, why are you dating anyone? I'm like, Yeah, I'm dating someone. She's like, what's his name? I said, Well, her name is she said, Okay, that's good. And that was I didn't know. Everyone in my family knew that I was very athletic. They knew that I had more I played with the boys. I didn't play with the girls. I did not want to wear dresses. So my childhood everyone knew, but it wasn't in my family. That's not things that we talked about. It wasn't I didn't. I didn't have sexual attraction when I was younger. Like to me, I thought everything was just like, oh, no, don't you know, so I would like, you know, hang out with the guys. But for me, it wasn't. Because I liked the girls. It was like, Okay, we got things in common you got you want to play basketball, I want to play basketball, you want to play Xbox, I want to play Xbox, they don't want to play that. So I don't hang out with them. So it wasn't like I didn't like I didn't really have like a big coming out story. I just came home with the girlfriend. That's just what it was. Well, the

Unknown Speaker 18:13
reason why I asked is because I know a lot of teams are homeless due to being, you know, coming out to their parents and their parents being unhappy about it. Can you tell us I think we have a place here in Nevada called the Help Center of Southern Nevada or something like that.

Unknown Speaker 18:29
Yes. So it's really important that just we understand that when young people decide, or they recognized rather, how they identify that their home environments are not always accepting their identification, and sadly, are as thrown out of the house. And so these young people are out on the streets and trying to and they're already grappling with that identification of, oh, I'm gay, which is, I'm different from everybody else. Or at least that's what social messaging says that I'm different from everybody else. So they're already dealing with these really complex challenges. And now they don't have a roof over their head. They don't know when they're going to get their next meal or when they're going to be able to take a shower. And so fortunately, we have the center here, the LGBT Center, which not every large metropolitan city has one. So I think we're really lucky here and in Clark County and the city of Las Vegas, just to have resources that are specific to providing care to the LGBT plus community.

Unknown Speaker 19:36
That's awesome. I'm glad we have those resources. I also wanted to talk about well, you know what, I want to give a shout out to my aunt, my aunt Andre Smith. I want to thank you for being a lesbian in the family. Because you know what if I didn't know her as a lesbian, I would not have been so understanding of the cause. immunity. I grew up with someone who was gay. And it was talked about that she was gay. And so I think it helped me to become more accepting initially. Because my high school, Fairfax High was the first high school in the country to have an gay and lesbian Social Club. And so that was a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. So I just wanted to say thank you for being strong and knowing who you are. And that being and in doing that, that helps others, it doesn't mean that you're convincing someone to be something that they're not. But it gives you a better understanding and just want to be more empathetic towards other people when you're exposed to different things. So, for you guys, I didn't hear anyone in your family that was gay, or lesbian, they just that they were accepting and didn't question.

Unknown Speaker 20:57
I had an older cousin. My mom had married, and my teens and I had gained a cousin love her. And she was she was bisexual, gay. And no one talked about it. It was they didn't, they didn't say anything. They didn't when she brought the girl, no one said anything. And I just for me, it was just very like, Okay, well, I was intrigued with your name, how you got and how you know her, you know? Like, I was always very welcoming. But I didn't have anyone in my family that was like, I didn't have a lot of gay people, my family and my family doing Oh, really? Yeah. They just didn't talk about it. Like right now I know. From what I know, on my mom's side, besides the marriage, and on my dad's side, I am the only gay person in the family. Okay. Yeah, from what I know. And I'm okay with that. They don't treat me any different. You know, they just so you

Unknown Speaker 21:49
have a very loving and supportive family, which is wonderful.

Unknown Speaker 21:52
But I establish through demand, I'm, I'm very, I want to do what I want to do. And if you don't like it, you won't see me, right. And it's not I don't, it's not that I want to give people ultimatums. But I'm not going to live differently for your needs. So I like I stopped going home a little bit. And you know, as I got older, I miss my family more, but they they understood, like, if you want her here, you accept whatever she brings, right here. Yeah. And I'm very thoughtful. So it's not like I was being, you know, pushing my agenda on them. And like, Hey, you have to accept this, it was just like, alright, well, I'm going to be at the beach with someone. So if you guys want to come

Unknown Speaker 22:27
what a great positive role model because, you know, that's a part of wellness is knowing who you are. Right, you got to know who you are. And so I can appreciate that. Before we close, I want to make sure David, you talk about any more resources that may be available. And also I'm sorry, I never mentioned, David is the clinical psychiatric director of southern Hills pavilion hospital.

Unknown Speaker 22:56
Yeah, so resources. So I think as individuals as human beings, sometimes we're reluctant to access support, and to reach out for clinical services. Because of the stigma associated potentially with with asking for help, or receiving mental health services. So I think it's really important for listeners to be open and to not feel embarrassed or ashamed that if you are struggling with anything, and you feel like you need a little bit, a little bit of support, to please reach out to local providers within your community and receive the the care and the services that you need. And, and and interview service providers to make sure that they're a welcoming and, and a good fit for for you or for your family. I think that's really important is that for individuals to receive the best care that they can, and to benefit from the care that they're receiving, that they really do have to feel safe, feel understood, and to a certain degree, I think feel validated as well.

Unknown Speaker 24:20
I think a good start would be probably to do the social media, right social media. And before you just pop into the center, maybe because just because you've decided that you are gay, does it mean that you're automatically a part of the LGBTQ plus community? Is that right? Or are you automatically in the group?

Unknown Speaker 24:40
Well, I think if we identify as being something that falls within this subgroup that we are part of the subgroup though, but in terms of how do we express ourselves how do we exist within that subgroup, though? I think that's individual for for all of us,

Unknown Speaker 24:54
right? But then you can go there and find potentially find friends.

Unknown Speaker 24:58
Absolutely. And I think Lexus work though is is, I think symbolizing, though, that you're not alone. And that there is other positive representation of people just like you. And, and so that's a benefit of going to some of these resources such as the center, because like you said, Sandra, you might go there and see people there that are like you, and that you feel comfortable and that you can potentially expand your natural support system.

Unknown Speaker 25:27
Yeah, even with when writing queries, I had quite nice character in the beginning, she's, she sees a therapist, but her therapist is not normal therapy season to focus in focusing on why she chose that route, and how it does actually not work for her. But it shows that it doesn't have to be the normal thing that people will tell you. You have to find what works for you, and what helps you in your own healing. And sometimes, you know, it might be a clinic, sometimes it might be a friend, sometimes it might be just a different type of therapy or meditation. But it's like, it's individual, like what makes your heart sing? What makes your heart become Can I get an amen? So that was really important to me. So I'm very big on mental health and very big on seeking, you know, therapy and, and talking and that's why, you know, I specifically brought that for Kwame is like, she ends up having this therapist where she pours her out pours her thoughts out,

Unknown Speaker 26:20
you opened up with a therapist, right? Yeah, so she,

Unknown Speaker 26:22
she has her therapists where she pours her heart out. And then at the end of their session, they always hook up. But they're she's not her real therapist, that they were friends while she though therapist was in school. And they had their dynamics that she got free therapy through her. But then they also had their encounter. But that's

Unknown Speaker 26:39
so difficult. I have a lot of friends who are therapists. And it's like, well, you know, I can't really because it's bias, right? I can't really talk to them because they know me. So they're going to a lot of rules. Yes, a lot of rules. There's a lot of rules that David and I were talking earlier about people who need a therapist, and that therapist cannot necessarily identify with their situation, and then how can they help? I mean, they're so quick to take your insurance and take your money. And yeah, that's that's the bit. Yeah. Are they going to be beneficial?

Unknown Speaker 27:11
Right, so I always I'm always say shop around, like you shopping for a car, like you're shopping for clothes, everything don't fit, right? It does not fit does not suit your needs. And that's the problem with our healthcare system is that some people are very limited to who they can use, who they can, where they can go, and how affordable that is. For me, I want to see a black therapist of color who's in the community, she can be an ally, she can be whoever, but that for me, I can open up to her. I don't I cannot have therapy with someone who does not understand me as a woman, me as a black woman, me as a queer woman. So if I had to when I had to find my therapist, I'm literally okay, this session didn't work for me. This session didn't work. And it was hard. It was very hard. Very hard, very hard.

Unknown Speaker 27:58
So, I just want to thank everyone for tuning in. I just please can you give us the information on your show one more time for the listeners so that they can catch it because it is so good.

Unknown Speaker 28:08
You can check us out Quirinius tv.com. You can also check us out on YouTube queries TV, and on Amazon query as the show Instagram queries.tv.

Unknown Speaker 28:19
And I'm gonna put all those links. That's a lot. So no problem and all those listeners out there on 91.5. Jas and more, please make sure you visit the website. It's where I am.com And if you're interested in being a guest on the show, if you're a mental health professional, please look on the website and there is a section where you can request to come on the show. So I just want to thank everyone for tuning in. This is entre polearm I'm here every second second Saturday of the month at 8:30am. And it is where I am. Thank you

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