It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:45
Good morning Las Vegas. It's Zandra Pollard, the show is it's where I am. Thank you for tuning in. Today. We're gonna have a good time talking to some really cool people. I got Katie Ordonez back, yes, and she's brought her a really cool friend,

Unknown Speaker 1:08
Perry Richardson. Hello, hello. Yes. Perry Richardson is a life coach, so we're gonna get some really good advice from her, and Katie's gonna, you know, give us a little feedback here and there. And also, you know, talk about the adolescent side, right? Sure, yes. We'll talk about the adults, and you can talk about the adolescents. I can do that. Yeah. So, self love, yes, yes. So we have cancer awareness month. We have Domestic Violence Awareness Month,

Unknown Speaker 1:42
let's get into the self love, right? So, Perry, what you do is you have a podcast yourself. I do Yes, and it's called the mindset babe. The mindset babe. And what you do is you give advice to your listeners, right? Yeah, predominantly women, yes, yes, and helping us to remember how to love ourselves. Yes, yes. Relationship advice, self love advice, yes, yeah, everything. My main purpose is just help women have the confidence to take action towards their dream. So if it's starting a business, a podcast, finding love, just so they feel comfortable with who they are, so they can impact others, all right? Well, I like that, you know, because it's so hard sometimes to find that mental health professional. And we know that peer support groups work wonderfully. So I like to let people know where they can find those. And you would be one of them. So if people wanted to find you, how do they do that? Yeah, so you can follow me on Instagram, the mindset babe, okay, podcast, also the mindset babe, available everywhere you can listen to a podcast and then my website, it's mindset, babe dot coach, like a life coach, okay, mindset, babe dot coach. And then you could connect with me there. Okay, all right. Well, we're not connecting with Miss Katie ordonia Because she is not taking any clients at all. She works with adolescents in a school, yes, yeah. And so that self love thing that happens really young like to pattern and condition yourself to take care of you. Yeah, those habits, it's great when those habits can start young and we can instill those in the young people, because then they are able to grow into confident adults and know how to take care of themselves. And you know you've been on the show before, and I loved that you explained being in touch with your emotions, recognizing those emotions, right? Yes, yeah. And then also, what I wanted to add to that was remembering the things that make you happy.

Unknown Speaker 4:03
So we find those things in adolescence, yes, but then we forget those things in adulthood, right? Yeah, quickly they fade into the background. I feel, yeah, yeah. And I think a lot of times it's because we're so giving of ourselves, and we forget to put fuel back in the tank, right? Yes. So what are some of the things young women can do, and what are the things Miss Perry we can do as women? So we'll start with you, Katie.

Unknown Speaker 4:32
I don't know. I don't know what Perry's gonna say, but I have a feeling that a lot of it's similar, because the habits that you start when you're a young person really trickle up really well, getting in touch with your emotions, learning how to recognize them and how to care for yourself in each of those emotions, whether it's journaling or knowing when you need alone time, and learning how to set boundaries. Yes, those things all kind of trickle up to be adult skills as well. I.

Unknown Speaker 5:00
Think, yeah, absolutely.

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So I would say, like, dedicating and scheduling personal time, yeah, yeah, yes. And actually, I'll say something I learned from Perry is that you should put in your planner time for yourself. And I see her posting like,

Unknown Speaker 5:20
time, yes, nothing. Just relax. I love to have a glass of wine and watch Netflix or just do whatever I want, yeah, to have the time to do nothing and just be me when I do nothing, I usually fall asleep. Sometimes you gotta do

Unknown Speaker 5:35
Yeah, yeah. So sometimes I need to replenish by getting rest, because I do overextend myself. You know, happens to the best of us? Yeah, yeah, because it's like for me, my life journey

Unknown Speaker 5:50
is to give back in a way that gives people information and resources. And a lot of times when you're so your mindset is to help others, you will push your own agenda back, right? Yeah, my definition of self love, I'm so excited to talk about this. So I think self love is actually in three different pillars. So the first pillar is talking to yourself with loving kindness. We got to make sure we have good, positive self talk. The second is taking action towards the things that you actually want to do in this lifetime. Especially as women, we don't take action. We let everyone else do the things that they want to do, but we have this dream that's kind of dying inside of us. So I think self love is doing the things that you actually want to do. And then the third pillar is having compassion and forgiveness for yourself. We all make mistakes, we all mess up, but just like I got you girl like, Let's go like you're still worthy, you're still capable, and just being like, we're gonna mess up, but we have to learn how to forgive ourselves so positive self talk, doing the things that you want to do, and then having that forgiveness and compassion. Yes, that's great advice, because, you know, we all don't have a friend group, right? You know that will remind us of these things, right? So we need things like it's where I am to bring information. We need podcasts like yours, the mindset babe, to remind us, yeah, yeah. So let's talk about some simple ways to begin your love Journey for yourself. Ooh, I love this. So one of my favorite coaching concepts is that life is 5050

Unknown Speaker 7:32
50% awesome, 50% terrible, 50% positive, 50% negative. There's a 50% of life, and I think the first step to truly loving yourself is accepting the negative 50 part of you. We all have amazing traits of ourselves. We have parts of our body that's amazing, but then we have the parts that aren't that great. And the parts that aren't so great is the parts where we try to hide and we have shame, but I think once you start accepting those negative things about you that you think are negative, yeah, yes. Because one of my negative thoughts is that I think I'm dumb, and it's so crazy because other people are like, What are you talking about? You're so smart. That's the imposter syndrome. Yes, yes, yeah, I know that one, okay, which is worse imposter syndrome,

Unknown Speaker 8:25
but just accepting like, sometimes I am a little dumb, sometimes I make a mistake. I'll probably say something dumb and weird podcast, but that's just me, yes, and you have to love the negative parts of yourself. Is it because you grew up and people were saying negative things about you all the time.

Unknown Speaker 8:44
I think yes, because, like, Okay, I'm going to admit mine. Yeah. So my grandfather used to always call people stupid,

Unknown Speaker 8:55
and I took that personally, you know. So I accomplished all these things, I graduated top of my class. But for some reason, you know, I felt like I wasn't well back then. Not anymore. I felt like, you know, I still wasn't smart enough, and I was still trying to reach for being smarter, yeah, and then it was just like,

Unknown Speaker 9:23
someone had to tell me, like, you've done all these amazing things.

Unknown Speaker 9:28
Why are you still questioning yourself?

Unknown Speaker 9:31
Yeah? And I think part of that is age, you know, yeah, because you get to a point where it's like, you know, you let all that stuff go? Yeah, yeah. I think So personally, I can't think of someone directly telling me, but just a societal message of women that we're dumb and we're just supposed to look cute and sit down, yes, like not have a voice. And so I think society also in.

Unknown Speaker 10:00
Then, who knows, maybe subconsciously, when I was a kid, someone told me that I was dumb, yeah, yeah, my grandfather just said it often, not just, not just me, but, you know, pretty much everyone, yeah. But anyhow, moving on from that,

Unknown Speaker 10:18
you know, I mentioned earlier in the show that this is Domestic Violence Awareness Month,

Unknown Speaker 10:24
and I've been noticing the adolescents in there because I forgot totally about dating. Oh, yeah, yeah. So things like that have come up. So for those of you who don't know, Katie and I work together, yeah, so we won't mention any one specific but generally.

Unknown Speaker 10:46
You know, adolescents find love pretty early. They do. Yeah, they find love so early.

Unknown Speaker 10:55
And you know what the problems that come along with relationships start early too. Yes, it's important to teach the young people what a healthy relationship should look like, because can get pretty dangerous pretty quickly with these like developing minds and like impulsive teenagers just having those heightened feelings. And you know, it also reminded me of when my daughter was younger. Now this didn't happen to her, but it happened to a friend of hers, and that friend was being

Unknown Speaker 11:32
abused physically by her boyfriend. And I was like, wow, so young. I think it was like, 12 or 13 years old, yeah. Oh, my God. So that carries over, you know, who knows what she's seen? I don't know what happened in her household, right? You know, but I wish her well, and I hope she's doing well. Today,

Unknown Speaker 11:56
I want to share like a little brain fact please, when it comes to like love. So when we find someone, our dopamine, our pleasure chemical in our brain, when you meet someone, our dopamine is like on a crazy off the top level, and that level, the increased level of dopamine can last actually six months to two years. And your dopamine level is so high that you literally miss the red flags, like you just cannot see them, because you're just so in love, in that the honeymoon period, that love period, can last six to six months to two years. And how do you get that back if it's faded away?

Unknown Speaker 12:36
That was a joke,

Unknown Speaker 12:40
because my dopamine level needs a reading

Unknown Speaker 12:44
for sure. Anyhow, Hey, young ladies, be careful out there. Please recognize your self worth. How can someone find that like, how does a young woman increase her you know, thoughts of

Unknown Speaker 13:01
her self worth, like, you know what I mean? I think a lot of it has to do with the way you talk to yourself, kind of like what Perry was saying, like starting those habits of positive self talk and intentionally

Unknown Speaker 13:13
trying to catch yourself and stop yourself from saying negative things, whether it's in your head or out loud to yourself, and also forgiving yourself when you do, like, slip up and say something rude. Okay, so what if you do, um, think something negative. I would think you should write it down and then fix it. Yeah, I think that's a helpful that's a helpful pattern also, yeah, I had someone aware for an adolescent, but that's a good idea. Well, someone from the show last week

Unknown Speaker 13:43
came on, Dr gogolian came on, and she was talking about positive psychiatry, yes, positive psychology, sorry, yeah, and she'll be back on next week. Everyone, yeah, I do want to say one thing, just like, with the mindset and the language of just like fixing like, we have to fix it. I think that like, makes the problem worse. Like, there's something wrong with me, I have to fix me. Like there's nothing to fix another brain, fact. So we have 60,000 thoughts per day, okay? And 80% of those thoughts are negative. So you're not gonna escape the negative thoughts. Nothing has gone wrong. It's part of our humanness, a part of our human brain. So I think, yes, like we want to change it and we want to adapt it, but I don't think we have to fix anything, because nothing has truly gone wrong.

Unknown Speaker 14:38
Well, what if we're like, re describing,

Unknown Speaker 14:42
yeah, reframing, redes framing, yeah, because, you know, I just think if someone said, if you feel like you're dumb or stupid, right,

Unknown Speaker 14:57
maybe you should write down I feel stupid. I.

Unknown Speaker 15:00
Little dumb. Why? Yeah. What are some reasons? You know what I mean? I feel that way. Yeah, unpacking. There we go. Yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 15:09
So because you don't want to, you want to get in the habit of

Unknown Speaker 15:16
journaling, journaling, but also

Unknown Speaker 15:19
talking to yourself positively. Talking to yourself positively. Yes, I was thinking as you were saying, writing those things down so you can kind of unpack them, like something we talk about in my office with the kids all the time is like, when you write things down, they fit in your brain differently, too, so you don't have to carry them around. They might feel less heavy when you write them down. And you can be like, Oh, you can evaluate the truthfulness and what you wrote down and shut the notebook and not think about it. Yes, yes. So Perry,

Unknown Speaker 15:50
when you are your clients, you get your clients mostly from referrals from social media. Social media, okay, so you have this podcast, the mindful Babe, it's been around for how long? The mindset, babe, I'm sorry, the mindset, you're totally good. We have been on air for two and a half years, okay? And you are on every week, every Tuesday, every Tuesday, and there's a lot of information there. And so people have discovered you. You have a lot of followers, yes, yeah. And so people are getting helpful tips from the mindset babe. So I encourage everyone who is listening to the sound of my voice to check out our podcast. Thank you. It's really good, guys. It's really good, yeah. So give us some examples of some of the things that are on there. So I just dropped the episode this week talking about all things motivation, just like three minutes, just to get you hyped for the week, I have an episode how to build Unshakable Confidence. I have a mindset. Series, are you fighting for your dreams? Like this is life. Is not a dress rehearsal. This is our final performance,

Unknown Speaker 17:02
yes, yes, absolutely. And then I have my fiance on. We have, like, a little couples, Q and A, but it rains from mindset, confidence and I love spirituality. I love all things manifestation. So I have a couple episodes, just like, how to talk to your spirit guides, universal laws, how to manifest. Oh, okay, well, that's something I'm not aware of. So what do you mean manifesting your spiritual guide? What does that mean? Yeah, so I guess two things. So spirit guides would be someone who passed away, either someone that you know. So just like a spiritual guide, angel that you could like talk to, and then manifestation,

Unknown Speaker 17:45
manifestation, to me, is just a partnership with divine. So if that's God, universe, angels doesn't matter what you believe in, but just believing that there's some energy force out there willing to help you with your goals and what you're trying to achieve, and just hoping people tap into that energy so they feel the confidence to take action. Okay? Because that's the second pillar, is to take action, yeah, we got to Yeah, and then remembering some of the things you want to do. Because, you know,

Unknown Speaker 18:16
when I was younger, I had a huge love for music,

Unknown Speaker 18:21
and as I became an adult and busier and busier and busier and pushing back all my stuff, I dropped the music and I forgot how it made me feel, which is crazy, because I'm on a jazz show, but,

Unknown Speaker 18:40
but

Unknown Speaker 18:42
really, I connected back to music by listening to 91.5 jazz and more, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 18:48
So don't forget those things that make you happy, yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. So what are some things that make you happy? I love music. That's how me and Katie really connected. Yeah? Met at a music festival in Chicago. Okay, crazy enough, I know, but I love even just a good dance party in my kitchen. But I just love music dancing, watching a good scary movie. Halloween is coming, all right, so this is your season, yeah. Okay, and what about you? Katie,

Unknown Speaker 19:21
I would, I would have to say, like, live music, same thing, having those dance parties. They're in your kitchen. I love my house plants.

Unknown Speaker 19:32
That's something that I find a lot of comfort and happiness in. I don't have that green thumb like mine dies. Yeah. So either, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 19:42
yeah, so I gotta work on that. But anyhow, well, maybe just plants aren't my thing,

Unknown Speaker 19:48
yeah. Well, I can, that's okay. I'll bring you one to work next. You know, I got a couple for my birthday. Thank you everyone for the birthday. Love last week, it was so, um.

Unknown Speaker 20:00
Unreal. You know, I work with a lot of people now I never did before, and just hearing Happy Birthday and people celebrating my born day, yes, made me extremely, a little uncomfortable. I got a little emotional, but then it

Unknown Speaker 20:22
it was wonderful. You know what? I mean, it's like the good kind of uncomfortable, yeah, yeah, yes. You deserve to be celebrated. Yeah, every day. Well, thank you. So learning to celebrate myself is what I need to work on, yeah, yeah, and not pushing back the stuff

Unknown Speaker 20:41
that I need to bring into the light.

Unknown Speaker 20:49
So Perry, I work with Katie, so I see her all the time, so my energy is just naturally going towards her. But you're here, and we're here to recognize the woman that you are. Yes, thank you. Yeah. So tell us some other things that you want us to know. I do want to kind of like piggy back from, like the celebration, like celebrating ourselves. I think it's the easiest way to gain self confidence for yourself. Every single month I make a celebration list from everything I've done, if it's going to the gym, seeing my mom hanging out with my little sister, cleaning the bathroom, posting a podcast episode, going to work. But just like celebrating all my like to do list actions and in the month, it's just like, Oh my goodness. Like, I actually did all this stuff. Like, I'm actually pretty cool, like, I'm actually pretty capable. So I've been doing this. This is the second year that I've done it, but every single month I celebrate, typically with food, ice cream or donut or something, and I just celebrate all the amazing things that I've achieved. And I always do it on the last day of the month, and then the first day of the month. I actually plan my goals. I love to celebrate first, because we're so quick to what's next. What do I have to do? It's just like we work so hard. Let's sit in the miracle that you cried and we're so frustrated over. Let's celebrate and sit in the magic of what you created. So I always love sitting in that, celebrating myself in the first day of the month, really creating my goals. And I think coming from that place when emotions are high, intelligence is low. So when you fill up your cup celebrating yourself, you feel more confident in achieving the goals for the following love that that's wonderful. Yeah, you guys celebrate. It's key. Oh, that's powerful. So what do you do when you have a client who's not quite there? Let's say this client is abused emotionally

Unknown Speaker 22:54
or physically or emotionally. How do you start with a client who's in that space,

Unknown Speaker 23:02
always just coming to the place with just like love and having just a just the openness for them to talk and share their story. I think especially when it comes to abuse, there's a lot of shame. Of, maybe, why did I stay in this relationship? Why you know this all the things of maybe it's my fault, and I definitely think shame grows in silence and just allowing them to speak their truth and just allowing it to be, I guess, more talk therapy, while they're able to hear that or heal that. Life Coaching is different from therapy. Therapy is a lot of like face talk or sorry past, talk with the trauma, all the things that happened in the past. Well, life coaching is in the future. So it's like we're done crying, we're done being sad, we're done being disappointed. What are we gonna do now? And so yes, we do talk about the past, because your past self is your current self, and your current self creates your future. So we have to clear up the stuff in the past, but life coaching is like, okay, yes, we've cried, but what are we gonna do now? Right? So you can move on from therapy, yeah, and get a life coach. And I have a lot of my clients that do both who have therapy to really heal and talk about the abuse or past trauma, whatever it is, but also at the same time, like, I'm ready for my life to move on and get going again. Oh, I love that. And then, do you do any, like, peer support groups or anything like that, like or group work? I do not do any group one group work. It's one on one. Okay, okay,

Unknown Speaker 24:37
all right. Well, I want to make sure I remind you all that it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and, you know, we're in Las Vegas, and we're kind of up there in the top five, top three, yeah, with domestic violence, maybe number one. I hope not. I, you know what? I don't remember. I did a show a few years ago, and I forgot, but I.

Unknown Speaker 25:00
We're up there, and if you need help, please know that safenest is the number one domestic violence agency in Nevada.

Unknown Speaker 25:11
And if you're elsewhere, there is a Domestic Violence Awareness Project, which is a national advocacy and their hotline number is 1-800-799-7233

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or 1-800-787-3224

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or 844-762-8483,

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483,

Unknown Speaker 25:44
so

Unknown Speaker 25:45
we're reducing the shame. We're reducing the stigmas. If you need help, please reach out.

Unknown Speaker 25:53
There are places for you. If this place doesn't work for you, find something local. But reach out and get some help. Talk to someone. If you can't talk to a friend, if you can't talk to a family member, call the agency. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 26:12
all right, so

Unknown Speaker 26:14
moving on. So have you ever had because it's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month, do you deal with women who have had any

Unknown Speaker 26:24
medical issues like that? Clients? No, but I actually work in healthcare. I have I work my nine to five, and a lot of our clients, or not, our patients, actually have cancer. So I work at a surgery clinic, so a lot of our surgeons actually removed the cancer. Oh, wow. So I deal with it a lot and with my patients, but I haven't had any with clients. Okay, I didn't even know there was a connection there. So, wow. See how that works. Okay, well, we're gonna wrap it up. Katie, did you want to give us any last words?

Unknown Speaker 26:58
I don't think so. That's a lot of pressure. Oh, have a nice day. I mean, yes, have an amazing day. And thank you again for having us absolutely Perry,

Unknown Speaker 27:10
just remember that you're loved and you are amazing, and you are capable of anything that your heart desires, and don't give up. You got this all right? And then, do you want to give them your social media handle again? Yes, on Instagram, the mindset babe. Just love to connect with you and hear your thoughts, the mindset babe, and it's also available on Apple Spotify. Apple Spotify, Audible, iHeart Radio, you'll find it all right, as you will find me. Zandra Pollard, it's where I am. I'm here every Saturday at 7:30am

Unknown Speaker 27:47
Thank you, 91.5

Unknown Speaker 27:49
jazz and more.

Unknown Speaker 27:51
We'll talk to you next week. Thank you. Bye. You

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