It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:06
Good morning, Las Vegas, this is Zondra polearm. It's where I am. It's where I am is a show that talks about mental health and wellness. And to let you know that you're not the only one. We all have issues, trials tribulations. And we just want you to know that there is no such thing as normalcy. Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down, but it's okay. And also to let you know that there are mental health professionals out there that can help you if you need to talk to someone, whether it's for a marriage, if it's individual, if it's for the family, there are professionals who are trained to be of assistance for you, I know that I need them all. I need individual therapy, I need family therapy. And I definitely, definitely need marriage therapy. And so usually on it's where I am, I'm not the only one. Usually, there are a few mental health professionals in the field, who are here to help and advise people. So if you would like to receive any help from any of my guests that are on the show, please feel free to contact me at Zondra. At it's where I am.com. Or you can go to my YouTube channel. It's where I am with Zondra pollara, we'd like your continued support. And let you we want you to know that we are here for the community to provide support and resources for you. And so today, my guest will be Monique McCoy, um, she'll be calling in in a little bit. And I'm going to have some questions for her, I want to ask her about what's going on with homeschooling. You know, I gave it a shot a few months ago towards the end of the semester, and it was definitely definitely definitely challenging. I had to relearn a few math skills to be able to assist my son. And thank God, I already knew my multiplication, multiplication. I knew my algebra. But I'm telling you, when I got to the geometry, I was dumbfounded. And so I had to go online and refresh my memory. But I had some schooling, you know, I had some background where I was able to be of assistance. And everyone doesn't have that. And if you do have it. Not everyone has the patience to deal with their loved ones when they're struggling, and a subject at home. And so now that we're going into this new semester in the fall, and the kids will be homeschooled. How do we handle it? You know, how long do we give instruction? How long should they have a break? I want to ask Monique these questions. Because I want to be able to assist and help my kids as best as I can. I know some people have some resources for tutoring. I know some people have programs that their children will be a part of everyone is not going to be at home, I'm going to be at home. But not everybody's going to be at home some of our situations are that both the parents are working or if it's a single parent home, that one parent has to go to work. And then who's instructing the kids? They're left to do it on their own? And are they really going to do it. I know with me, as soon as I turned around, mine is gonna switch that tab over to something else, and playing a game that I don't want him to play. I want him to stay on his studies, but I know he needs that little break. He needs that 10 or 15 minutes, I gotta make sure I make his lunch, I gotta make sure he takes a shower in the morning, brushes his teeth, and is prepared for his learning experience. And that can be a lot. You know, even when they were in school, it took a lot just to get them up out of bed, you know, to do all of these things to prepare them to get out in the morning. So now that we'll be preparing them to sit in the living room, or in that study area, how do we keep them motivated? You know, it's going to be how many how long is the fall? Let's see. We got August, September, October, November, December five months. We have to do this and so how is that going to work? And where's our support for that? Is there a

Unknown Speaker 4:50
peer support group for parents? You know, what's out there in Las Vegas? You know, if you know have a peer support group, please I am encourage you to contact me and let me know. So that I can share that with the community, we need those resources. We also need resources for tutors. There are certain subjects that I'm not so great in. There are subjects that I get more frustrated with than others. And so sometimes you need that extra added help. So, let's move on and we're going to contact Miss Monique McCoy, and she can give us some pointers. Let's find out what she knows and how she can be of help. So Monique, thank you for joining. It's where I am. Can you please tell us what is your licensure? What do you do for a living?

Unknown Speaker 5:44
Well, my name is Monique McCoy. I am a licensed social worker in the state of Nevada. I currently work as a social worker for the school district and I am also a PhD student in social work.

Unknown Speaker 5:59
Awesome. Well, the main reason why I wanted you on my very first show, thank you again for being here is because of your licensure what you do and where you work. So I was talking earlier about going back to school, we're all going back to school, not just kids, the parents going back to school to relearning things so that we can teach the kids, right. Absolutely. So I just wanted to make sure I was also mentioning, you know, if there's any type of parent support group for, you know, what the situation that we're in now with doing online, and because I know it's going to be stressful, right? And it's going to be stressful for the kids, it's going to be stressful for the parents, the kids are no longer socializing with their friends anymore. And the parents are definitely stressed trying to relearn to help the kids. So, in being at home online, helping the kids, what should we do as parents? How long do you think that we should have them on a subject? Like, should we make them stay on two hours? Should there be like a 15 minute break every half an hour? What does that look like? Do you have any idea? Well,

Unknown Speaker 7:19
I would start by saying to our parents that you can't pour from an empty cup. And so the very first thing as parents that we should be doing is making sure that we are okay. The quarantine has hit everybody hard parents, kids loved ones. You know, a lot of people are unemployed, a lot of people are struggling to figure out how to stay afloat. And we can't ignore the fact that that is stressful. And that sometimes when we are stressed, we tend to take it out on our loved ones, even if unintentionally. So I would start by saying parents need to, you know, maybe before each day, take some self reflection and meditation time, take some time to just kind of regulate yourself. Because if we as parents are not regulated, we're not going to be able to regulate our kids.

Unknown Speaker 8:10
Absolutely. Now, another question that comes to mind is, what if you're in a small apartment with five people? And you have to homeschool to I don't know what I'm talking about here. But let's just say there's five people in the small apartment. You have two kids that that you have to homeschool one maybe in high school, one maybe in middle school? How do you work that how you Alba, how am I okay, it's me. How am I going to help this high schooler and this middle schooler? At the same time? I mean, I have to have a schedule, right? I think

Unknown Speaker 8:48
schedules are very, very good for kids. And we've found this research has shown that people do very well on routines kids especially, right. So I think that you should create some type of schedule to use as a guide, the schedule does not have to be definite, right. It's not like if you deviate from the schedule, all hope is lost. But I think it's good to have a schedule as a guide. And I think if you do have kids that are different ages and different grade levels, you structure your schedule to where, you know, let's say if I have a high schooler who's really good in English, right? So I might start off his or her day with English, right? And let's say my middle schooler struggles in science, right, I'm going to need a little bit more of my input for that section. I would schedule their science to be first so that my high schooler they're already good. They know what they're doing in English because that's their strongest subject. Okay? And so they can kind of run themselves at that point. And if they need me, they can still access me, but I don't have to be as hands on. And if my middle schooler is struggling, because that's their weakest subject, and I can dedicate more time and attention to that, while still being accessible for my other children.

Unknown Speaker 9:58
Oh, that sounds great. So I'm going to try that out and see that something I'm saying that we could use, like with the parent peer support, right? Because I know a lot of times when I get phone calls, I'm just going to be honest. When CCSD, or my kids school calls me during this summer break, I don't answer the phone. Because I don't want to hear right, I'm not ready to hear it right now, I'm going to be ready. In about a week or two. I'll listen to them. But for now, I'm still trying to maintain my peace and order in the home before I tackle that, you know, and that's just me.

Unknown Speaker 10:38
I mean, these are really unprecedented times, right? None of us were prepared for this. None of us really know how to navigate this properly, there's no right or wrong way to do it at this point. And, you know, we already saw in the spring, when we were forced to go to distance learning, it is a learning curve, right. And there are a lot of things that we're going to have to realign and readjust. And, you know, I think that you do the best you can, what do you got, you know, nobody expects all these parents all of a sudden be teachers. And we still have our teaching staff to support us and guide us and give us direction on how to make this the best possible situation for our kids.

Unknown Speaker 11:24
Yeah, I just want to say that, you know, again, the reason why I named this show, it's where I am, is because it's about meeting the person where they are, right. And that's so very important. And also, to let people know that you are not alone. This show is not about although I do want to be as positive as possible. I don't want to pretend like I'm being positive positive, when I don't feel positive, because I no one else feels the way that I do. And I have to be that voice for those people who potentially feel the way that I do. I'm not happy about doing this online distance learning. But I'm going to do it. But I'm not going to pretend that I'm just Gung Oh, and happy and I can't wait for it to get started. Because that's not the case. And to do as I have to do as a parent, and I will definitely be there in support of the kids, I just want to do it the best way that I can. And that doesn't, it means I don't have a problem with reaching out and asking, or letting people know how I feel so that I can be possibly encouraged to do better. Right?

Unknown Speaker 12:36
I think that's really important. I think that more parents should reach out to each other, create kind of, you know, a safety network, because we're all in this together. You know, whether or not you know, you're familiar with the education system or not, you know, this is still something new. And this is still something that we're trying to figure out how it's going to work. I mean, school starts in a couple of weeks, and we still don't have all the answers

Unknown Speaker 13:01
and messages. Go ahead.

Unknown Speaker 13:04
Yeah, you know, so I don't, I don't want parents to get caught up thinking that they have to be perfect or have to have a teaching degree overnight. No, this is not that this is, you know, getting whatever foundation that you can from your teachers and from your school staff. And doing the best you can, you know, encouraging your kids to get their work done, allowing them to take breaks when needed, communicating with them about how they feel or the adjustments, because yeah, these kids are gonna miss their friends, they're gonna miss being able to hang out all day and, you know, socialize, it's gonna be hard for everybody.

Unknown Speaker 13:41
Okay, and I can't say it enough to make sure you please, you can either do it through, it's where I am.com For more information, or you can go to the YouTube channel, it's where I am with Sondra polearm. Leave a comment, make sure you subscribe, so you can keep up with what's going on. I'll have a few little commercials, and there's some little, you know, how to do what to do some added resources on there. So you want to make sure you keep up with what's going on. And I want to hear from you. I want to know what you'd like me to bring to the table. There's plenty of people out there who can answer those heavy, deep questions you may have. Or you may want to give me some suggestion. I'd love to hear from you. And I just have to say, you know, I don't mean to keep going back on this. But I do want to be a voice for the parents. That sometimes when I look on Facebook, and I look at all these parents saying oh, I just can't wait, oh, I would never let my kids go back to school. And I'm just going to be the best teacher and thank God I have a teaching degree and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We might have to ask cousin Auntie sister brother to help out maybe one or two days a week. We may need a little break. So don't you think it may Be a good idea to get those support systems ready? Like my friend crystallin Can you help me out and take kids to the park for like an hour between one and two? Oh, now right now it's gonna be hot as hell but later on, like so that I can have a downtime. Maybe I could take a nap, you know, recharge, be ready. These are the kinds of suggestions and ideas I would like to see on the comments. So please duck Everyone, please just give me your comments. And let everyone know like, what do you think and work for what works for you? And what do you think can work for someone else? Another important question I want to ask you, Monique is what if you have someone in the home who has a mental health chat challenges, or someone who may be diagnosed with diagnosed with something and it not even just with mental health, but maybe something's wrong physically? Like, who knows, but I just know that when one person is affected, it affects the whole house. Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker 16:16
I think that kind of goes back to finding a routine and what works for your family. You know, I've found that during the quarantine a lot of our our norms were taking away from us, right. So if you like to work out, you know, the gyms aren't necessarily safest place right now, right? Or if you like to go shopping, you know, the shopping experiences are different now. And so you have to go back to finding things that that bring you joy.

Unknown Speaker 16:48
What about the mother who has a child with autism? Okay, I'll give better example. A mother who has a child who has autism, and there's another child in the home, that's in the, let's say, sixth grade. That can be challenging, because the one with the one that's diagnosed with autism is going to require a lot more time. And I understand what you were saying about the subjects and when, you know, dealing with the strengths, and then focusing on the other one who needs more support at that time. But what if that child requires most of your time and attention? As a professional? What is your advice on how to work with that kind of paradigm?

Unknown Speaker 17:36
Well, I think you can take that one of two ways. I mean, a you can do, like we said, and have a support system in place to say, okay, hey, can you come over and spend some time with so and so while I take my other child to maybe go do something or you know, go to the park or get ice cream or something, you know, you have that support system. But in the case that you don't, because all of us don't have you noticed, that people can rely on, you know, a goes back to kind of structuring your day, to allow for some time for each individual child. And for that child that requires high needs, I think it's always important to communicate with the other child about what's going on. Because children are a lot smarter and more observant than we give them credit for kids see everything, and they understand a lot more than we give them credit for. So, you know, you take that other child to the side and you say, hey, you know, this is kind of what's going on. You know, I know it's hard for you. But you know, your brother or sister is going to require a little bit more, you know, if you could just, you know, bear with me, you know, and then when we get some free time where I can get them regulated and settle down, then you and I can do some things together. And you make sure you keep that promise and you schedule that time to where you can give that attention to that other child as well. It's a balancing act. It's not easy, by any means. I mean, even if you have to, you know, non diagnose kids, it's a challenge, right? You know, so it's not, it's not to say that it's just a simple fix, it's going to take practice, and it's going to take time, and sometimes your other kids may not understand. And they may or may become dysregulated. And you're gonna have to dedicate a little bit more time to them. But the more you get the kids kind of on a routine and a schedule and have communication about what to expect it kids will adjust. And a lot of times when kids know what to expect. They can regulate better because there's no surprises. There's no uncertainty. I know what's happening next, so I don't have to worry.

Unknown Speaker 19:41
Make sense, make sense? And then it's as to constantly be told, right? Like, I know I can't tell my child to shut the door once because he's not going to shut the door one time it's going to take 500 times for him to shut the doors. Yeah, we have to keep reminding them. As I'm hearing. We need each child To understand that we're gonna have to work with both of them, and just kind of explain the situation repeatedly. Right? Maybe a couple times a week. I know we can't keep seeing it every day. But

Unknown Speaker 20:12
no, but you know, understand that if we want our kids to be patient with us, we have to also be patient with them. Yeah. You know, and they, you know, I love when people say that the kids are adults with just different emotions. I mean, they're little adults, really, you know, they have bigger emotions sometimes. And we have to look at it that way is that they feel just like we do. You know, and so we can't become impatient with them and say, Oh, well, you should just sit down and be quiet, because I told you to know, they have emotions and feelings, so that we need to recognize that we need to acknowledge

Unknown Speaker 20:47
right, we can't be an authoritarian, is that correct?

Unknown Speaker 20:52
I'm not saying that, you know, everybody has a different parenting style. And I don't think that,

Unknown Speaker 20:57
but it's probably not a good idea to say sit down and shut up because I said, so.

Unknown Speaker 21:02
Right to think that we need to also be listening to our kids. You know, I tell my kids sometimes, yeah, like, if I said, my kid says wise, it's because I said so because I'm your mom, right? But you also have to have that balance where you're listening. And if they're saying that something's wrong, or if they're feeling off, or what have you that you're listening and saying, Okay, I'm acknowledging what you're saying, and then we can work on fixing or finding a solution.

Unknown Speaker 21:25
I so appreciate your comments. I thank you again for being my first guest on the show. Sorry, it was not in studio but I appreciate you calling in. Is no thank you for having me. Thank you Monique. Is there any social media handles you'd like to give out?

Unknown Speaker 21:45
I would encourage everybody to get involved with the NAACP. You can find their website NAACP l v.org. Which will give you information on our meetings and membership. My personal Instagram is at Monique OSH Nicole, Monique Mo and i Qu E, Asha A S H A Nicole and I ce o l e. Monique Asha Nicole, if you want to reach out, you can reach out to me there if you have questions, concerns, or you just want to connect. All righty.

Unknown Speaker 22:22
And I do want to say I am a proud member of the NAACP, and Monique. And I want to both when all encourage you to become members as well. So thank you for giving the information for the NAACP. Please join today. If you have any questions, the information is on the website. And you can become a member today. So thank you money. Thank you already have a good one. We'll speak soon.

Unknown Speaker 22:51
All right, talk to you soon.

Unknown Speaker 22:52
All righty. Bye. So now I want to get into another subject. I want to start talking about what can make us feel better. And I know for me a lot of times, that's food. Food is very healing. It's good for the soul. Sometimes Cooking Can Be a nice stress reliever. So that's mental wellness, right? Sometimes I enjoy cooking. And sometimes I don't want to make dinner sometimes I'll order not gonna lie. However, I do want to mention that there's someone very special in my life that I know. And I just want to support her website and it's called bueno eats and she just started but I will be talking about her on my show periodically because I think what she's doing is great. It makes me feel good to cook it makes me feel good to eat. And so I think I want to share that with my listeners and I would like to ask you, or I would like to let you know that you can find bueno eats on youtube.com. And look for Kaylee bueno. And look at some of those recipes she has. I know that she just posted a pesto pasta. I didn't know it was so cheap to make pesto. I usually buy it. It's like five bucks a jar. I can make it at home now and have plenty of it. It goes on everything. So anyway, I just wanted to plug Kaylee bueno for bueno eats and let you all know that she is a chef. She'll be on my show next month and she will talk about some of the recipes that she has. And just wanted to give her support and give her a shout out. Bueno eats. I just want to thank 91.5 for taking on my show. And also I want to give a big shout out to Kevin Kroll, the audio engineer here at 91.5. Thank you for making me feel comfortable and getting me through my first show. So just to let you know this is a monthly program. Our next show will be in September. I'm every second Saturday of the month at 8:30am. And again, just to let you know you can find me at, it's where I am.com. All of my shows are posted there, you can click on all of them. Please listen, there's information for everyone. There's some comedy on there. I know I have a comedian phase on love for those who know, phase on or big worm. He was a guest on my show a few months back. And he's on there. I have Chris Spencer on there who is a great big producer out in Hollywood, for Blackish. And some of the other spin offs from the grown ish. And so have you. He's been a movie producer for quite a few months. And he was a great support for it's where I am late last year. And there's several shows on there, I'd like for you to check out some will make you laugh. Some of them I'm sure you will be able to identify with. And hopefully, there's some things on there that you can learn from. Also, just to let you know. So September, we're going to have Kaylee bueno on from bueno eats. And she's chef and she'll be talking about some of her great wonderful foods that she's making. And then in October, we will be talking about it as Cancer Awareness Month, we will be having that very heavy discussion. But it will be with a wonderful, lighthearted guest, who I love Nikita dove will be here in October. So please make sure you tune in for that already. So that's the itinerary for the next few months. I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say. And maybe we can add more to the discussion. So it's where I am with Zondra polarity and remember, you're not the only one struggling we all are. So join me here next month, second Saturday of the month at 8:30am. It's where I am with Zondra Kohler. Thank you

Transcribed by https://otter.ai