It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

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Zandra Polard 0:36
Good morning, Las Vegas. It's Sandra Pollard. The show is it's where I am. The show that focuses on mental health and wellness. Today, I have a special friend who is in the building. Miss Ariana is here. We're going to talk about some stuff today. We're going to dive in on gentle parenting. Yes, and how we have to deal with that in education, yeah. So before we get into that, first of all, I want to say Happy Happy birthday to you. It is our birthday weekend, so we are wishing you a fabulous weekend, and again, thank you for being on the show. Let's get into it.

Arianna 1:25
You are so funny, because I swear you weren't. I told you not to advertise that, and yet, here we are on Public Radio. Yeah, announcing it of all things, yes, you know what? That's a new one for me. That should have been a bucket list.

Zandra Polard 1:44
Well, I want to thank you for being here. I really appreciate it, you know, we've had some conversations, you know. And I just thought that, you know, with this is something we should talk about on air, because gentle parenting is wonderful, but you know, the cons of that are, oh goodness, right, when your kid comes to us. So when we are we are educators, and in the school setting, there's not always that time or gentle parenting, or gentle what would it be called, ooh, I don't know if there's another term. Well, for your gentle parenting, how about that? Yeah, so we do want children to be in touch with their emotions, correct. And that's one of the good things. It builds closer relationships between the parent and the child, which is wonderful, but by the time they come into an environment when there's more than two, you know, it takes up a lot of time, and so then how do you balance that? You know, that's hard, yeah, because you know you're doing this wonderful thing for your child and your relationship at home, but I still think there needs to be that piece of, you know, the conversation of helping the child to understand that you still have to follow directions right and rules

Arianna 3:15
right completely. And the thing that I like to tell parents, especially when I have conferences with them, is you have to think of it in the perspective of, would this fly in the real world? You know what I mean? And if you were to go into work and you know, you're having a bad day, like we as adults, we gotta find our own coping mechanisms through, to get through. And, you know, as adults, we still have to put the bill. And so, I mean, your boss is not going to sit there and tell you and ask you how you feel. I mean, that would be great and

Zandra Polard 3:55
give you some choices, right? And ask you, what is going to work out best, right? Yeah, yeah. So, how long do you think gentle parenting works? I mean, I'm sure there's stages and steps, right? Because I don't know if I was a gentle parent. I like immediacy, right? You know, hurry up.

Arianna 4:18
I mean, we would like it all

Zandra Polard 4:19
done, right? Yeah, clean the kitchen right now, right now,

Arianna 4:23
when you feel like it, oh, you feel sad, yeah,

Arianna 4:27
I feel sad because the kitchen's not clean.

Arianna 4:33
And so now you're wondering, like, is the motivation, your emotions, or is it like, do we teach kids tenacity. If we teach them to lead with their emotions, you know what I mean? Like things are gonna get hard, and do we quit when things get hard? I think that's the most important part. Yes, we can have all these complex emotions and big emotions, as we tell the kids, but at the end. Of the day, you got to teach them, okay, what do we do with it? There's, there's so much more. But I mean, it's not like you can I like to think like, you know, when parents come in and they tell you, you know, the best thing for my child is to is give them two choices, right? But I'm also dealing with 26 kids

Zandra Polard 5:25
at the same time, and everyone doesn't get that accommodation,

Arianna 5:30
right? Yeah, and it's just at the same time. I my classroom management. I'm trying to manage all these kids, and I, I'm, am I supposed to give all 26 kids that same individual

Zandra Polard 5:43
life? Not. So how do you explain to the parent, right, that that's not gonna fly? Oh, you have to be. Sometimes you just gotta read that band aid. Yeah, it's hard. Like,

Arianna 5:55
and you know, you get the parents who push back, they're like, well, that's when it's a little hard, because then now you're balancing, okay, Does, does the parent trust me, right, right? Or does the parent trust my management skills in the classroom at that same point, I think when it comes down to it, it's about safety, yes, in the classroom. Because if I'm too preoccupied with one student and I'm not focusing on the whole class, things can go bad real fast, right? And it's not even a matter, yes. So usually in the class, we like to have what we call a calm corner, sometimes effective, sometimes it's not, but, and

Zandra Polard 6:34
if it's not gentle parenting, it's called Time out. Yeah, okay, so the calm corner. I like

Arianna 6:41
that calm corner, but it's, I will say, the calm corner. I've seen teachers use it and and somehow their experiences are always like it's, it's a nice little diversion from the chaos it can create. But at the same time, there's students who abuse it, yes, so we don't know, it becomes an escape, right? And then all of a sudden, now they're always feeling sad, or they're always feeling angry, all of a sudden. And then, because there's maybe there's like, nice little fidgets in that little calm corner, right? And then, so then, how do we approach it as educators? Because there's always this like back and forth of how, how do we do this? Because people keep telling us, and there's so many like, new things coming in that tells us, oh, like we should do restorative justice with the kids, we should do. Teach them about SEL okay, what is that? Slow down. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Slow down. It means social, emotional learning, learning, right? So in addition to curriculum, we're already pushed to the limit, as is right? We we also have to teach this is also very important to I can see this being important to younger grades, little grade or the little ones, teaching them emotions and identifying emotions. Because,

Zandra Polard 8:11
yeah, because you know what I want to say. I noticed in your classroom that you have a section for that. SEL, yes, yeah, yes, so that kids can identify how they're feeling, right? If they don't have the words for

Arianna 8:26
it, yeah. And those are always important, right? Because it always starts with yourself, and especially with five year olds, it's always egocentric, like I need to everything's me, and I can only recognize what's in myself, and that's how I relate to the world, right? And so if, and a lot of the times the kids, we don't know what, where they're coming from, or what might be going on, environment at home, right? Yeah. So we also need to be able to teach them how to articulate that which is important. I will hands down, admit that is important, but at the same time, like what we were talking about earlier, like, how much of it is going to dictate the classroom, right? And I think that's the struggle as teachers too, is we need to figure out where, what is the balance, where, when, when do we implement it? When it is a smart time to implement it? When can we how do like, what techniques do we teach the kids? Right? Because there's we teach them breathing and how much of this is also outside of our scope of knowledge, because we're not counselors. I didn't go to school to be a counselor, right? And yet, here I am. I I'm expected to teach this kind of curriculum, yes, right? And sometimes there's a lot of stuff that's like way beyond my my experience, especially if it's something very traumatic that can make go through

Zandra Polard 9:58
and then you just you. You know, yeah, that's when you make the call to the counselor. Yeah, right, get it, get some more support. Yeah. So we're talking about gentle parenting, the pros and the cons. And according to Psychology Today, gentle parenting shares roots with authoritative and emotion coaching frameworks, which have robust evidence supporting emotional regulation, social competency and self esteem in children. So that is positive. We do want those things, but at the same time, we have to have a good balance, you know, and get kids to understand that you have to follow rules. You have to use your listening ears, pay attention and follow directions.

Arianna 10:52
Yes, ma'am. And that is always, I coming from kindergarten, that always is the first step, because no, no one knows how to sit down. I think that's the one thing I would love.

Zandra Polard 11:05
Sit down and stop picking your nose. Yeah, definitely,

Arianna 11:09
yes, I would definitely. I can't even count the times how many times I've said sit down in your spot today, if I could count it, or if I had $1 every time I wish I'd probably get paid more.

Zandra Polard 11:26
Yes, I believe that. So look, you've been in education for, I think you told me seven years, seven years in total. Okay? And you did some teaching overseas. Yes, ma'am, I did okay. So where did you teach? I taught in South Korea. Oh, my goodness. And what was that like? Oh, it is a completely Yeah. Like, how is it different? It's

Arianna 11:47
so different culture shock, that's for sure.

Zandra Polard 11:51
Okay, I know they listen over there. They do,

Arianna 11:54
well, I was teaching middle school. I wasn't with elementary Okay,

Zandra Polard 11:58
and that's even better, yeah,

Arianna 12:01
but, you know, pick and choose. You got your pros and your cons. You know, there's still teenagers going through puberty, so there's your there's your imagery right there. But at the same time, culturally, in South Korea, they're just taught to respect, not just elders, but teachers are seen as, like masters of their craft. So when you're considered a teacher, you're you're taught. And so for them, when they address you, it's they have to obviously bow, right? Because yeah, but I have never, I don't think I've ran into like, extreme cases of behavior, like, I don't have kids, like, climbing the walls. I don't have kids I've heard of kids probably outside of school, probably, like, getting into fights, but not within school walls, yeah, oh, wow, yeah. And so everything is very orderly. All the kids are in charge and responsible of doing all of the cleaning in the classroom. So at the end of the day, they are mopping the floors, cleaning the chairs they each class is assigned to a classroom to take care of. Yeah, it's completely different, and the way that they run the classroom is very much like. They don't like to stick out. Okay, yeah, so I don't know how best to describe this, because I just remember

Zandra Polard 13:39
it. They're collectivistic,

Arianna 13:41
yes, yes, yes. And they're very homogeneous in sense, because there's just one culture, right? There's one main culture that everyone identifies with. And so it was a lot easier for the kids. I think the only thing that probably would divide the kids is their economic background, okay? So you would see a lot of like, fights over like being

Zandra Polard 14:07
poor, teasing over me. Yeah, they do that here too,

Arianna 14:10
yeah. But there's added layers here too, versus over there. But then

Zandra Polard 14:16
over there. I just thought, Well, how long were you teaching before you went to South Korea,

Arianna 14:20
I wasn't teaching before. I was a substitute teacher before then.

Zandra Polard 14:24
Oh, okay, so it was your first time. Yeah,

Arianna 14:26
okay, yeah. Well, that was like, Oh, I, like, literally threw myself into the pit, because that was probably my first full time teaching experience.

Zandra Polard 14:37
And then you came here, and then I came here, so that was a big culture shock as well. Yes, yes. So you come back here, you go to a school in San Diego, yeah, yeah. And then now you want all the bad kids. No, I'm just kidding. You have, like, all these behavior issues, right? I mean, because they exist,

Arianna 14:58
yeah, I mean it's, I feel like. Because from the consensus that I've seen online, at least from teachers, it feels like it's not just one place. It's like across the board, there's all these behavior issues, and I don't know if

Zandra Polard 15:13
which takes away from the educational process. Yeah, and

Arianna 15:17
it really like, if you wanted to talk about education, it really behavior makes us fall behind extremes.

Zandra Polard 15:26
We spend more time dealing with behaviors, and that's a statistical fact. I don't have that in front of me, yeah, but I know it's a very high number.

Arianna 15:36
Yeah. I remember when I was doing my research for my master's program, I was looking at the scores for reading, and nationally, like high schoolers are reading on a fourth grade level. Isn't like to me, that's so shocking. And I was like, it. Was thinking, Well, part of it only 2% of them. Don't quote me on this. I don't know. I can't remember the exact number, but I want to say it was a shockingly low number that that kids found joy in reading. And that's that's very saddening to me, like, where, what is it that's that's drawing us away from all of the basic foundations, TV, there's online, all that online, yeah, and so. But you would think that the kids would be exposed. There's so much information online. They have so much access to everything. You would think that it would work in favor.

Zandra Polard 16:28
Do you think that people discount reading online as opposed to reading books?

Arianna 16:38
You know what? It's so funny, because I think you can tell which kids have been exposed to paper books. Okay, how so? Because you can tell how they handle the books. Oh, yeah. Like I I've seen more kids more often throw books or just, just,

Zandra Polard 17:02
what is this? It's a weapon. Bam, yeah.

Arianna 17:06
Then, then actually using it for its purpose and using it to read. And it boggles my mind, because I

Zandra Polard 17:11
told somebody to look in the index, and they told me, what was that?

Arianna 17:17
But, yeah, no, some schools, some schools, don't have a library, and that's that's like, are we teaching them how to search for books? But the thing is, there's a library in every community.

Zandra Polard 17:30
So you would think there's no one there but homeless people for the free bathroom. Yeah, sad to say. I mean, hey, at least they're getting at least they can use it. Yeah, shoot, and

Arianna 17:44
they're probably reading more than

Zandra Polard 17:48
we don't want to get on the subject of hopelessness, because we don't have any representation for them, so we'll get off of that. So we're talking about gentle parenting, mostly in terms of being an educator and how it transfers from the home into the classroom, and how that's managed, and the pros being, you know, children have a better Relationship with parents. Self esteem is built. Secure attachment and emotional regulation, yeah. And those are good things. And, you know, we're trying to get across the SEL or the social emotional learning component in schools, and that's great, yeah. And, and I mentioned that you know the piece and how you do it in your classroom. So you start with an area that you have that deals with the different emotions. So give me an example how you would use that space. Oh, ideally, little Johnny's throwing books, ideally, and a perfect in his nose and throwing a tantrum. What do you do in a

Arianna 19:05
perfect situation? Okay, ideal situation. And this takes lots of practice and lots lots of teaching with it, with it, because I always have to remind my kids that the items in my little calm corner are tools, not toys, and as as a kid, that is never the case.

Arianna 19:31
Are you kidding me? Yes,

Arianna 19:35
my pencil. Is it? I can put my mouth on it and it's a toy in an ideal situation, from what I've been taught in my trainings, is that you give them the option to go into the calm corner, and you're supposed to set a timer, and

Zandra Polard 19:54
they're teaching,

Arianna 19:56
they are allowed to use whatever you. Calming tools are available to them. And sometimes some of their calm corners, some calm corners, will have, like, breathing exercises available to them. They'll have little pinwheels to help them with their breathing. They'll have, I'm trying to think of, I can't think of off the top of my

Zandra Polard 20:17
head, but what are those little bubble things? So sometimes pop

Arianna 20:20
it, yeah? They'll have pop its irritating, yeah, it, it can get a lot. You can see why it can be really tempting to the child, because in their eyes, it doesn't look like

Zandra Polard 20:32
tools. You know what I like? I like those um bands that you get where you can just kind of stretch on them, quietly, or touch them or rub them. Yeah, you know, it's a, what is it called? When it is a tactile,

Arianna 20:46
yeah, it's like a more sensory, sensory, sensory tools, yeah. And I've also seen where there's tiles with like gel inside of them. You can kind of push, okay, so it's supposed to pressure. Is also like a sensory for the kids that helps them regulate. I mean, there's so many other

Zandra Polard 21:06
Where does a parent find these things like these are great tools to give to your kid, you know, to kind of help them self regulate, yeah? Where do they find stuff like that? Amazon. Amazon has it all. Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, I will say, but so you put in the search just far you, I don't you wouldn't be

Arianna 21:28
surprised if you taught, put in calm corner you. I'm pretty sure there's a teacher out there who probably made a little list on Amazon, but I think it's a very common practice now, so don't quote me on that, but as far as what you see from what I've seen, because from all the schools that I've taught at, everybody has a calm corner, and this is all in California, so I don't know if Nevada is doing the same thing, or if, I'm pretty Sure they would have something I don't imagine, like, where are they supposed to go? Well,

Zandra Polard 22:04
if you're an educator out there and you do not have a calm corner, I suggest you create one. How about that? I want to thank you, Ariana, for sharing your knowledge here today for our listeners, and thank you everyone for sticking with it's where I am. We're on six years now, and I just want to thank all my listeners out there. I know I took a little hiatus, and I want to thank Dr G for filling in for me, but for now, I'm pretty much done. I'm ready to start my day. It's early in the morning. I'm on my way to the gym. What are you going to do? You can find me at it's where I am.com. Let me know how you doing today. I don't know what's something different you did, but the show is here every Saturday at 7:30am it's where I am. You can find it. If you missed any portion of this broadcast on any major podcast, such as Apple, Spotify, whatever you like, I'm there. It's where I am with Zandra until next time. Thank you and have a great day. I'm going to leave you with a little song. Let's leave you with one of my favorites, lovely day by Bill Withers.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai