It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:45
Good morning Las Vegas. This is Dr. G on it's where I am on 91.5 FM, K, u and v. I have an exciting show, I think this morning and I'm really looking forward to introducing to all of you today. Miss Cassandra cotton, who is a marriage and family therapist intern. And she's she's joining us today to present her foundation, the Neva L. Wright foundation. Good morning, Cassandra.

Unknown Speaker 1:23
Good morning, Dr. Janice, thank you so much for having having me this morning.

Unknown Speaker 1:28
Oh, you know, it's it's my privilege. And and so let's just jump right in if if you're ready to. So your foundation, the naeba outright foundation. Can you explain and introduce what what the foundation is to our listeners?

Unknown Speaker 1:48
Well do. So when I talk about Neva L right foundation, I'm speaking about a beautiful young lady who is my daughter, who lost her life when she was 43 years old. So this foundation is named after her. It was my way of finding purpose to her short stay here on Earth. So the new belt ride foundation. Again, it's named after my daughter. And it says to to help. So

Unknown Speaker 2:28
So So 43 years, Cassandra that that is such a short amount of time for this young person to be taken from you and your family at such an early age. And and so if I'm understanding correctly, Cassandra that when you decided to move forward and and create this foundation and honor of celebrating your daughter's life, it was with the intent on helping others to make sense of their grief and loss related to maybe the loss of a loved one, or really the the loss associated with something significant in one's life or in a family's life. And so, you know, I have your mission statement in front of me, and I'd like to read it and share this with with our listeners. So the mission for the neighbor outright Foundation is to minimize the burdens by providing support, care, and resources to individuals and families, allowing them to create a foundation of healing and hope and a time of loss. That just warms my heart and fills my soul. And and so your daughter passed away. And one way of trying to find purpose, I believe you said was to create this foundation. So So can you speak and and ensure and inform our listeners Cassandra in regards to what the foundation does?

Unknown Speaker 4:22
Yes, and again, thank you, understanding that no journey of grief is saying yet each person that experience grief needs the one most powerful thing. And it's not always words, but it's support. And that's why we're here to help. You know, it's a topic that's really tough for people to talk about, especially in a lot of communities. You know, we say the word grief and immediately people are, you know, they kind of want to go in within themselves. But we want to be there to support them to give them that space and that time where they can just speak freely, or if they don't want to speak, they're here, they're there, were there just to listen and to support and provide provide that support that they need. Now,

Unknown Speaker 5:15
now, I had the privilege, and the honor of supporting one of your events that you facilitated, and put together late last year, leading up to the holidays. And it was really a celebration of bringing individuals together and having a safe forum where collectively we could talk about loss, and identify healthy ways in which we can grieve individually collectively, and, and to be surrounded, and feel the warmth and the support from, if you will, being wrapped with a sense of community. And, and I found it to be such a powerful event. Because I lost my mom last year. And still having are going through that process of experiencing everyday living, like it's the first time because it's the first time no longer having my mom around and in my life. And, you know, it was really I think that catalysts for me, Cassandra, that helped push my healing forward in such a positive way. And I really do attribute your event as as helping me slowly start moving along in my healing trajectory. And and so, you know, I'm really hoping though listeners can can identify and relate to is understanding that the Neva L Right Foundation is a foundation that supports our community and and community members and having access to others, where they can just be an n n exists and experience what it is that they need to experience and not be shamed or embarrassed or, or they can just be and be present and and have others wrap them with that care. And that kindness that I felt I was so fortunate to have received by participating in one of your events. So can you can you talk a little bit more Cassandra around what the foundation does for the community and a little bit more detail and, and how it's really focused on on helping those just manage their their grief and loss?

Unknown Speaker 8:22
Yes. So Dr. G, and I really appreciate you talking about our end of the year event. And again, we want to be able to provide a safe space. But not only that, bring people together in one room, people who are experiencing loss or not experiencing loss, but may know someone who is experiencing loss and educating or providing an opportunity to hear from people as yourself and other people in the community who've experienced it. And because sometimes people feel I mean, I did you know, even though I worked in the hospice world for 31 years, it just, you know, loss is lost when it hits you. And it's different. And so I was lost for words and not knowing which direction to go in. So when you're bringing people together, people who are experiencing the same thing, but yet come in have some fun, because if you remember we had games and we had food, and it's one thing about bringing people together with food and so it's I remember there was a lot of laughter in the room and there was tears in the room. But guess what, we all experienced the same thing. And whether we had actually lost a loved one or we knew someone that had we could all relate to each other. And we were there to support each other and to love on each other. So one of the things that people have a right foundation hoped to do is provide seminars and courses and workshops that would teach our community members to understand grief, because again, people don't like to talk about it. Understand the grief process and then to better support, not just your family member, but people in the community, you know, because a lot of times people said, Well, I don't know what to say, or, you know, or I didn't call them because I didn't know what to say. And so helping people to understand just being present, is so important. So I'm grateful that you actually talked about I ended up live our grief and loss workshop that we had on during the holidays.

Unknown Speaker 10:34
Well, and I think you hit it spot on Cassandra in, in that it's hard for individuals to talk about loss, and, and the vulnerability associated with the process of grieving. And I really appreciate how you highlighted that it is so individual, that that grieving looks very differently for each one of us. And, and, you know, we then when we add the complexity of identifying feelings, and then processing feelings, you know, it just become so layered on and on top of so many different complexities. That if this is not something that is part of our daily living or family culture, that, that having the tools to be equipped to grieve, quote, appropriately, unquote, you know, we don't really know how to do that. And, and sometimes, you know, this is almost like a taboo subject, because it's so uncomfortable. And so for me, I was really excited when you accepted my invitation to come on the show, because I feel like that this is something that it shouldn't be so taboo, and as, as a community, as families, you know, we should have the vocabulary to engage in conversations around death, because that's very much part of living and very much part of our human experience. And, and so, you know, again, I just want to thank you for honoring your daughter, but creating by creating this foundation, and, and really supporting and helping so many others and not feeling so isolated, and alone.

Unknown Speaker 12:51
You know, if you look at the acronyms of niba, it stands for never, ever be alone. And that is exactly the message for the community, we want them to know that they're not alone. And that if they would reach out or, you know, because that's the time sometimes when people just kind of want to be by themselves, and, and it's okay. But we want them to know that there were people out there that were ready to embrace, to let them just talk, if they so choose, or if they needed resources or information, we wanted to be able to provide that. It took different journeys, a lot of my board members, very diverse in their stories, but it took different journeys, that it served as an inspiration to establish this foundation, because people again, grieve so differently. And so we wanted to just, again, have that open forum where people could do that grieve the way they wanted to. But to have that support. It's interesting, I talk about grief being or going through the journey of grief being like going up a crooked ladder, you know, you know, at the top of that ladder, there's hope and there's love and there's comfort, and there's peace, and you want to get to that you want to get to that. And so you try climbing up that ladder, and you sometimes you get halfway there and you fall back down. But we want to want them to know that there's somebody there that will help them get up that ladder. And if you fall back down again, it's okay. If we think about the five stages of grief and loss, we know that those feelings are real, and we want to normalize those things, you know, the feeling of depression of hopelessness. You know, anger even, you know, I will admit, Dr. G, I was very angry about a 43 year old, you know, never was sick, and then all of a sudden, you know, and I had to ask on Vine, you know? So we want to normalize those things for People Yes, but also be them to support them. And, and where they are, you know, whether

Unknown Speaker 15:05
so so Cassandra, you are a marriage and family therapist, intern. And this is your, I'm going to view really as kind of like your second career, if you will, because you had worked in hospice for 31 years. Incredible, that's just incredible. And, and I just get chills, I'm looking, you know, at my arms right now, and I'm getting goosebumps, because just the number of families, though, that I feel you were able to touch over 31 years, is just empowering. And and it's, it's very moving for me. Absolutely. And so I want to talk about though, let's, let's, let's take a look at this at the Stages of Grief model for a minute. And so you and I both reference the Kubler Ross Stages of Change our stages of grief and loss, because that's been around for a while, and there's been a lot of research that that really highlights that these are very common stages in which someone may make go or experience through, and it's not a linear process, you know, it's, we could go forward, we could go backwards, you know, that we could go from one stage to another stage, and then back to the other stage that we were in previously. And, and so there's no rhyme or reason, or correct way to grieve. But these are some stages that that has been identified. So denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. And so I want to say, and I appreciate that you said these five stages of grief and loss. So there is another stage that has been added, and it's creating new meaning. And, for me, this, this has been really significant and my own thinking as I heal, and, and move forward without having my mom present in my life, and just creating new meaning in how I live my life, and maybe how I create new rituals or habits to incorporate my mom differently. And, and just meaningful events that occur throughout the year. And, and that are important to me, in my life or in my family's life. And it this, this getting to this stage, it doesn't happen overnight. And, you know, I we in therapy, we use the word triggers, and a trigger can be viewed as a negative or as a positive. And sometimes it could be a sent a smell, a song might come on the radio, you know, as a joke place that we go to, that we might frequented with a loved one, we pass it and it can just flood us with with memories and, and it can be positive memories or sometimes it can be negative memories because of the negativity comes with the sense of sorrow, related to loss and brings up those intense grief feelings. And so the neighbor outright foundation is an opportunity for individuals to seek out support. Help, maybe just an ear sometimes just having somebody to be there and just listen or, or provide psychoeducation on on the process of of grief and loss. You know, this this is I really appreciate that. I feel. I don't know if I want to use the word to normalize but it's okay to talk about grief and loss. It's a part of our human existence.

Unknown Speaker 19:51
Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with you and I appreciate you talking about the additional stage. And so as we agree Tomas and I appreciate that because it's early on when I said everyone grieves differently. So you're exactly right. And these particular stages, they don't happen in any sequence any particular order. There's a day that you know, and I went through them. There was a day when I accepted it, and then down the road, you know, I was all of a sudden said, darn it, I don't accept it. Yeah. So

Unknown Speaker 20:26
and you might have been angry. Yeah, you're right,

Unknown Speaker 20:29
you're right. So it wins and wins. But what the idea, again, is to let people know that this is normal. And I tell people I get asked all the time, you know, well, when does grief end, and I say, you know, grief doesn't necessarily ever end. And it's because, like youth usually said it, you know, so eloquently, that there are times when you hear a song, or you smell something or, you know, something comes on the TV, and that person, the memory of that person comes up. So it's, it's, it's the idea, though, is that there are foundations and groups out there, or people that are, that can support you, yes, that can be for you, and provide that, that maybe that shoulder or, again, provide that space where you can

Unknown Speaker 21:20
express your feelings, in preparation of having this opportunity to speak with you further Cassandra, about your foundation, I read that 7% of people experience complicated grief. And that for our listeners, those that are unfamiliar with complicated grief, that is ongoing, an ongoing heightened state of mourning, that that kind of continues on. And so for any of our listeners that may be experiencing, this, this idea of, of complicated grief, I would encourage you to, you know, seek out someone that that you trust and that you feel comfortable with, that you can go to and talk and have a cup of coffee with or a cup of tea, and, and share, you know, share with the person or persons things that are coming up for you. And, and, you know, I like to reframe as, as a therapist, I find that it is helpful often to reframe a way of experiencing something, an event and interaction and experience where we can make it positive and, and where we are mourning and grieving over the loss of a loved one, the reverse to that would be celebrating the life and the spirit of of the one that is no longer with us. And identifying how that individual impacted us in a meaningful loving and positive way. And and just the power I feel associated with that is is so moving and helping individuals think differently or even experience the loss differently in one's body. And that I feel like kind of ties into the vision that you created for the Neva L Right Foundation, which is to implement a sustainable plan of action to ease and support individuals quality of life. And, and I just I love that because it is wanting individuals to move in the direction again of experiencing joy and happiness in a safe way. And helping them identify and have access to the tools one needs in order to make sense out of their loss and grief so that they can move forward and hopefully be happy again. Yes,

Unknown Speaker 24:43
so healthy again to to have a sense of wholeness. And, you know, we know that that losing a loved one can cause just such a very, very deep void in your life. And I pray We shake you talking about the complex, or the complexities of grief and loss. And I tell people all the time, you know, you know, we can suppress it, we can hide it, but it's going to come out one way or the other. And we know that sometimes it comes out in some negative ways, or even it will impact your health. And so, you know, we want to be able to educate people about those things. So, things to look for, you know, when we're talking about the complexity of grief, what are some of the signs and symptoms, perhaps, and so being able to educate people? So, again, when you bring up the vision piece is that, you know, quality of life, and it's so vital to me, you know, going back to, you know, earlier, my experience in working in hospice, that quality of life is just, it's just one of those things that I want to see for everyone, that they have the best quality of life that they can have, yes, even after the loss before the loss, but certainly after the loss. So

Unknown Speaker 26:01
Cassandra, if individuals would like to learn more about the Neva L. Wright foundation and or potentially get involved with the work that your foundation provides to the community? How would they go about that process? Well,

Unknown Speaker 26:19
if they like they may go to our website, which is Neva right, foundation.org. It's Ne ba, W ri ght. Foundation, that'll work. And they can also reach out to me if I might be able to share this information. My telephone number 702-812-7482. So I look forward to anyone that would, again, as you said, if they would like more information, or if they would like to be involved, we would love to have people reach out to us

Unknown Speaker 26:59
well, and again, I just want to thank you, Cassandra, for allowing me to be part of one of your events. And I hope to be able to offer more support to the foundation in the future, and helping our community manage these feelings that are heavy for many of us. And, you know, I'm just inspired by the work that the foundation does. And so I just want to thank you for having the courage and the strength to honor your daughter by creating this foundation. So thank you, Cassandra. is, this is Dr. g. from great minds counseling and Wellness Center, and you're listening to it's where I am on 91.5 FM pay und until next time, talk to you soon.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai