Embracing Identity: Navigating the Coming Out Process
Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:03
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Unknown Speaker 0:44
Good morning Las Vegas. This is Dr. G and you are listening to it's where I am on 91.5 FM, K, u and v. I am guest hosting for Zondra pol ARD, who continues to enjoy a much needed respite after being on the air for four years. If you are missing Zondra you don't have to miss her too hard though, as she'll be back full time in June. I'm Dr. David JENICE, clinical and PR director from great mind counseling and Wellness Center and on it's where I am I've been spotlighting different mental health programs throughout the state in Nevada. My goal is to decrease stigma for accessing mental health resources, and to empowering others for extending a hand to ask for help when needed. On this morning show, I'd like to engage in discussion with a member of the LGBTQ plus community to discuss the coming out process and to hopefully educate listeners on what may be helpful and supportive to those that may be coming out. Good morning, Adam. Nice to have you on. It's where I am.
Unknown Speaker 1:53
Morning, J.
Unknown Speaker 1:54
So you know, it's really a pleasure to welcome you on the show, as I really hope to offer our listeners some important information on how to support other members of the LGBT plus community, and to maybe learn something on how to become a little bit more culturally competent, and helping others who may also experience the coming out process. So, Adam, let's just jump right in. If that's alright, with you
Unknown Speaker 2:27
know, it's fine with me.
Unknown Speaker 2:28
So, you know, so you identify yourself as being part of the LGBTQ plus community. How old were you when you first came out?
Unknown Speaker 2:41
Well, I was 17. I was in high school.
Unknown Speaker 2:44
And so were you 17 years old. So were you like a junior senior in high school at that time?
Unknown Speaker 2:51
Yeah, Junior. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 2:53
So now, you know, times have changed. And though when you were 17 years old and a junior in high school? Did, were you surrounded by other peers that also identified at that time as being part of the LGBTQ plus community? Did you have, I guess, other people in your world that you could go to and engage in conversation around your identification?
Unknown Speaker 3:25
Yes. I had other fears that are, again, identify as LGBT. And that helped me with the process coming out. And
Unknown Speaker 3:39
now was that process of coming out fearful for you?
Unknown Speaker 3:46
It was very fearful. Especially from I mean, I don't know what my family would think. I would think I was I was fearful, but I knew what needed to be done.
Unknown Speaker 4:02
So one of the primary concerns that I hear is that as you come out, there's a fear of maybe not being accepted and no longer being included within your peer group or within your family. And was that part of your concerns as well?
Unknown Speaker 4:27
Yeah, I have a concern on what my family will think or say about my other friends one acre say about it. And it gave me a lot of anxiety, but
Unknown Speaker 4:42
okay, so leading up to actually coming out you were then experiencing a lot of anxiety related to the unknown. Yes, so, so Adam. Okay, so you're around 17 years old, you You're a junior in high school. And who was the first person that you actually came out to?
Unknown Speaker 5:10
was actually my brother
Unknown Speaker 5:11
and my brother, what was his response?
Unknown Speaker 5:16
Heroes? It was very, very positive. He told me that he accepts me for who I am and, and he still loves me. I'm still his brother. And
Unknown Speaker 5:32
wow, what a powerful affirmation coming from someone that is close to you, and to receive such a beautiful, welcoming, accepting affirmative response. How to how did he feel in that moment, he liked hearing those positive statements from your brother
Unknown Speaker 5:55
in law, a little empowered. And but I was so anxious of what others might think that I knew at the time that my brother gave me that positive feedback, I knew that they would be easier
Unknown Speaker 6:12
to share maybe with other other people. Yes. So So then who was the second and third individuals that you decided to come out to?
Unknown Speaker 6:26
It was my parents.
Unknown Speaker 6:28
Okay. So now, did your parents have the same response as your brother?
Unknown Speaker 6:34
My dad was, actually he was in the middle of it. My mom wasn't very accepting at first at all. So
Unknown Speaker 6:46
how did that initially set you up for moving forward with your coming out? process, if you will, you know, having mom not or have some struggle with initially accepting your identification? How did the that then impact you from coming out further?
Unknown Speaker 7:12
Um, I just said to myself, like, Okay, well, I know I need to go out to everybody else. My friend, another friend of my family, who other digs at me or not, and I still had fear. I'm like, but I felt more relieved once I got it out.
Unknown Speaker 7:36
Okay, so there was this build up is is what I'm hearing in to you. Feeling the need to be true. Be true to yourself. By sharing this, this announcement, yet, it was still what I'm hearing very fearful just again, not knowing what others responses may be like, or how people may include you in future events.
Unknown Speaker 8:12
Yeah. It was terrifying. It was in a job better, got better.
Unknown Speaker 8:23
Time went by now when you were 17 years old. Adam. Was there anyone in your life that was a positive member of the LGBTQ plus community that maybe you could go to, to talk to about this process?
Unknown Speaker 8:42
My cousin, my cousin was also part of the LGBT community. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 8:51
And is he How old is your cousin at the time when you were 17? He was 16 Okay, so you guys were kind of both going through a similar experience as far as identifying who each of you were. And he you know, having each other in both of your lives to kind of talk about you know, these feelings and and to make sense of it all as a young adolescent. Yeah. So, you know, so you came out to your mom and dad and mom had some difficulties with it, Dad seem to be more accepting of it. You know, how were you then making sense around your open identity as a gay male?
Unknown Speaker 9:50
I was expressing to people that I associated with the We like my friends, my family, letting them know, hey, yes, I'm gay and and Oh, my mother I was like I had acceptance not I knew that was gonna get I knew that was gonna get easier and easier and people were gonna be more accepting.
Unknown Speaker 10:24
Now, when you when you were going out, like coming out if you will? Was it? Was it a sense of relief for you at once you started telling people and and just started becoming more open about verbalizing your identification? Was it a sense of relief?
Unknown Speaker 10:47
It was there was it was like, Oh, wait, like, like heavyweight.
Unknown Speaker 10:55
Now I decided I wanted to bring this topic to the show. On it's where I am, because I feel like this is still, for many people in today's society and 2024 a big topic. And I'm just not sure how often this gets talked about. And I really want to assist listeners in maybe even identifying the right questions to ask individuals, when someone comes to them and comes out. You know, what I heard from you, Adam share is is that the leading up to this disclosure? There was a lot of anxiety now leading up to to coming out, did you ever feel any feelings related to depression and just feeling down on yourself because of your identification that you are gay?
Unknown Speaker 12:05
It was the first I was very, like, hard and I got a little depressed. But then I got over it. I'm like, No, this is who I am. I'm like, so. And now I'm like, very proud of who I am and where I'm at. And
Unknown Speaker 12:27
so, you know, that that really makes me feel proud to hear that you are in a great place today. And recognizing who you are, and celebrating yourself as a quarter mil. And that, you know, that you have been able to accept yourself. And and, you know, I think that is so challenging for a lot of people that come out is is you know, if they grew up in the church, if they live within a community that does not engage in conversations, like what you and I having this morning, then people are less equipped and less knowledgeable, to really sink their teeth into these type of conversations and help people make sense of who they are. Because that's very confusing for a lot of people that come out. And you know, it's it's great to hear, though, that that you're a proud gay man, and that it sounds like you've kind of worked through stuff that came up so that you could be in a positive emotional space today. So so at the time, though, Adam, when you were, you know, ready to come out because you identified you know what, I'm a gay man, I'm attracted to men, this is who I am. What would have been helpful for you to have in place that that could have supported your process maybe a little bit differently?
Unknown Speaker 14:20
Made, namely, more like if I had more, like peers that were LGBT at the time, and helping me with that process and hearing from them which I heard from several, and when I realized, hey, yes, I'm gay and and I just came, they would have helped that if I probably did it earlier, because I held it back for so long.
Unknown Speaker 14:58
So you Okay, so today now we're fast forwarding to present day. Where would you encourage others to go? If they needed some type of support? To make sense about coming out? If they're just really identifying as potentially, maybe being part of the LGBTQ plus community? Where would you recommend them going to seek out support?
Unknown Speaker 15:33
I would recommend going, maybe two close friends that you can trust, or I would also, oh, we'll go to Well, I've been to the center, here, LGBT center, they are very helpful. I would encourage them ultimately, over there, they have a lot of groups about the topic. And that's helped me, I remember when I first went with this guy I was dating at the time, and, and it was still new to me, it feels like second guy I've been with, and it was so new to me, and then I'll Okay, well, that helped a lot. So
Unknown Speaker 16:21
going to the center and surrounding yourself with other peers, that also identifying as being part of the community, and having a safe space to go to hang out at. Yes. And so this is the, the center that is located on Maryland Parkway, cross streets are kind of Maryland Parkway and Charleston area. And they, the center has a medical clinic that is also part of the center that provides medical services to the community. And there's also a pharmacy that is located in the center as well. So it's kind of all inclusive, as far as being a safe haven, if you will, for members of the community to seek access and services that now, today, so I know that you are a very proud gay man, though, at different times, like, as you were thinking about who you are, and you were still formulating an identity for who you are today. Do you feel like because of the uncertainty around coming out that this impacted your self esteem? And and did it impact your self esteem from a negative perspective?
Unknown Speaker 17:59
It actually lowered my self esteem at the start, but now in the future. And while the present, it helps a little bit with myself a self esteem, knowing that I am proud of who I am now.
Unknown Speaker 18:21
Yeah, as you should be. And, you know, so there, there are still today lots of differing opinions as it pertains to the LGBT plus community. And I think that many of negative or uncertain ideas or opinions of the community may come from not having access to engaging with individuals that identify as being a member of the community, and maybe perhaps also having lack of information. Sometimes we as as just people, create certain ideas about anything in life, if we have lack of, of general information to help us better understand something. So that was really part of me wanting to welcome you on the show, Adam is because I really wanted to hopefully inform listeners to maybe have just a little bit of a broader understanding of how any one of us as a community member could be more of a support to an individual that may be coming out. So in the state of Arizona, I had the privilege of participating in a work group that came together to write a white paper. That was to really provide a Cultural Competency lens, if you will, for LGBTQ youth and young adults. And the intent for writing this white paper was that anybody that picked it up, this could just be a lens or a tool for individuals having a broader context of certain areas that individuals within the community may struggle with, and how we as just community members can be more of a support to these individuals. And, and part of this was for providers, whether you're a medical provider, providing medical services, or therapists providing therapeutic clinical services, it was to, from a professional development perspective, have a better understanding of the needs of our LGBTQ youth. Oftentimes, how we may provide clinical or medical services, it may come across in a very sterile way, where we are not inviting others to feel comfortable in really talking about what their medical and clinical needs are. And so I feel it's imperative for those that are providing services to individuals that may identify as part of the community that we have affirming language, and are not afraid to ask individuals questions so that we can better meet the medical and clinical needs for our community members and the patients that we provide services with. So, Adam, what in terms of for our listeners to, you know, maybe hold in mind differently, what would be some recommendations from you, that you believe would be helpful for others that are around people that may be coming out so that they can be more supportive of the process?
Unknown Speaker 22:30
I would say that they know ones that are now looking with the coming out process. And to make it easier. I would go to the center, like I said, it's a good place to go. And I would also just talk to friends. And I would, I would also talk, talk to them about how you feel, there's resources. Also, everywhere, like online, there's I mean, at the library as well. And then just also, just pick comes from, from who you are. And this the spirit of best, the best way to lessen the anxiety and the poor, coming out process to make it easier. And just don't hold back.
Unknown Speaker 23:46
So I, I love all those, you know, recommendations, Adam, because I feel like you humanize this process for many others and just what's involved as far as coming out. Other thoughts that I have for individuals to is to maybe be mindful of all our assumptions, especially any notion that we may reject spirituality as a whole? I think many of us in the LGBT Q community are actually very spiritual. And that part of the reconciliation process, I think, in one's mind is figuring out well, how does an individual that is in the community, still subscribe to their religious beliefs. And that I know has been a very challenging thing, space for individuals to be in because they are firmly guided by God, yet they identify as being a member of the LGBTQ plus community and trying to reconcile, you know, well, how do they still practice one's religion, and, you know, be true to who they are. And, and so, you know, I encourage people to, you know, have a clearer sense of their own spiritual and religious perspective. So that they can embrace the need to address spirituality, within themselves and to maybe redefine or establish certain boundaries. Regarding this reconciliation. Other areas that I have found, to be helpful for those coming out, is, you know, you you did an articulate job at highlighting the need for an individual to have a support network or support system. And oftentimes, depending upon where one may live, and what an adult may do for work, I and a family's perspective, about having a family member that identifies as being a part of the LGBTQ plus community. These are all things that can cause a lot of different things that come up from an emotional and mental health perspective. And having a support network, having people where an individual that is going through this coming out process where they can go to and and process you know, thoughts, feelings that are coming up regarding their, their own feelings and thoughts around their identification is really going to help the individual move forward in managing their mental health stuff that comes up. So Adam, I just wanted to thank you so much for your willingness to be on the show. It's where I am and, and having the courage and the strength to be who you are and to share with us over the radio. I just want to let you know that I applaud you. I celebrate you. And this is a Dr. G on it's where I am. You can listen to the show every Saturday morning at 7:30am on 91.5 FM K u nb. Until next time, I'm Dr. James.
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