It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:52
Good morning Las Vegas. It's Zondra ball art. It's where I am. today. My guest is see Reggie Rogers. The relationship coach. Welcome. Hey,

Unknown Speaker 1:05
Sandra, what's happened and you forgot one thing, the number one relationship coach? Oh, the number one can't leave that out. That's important. Okay, so

Unknown Speaker 1:13
what makes you number one, Reggie? Well, I

Unknown Speaker 1:16
think you have to see it in your mind. You have to become it and you have to be it. Once you become it and you be it then it manifests. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 1:22
so is that only in your mind? Or

Unknown Speaker 1:26
if you look at a lot of things, you Google me, you'll see a lot of articles talking about number one relationship goats. Okay, so you've helped a lot Google me Google. Yes. So

Unknown Speaker 1:37
you've helped a lot of people. I have in fact,

Unknown Speaker 1:40
I did a how many weddings did I do yesterday for violence? I did five weddings yesterday for Valentine's Day. Oh, my goodness, I did five new year's I did 11. So you know, we I have a new series out. And that's the thing, I have a series out called dating and creating, learning the five stages of dating, getting people to that place of happy, wholesome relationships, from a organic standpoint, so that, you know, I'm teaching so if it doesn't fit, don't force it. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 2:09
so you help more? So like the preliminary to getting married? Yes, dating?

Unknown Speaker 2:17
Yes, I do. Do do the preliminaries, because I want you to understand the dynamics of dating. Okay. But once you get into the dating aspect, I'm also there for you too, because now that I'd become that relationship coach, so that you do understand how to continue on to have that because it's continual, you want to have that healthy, wholesome relationship. And that last stage of the five stages is happy, healthy, wholesome relationships.

Unknown Speaker 2:42
Okay. So do you find that a lot of people ask you to, like, match them up?

Unknown Speaker 2:48
No. I mean, you know, I've been people have called me hitch, but I'm not really hitch because it was a match. I love that movie. Yeah, but he was a matchmaker, I'm not a matchmaker, because one of the things that I teach, and I empower people to have an understanding of the best relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. So if you don't love, you can't love somebody else. If you don't like you, definitely not gonna like someone else. So the basis of all relationships is self, because you cannot have a relationship without you.

Unknown Speaker 3:18
Absolutely. And, you know, I always say that you should get counseling or therapy for yourself, before you enter therapy with your partner. Right?

Unknown Speaker 3:30
Yeah, I think I think you should know yourself in totality. And a lot of times people go into relationships, not knowing themselves in totality, because they've lost so much of themselves in their prior relationship.

Unknown Speaker 3:40
And they're also looking for people to make them happy. Instead of knowing how to be happy within,

Unknown Speaker 3:47
right, you gotta go into relationship. 100%. And because the old concept was if I'm 50, and somebody else has given 50, we create 100. No going 100. Because if you're going 100 Your whole you're not half me want to go into relationship hold and not have

Unknown Speaker 4:03
that makes total sense to me. Now, what about the berry? Why saw that says something about, like, you give 60 They'll get 40 at 20? What does

Unknown Speaker 4:14
that mean? It sounds good, but but with every generation comes a whole new elevation. And so that's all school. And so this is a new elevation and so you want to continue to

Unknown Speaker 4:23
evolve. Now, do you mostly work like What's the age group? 35 typically to 65 Okay, because most people nowadays, getting married later back in the day, you know, used to be like, 80 Right? Yeah. Now we're seeing it's more like 25 and

Unknown Speaker 4:39
my dynamic so typically, the computer fills my seminars and comes to my shows, and when I was on tour, it's 35 to 65 Those are my demographics,

Unknown Speaker 4:48
okay. But I noticed that men are typically my male friends that I know, tend to be ready for marriage about In a 30s

Unknown Speaker 5:01
Believe it or not, the studies show that men actually start to evolve at 35. Okay? That's what the studies show because a man at 35 says, okay, you know what? I don't need to buy another car. I'm not concerned about all this jewelry like that anymore. They start to look at life from a whole totally different perspective. So that's the sweet spot for a male is 35.

Unknown Speaker 5:24
Okay, well, I got mine at 38.

Unknown Speaker 5:28
And you women mature a lot faster. So that's why at 35 Sometimes when you're dating, and you have a man that hasn't hit that sweet spot yet, women get really frustrated because he's not at that place of shifting.

Unknown Speaker 5:43
Okay. Okay. Is that why I always like older men? When I was younger?

Unknown Speaker 5:49
Possibly. Because you probably because you were probably a lot more mature for your age. Yeah. Or I don't know, you thought the minute you raise probably what on your level? Right?

Unknown Speaker 5:58
Because I don't think I had daddy issues. You know, my dad is still in my life. Okay, always has been great guy. But I always liked older men.

Unknown Speaker 6:07
So your dad probably set a plot too for you and gave you something to reach towards? Yeah. And so when you wanted a mate or a partner, it was probably in your mind of who your dad was. So you had something to reach for. And if the man couldn't stack up or add up, then you kept him moving. So you're probably a lot more mature for your age.

Unknown Speaker 6:28
Well, I will agree with that. I will agree with that. So I have to say also, I did your show. Yes, you did, which is called the coach in the calm. And that was so much fun. Tell us more about your show. So

Unknown Speaker 6:47
actor and comedian buddy Lewis, most people know him. He's, you know, he's a comedian. He's been a lot of movies. So buddy Lewis and I, we create a dynamic where we talk about issues that are relevant in Hollywood people when people are dealing with going through relationship wise. So he comes from the comic standpoint, I come from the coach standpoint. So we bring our perspectives together. So you get the serious and you get the funny yeah, but it's a great dynamic. And it really, really works. And

Unknown Speaker 7:16
the reason why I'm laughing is because when I was there and listening to Buddy, it was like, you really don't want to take his advice. You really don't. But tell us where people can find

Unknown Speaker 7:30
you. We are actually on most of the platforms, your podcast platform on Spotify, YouTube. What am I missing? There's a bunch of other Google coach in the comments, because we're mostly platforms, all your social media, podcast platforms. But it's funny because we do this segment called is called trending. Okay. So we make up these I make up these words that are quote, unquote, trending that has to do with dating and relationships. Yes. And then buddy has has to give me his definition of what he thinks these words mean. We did that. Right. We did it with you. So you know, that's my favorite segment, because some of the stuff that buddy comes up with is hilarious.

Unknown Speaker 8:17
Yes, it was, it was so much fun. So now, let's get back to this relationship coaching. Okay. So now it's after Valentine's Day. A lot of people have been disappointed already. You know, things didn't turn out quite like they wanted it to. So how do you advise those who have been let down? I just say, let them go?

Unknown Speaker 8:44
Well, we have to really go to the base of why are you let down what was your expectations were your expectations, unrealistic expectations. So we have to determine what their expectations were. And then maybe we could tweak or we can modify. What becomes more of a realistic expectation compared to an unrealistic expectation is great to have expectations. I think expectations are great. There's an old adage that says expert expectancy becomes a breeding ground for what you want to happen. So if expectations become a breeding ground, and we have to set it up where it's realistic, because we don't want to go in with these unrealistic expectations, because you're going to continue to be frustrated, you're going to continue to be disappointed. So let's take some smaller steps to create expectation expectation that can be realistic. And then as we continue to achieve, then we keep expanding, because see, that's what separates me. And when you asked me about number one relationship coach, my moniker is where you get dating from an expanded conscious perspective. What does that mean dating from an expanded conscious perspective is I empower you to begin to focus on what you intend to create. Not what's meant See, because we can all focus on what's missing. That means we're missing the mark. I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have a husband, I don't have a wife, I don't have a fiance bla bla bla bla bla, and whatever you think about that's what you bring about all you're doing is expanding what you don't have, okay? But if I change that narrative, because the thoughts is what you think what you think about is what you bring about. So now if we shift the narrative here, now we we begin to become more intentional, because wherever the tension goes, that's where the energy flows as right so we want to shift that attention. So that now we're hitting the mark, what do you intend to create? What does he look like? I don't just want a good man. No, that's too vague. What does your good man look like? Okay, so now we start to put the pieces to the puzzle. You're good man looks like this. Because Sondra, you're good man maybe different than Monica's good man. That's too vague to just say I want a good man. So let's see what yours

Unknown Speaker 10:57
looks like. I think you mean like what he does

Unknown Speaker 11:01
not just necessarily all that is inclusive. What does he look like? I want to know, I want a man that has integrity. I want a man that walks with dignity. I want a man that walks with honor. I want a man that has a good job. We're going to put all these pieces into this puzzle, because that's what you want in your man. Okay, right. So now if we could put all these pieces together, that now becomes your attention. So that's what's going to expand. So whatever we think about that's what we're going to bring about because it's now expanding, because that's my thought process.

Unknown Speaker 11:31
So how do I fix the one I have already?

Unknown Speaker 11:35
Start seeing it before it happens, because you get it up here as you think so you become so now, that's that whole going back to the power of the mind. Yes, that's that expanded consciousness. Again, you've expanded in your consciousness. And so you create the reality of what you want. That's why it's important to have realistic expectations, as opposed to unrealistic expectations.

Unknown Speaker 11:59
And you know that it's also really important to write things down. I talk about that a lot. So like, as you're thinking about what you want, write it down, you may want to revisit it.

Unknown Speaker 12:10
Great point. Here's, here's the exercise that I give everyone. Oh, that's the expanded consciousness and the exercises. What are your dealmakers What are your deal breakers? And what are your absolute non negotiables? Okay, so if you can write all that stuff down, now it becomes visual imagination plus visualization equals manifestation. So when you can imagine it, you can visualize it, then it can manifest. So we asked you to write down, what are your dealmakers I don't want you to just give it to me one day, take some time max out on it. What are your deal breakers, max out on it? And then what are your absolute non negotiables? So we have writing down is extreme. There's an old adage that said, if you write it down and make it plain, then you can run with it. There's

Unknown Speaker 13:01
an old adage that says when you assume, right, I'm listening.

Unknown Speaker 13:08
I'm listening. I think it makes it makes it worse.

Unknown Speaker 13:11
Well, I can't say I think you all know. Anyhow, let's get into your written everything down. Okay. So now you have to look at, you're looking at what you want from someone else. But then you can also look at those things. And maybe realize, where you need tweaking yourself does

Unknown Speaker 13:36
really good. You have to. So again, I teach are in power that you do the work, the work has to begin with you first. Because remember, the relationship has to start with you first. So you have to do the work, it's imperative that you take the time to do the work, do the work that's required and you however long that takes, make sure you do the work. If you're selfish, then your objective is to become selfless, right? But you have to be honest with yourself. Some people don't want to be honest, because they are afraid to see what they really see in the mirror. Exactly. And so they don't want to do the inventory that's required in order for the work to begin because if you don't do the work, you're just going to find yourself chasing your tail and then you're going to find yourself with a different person dressed in different clothes, but the same type of personality, right.

Unknown Speaker 14:29
Still the same different outfits, same person. Yeah, got to work with yourself got to do the work. Yeah. So what else did you want to help us understand about relationships?

Unknown Speaker 14:42
I mean, I just think relationships. There's no one size that really fits all. It's It's really what what you discover is your fit. What works for you when

Unknown Speaker 14:53
you say that it just reminded me like I had a relationship issue. Okay. husband, and I was telling one of my girlfriends, and she was like, oh my god, I thought you guys, there was nothing wrong with your relationship. How can that be? Don't look at me as an example. Because you really don't want to know. Any mean, like, just work on yourself and your own thing.

Unknown Speaker 15:20
I mean, we all have enough on our plate that we don't have to really go into somebody else's yard. It's enough that we have to contend with, you know, and it wasn't a compliment. So what love does is though, here's the thing, here's the beauty of love. And I'll say this, when I'm marrying people, the beauty of love is love creates two entities. The first entity that it creates is a life story. That's all the stuff you're talking about. Now, this stuff that'll make you frown as well as stuff that'll make you smile, right? That's a part of your life story. But then it also creates a love story. And they run parallel. But they're continuum, because the life story is going to continue the love story is going to continue. And as it continues to go, it grows, both the life and the love. So you just have to be patient, see it through if it's something that you feel is worth it, if it's worth having is worth staying in here and keeping.

Unknown Speaker 16:11
Have you ever been in counseling with a couple, and your advice was to let the relationship go?

Unknown Speaker 16:20
I would never say that. Okay, I would paint I would paint because just professionalism, you're taught not to say something like that. But what you are taught is to paint a picture so that they can say it themselves. Because if you said that they can come back, it can come back to bite you. Okay, but you paint a picture, that that's what they determined they want not, I'm telling them, that's what you should do.

Unknown Speaker 16:43
Okay. Okay. But you do push this day together. And the last part of it, right?

Unknown Speaker 16:50
Um, you ultimately want to see two people work it out. But if it's a situation that's not workable, I'm going to paint a picture that two people can see that this is not salvageable. This is just toxic. But you all always want to see two people, you know, just just objective you want to see two people stick it through for the length of time, you know,

Unknown Speaker 17:15
so you're a relationship coach, but you also I'm going to ask, do you also marry couples? Yeah. Okay, so that's called no fishy,

Unknown Speaker 17:25
fishy, correct. Okay. And so so in the state of Nevada, you could just you have to take a test, in order to become an efficient, and you have to score 100 on the test. In order for you to pass the test.

Unknown Speaker 17:36
How many times can you take the test as many as you

Unknown Speaker 17:40
gotta take, but you got to score 100. And so that law just came into play. This past year. 2000 going into 2023. That's the new law. Before you just could go and fill out and get a license and do it. But now you got to take that test. But of course, you have to be an officiant and do I marry people? Absolutely.

Unknown Speaker 18:03
So people, if you want to get married, you can reach out to see Randy Rogers right.

Unknown Speaker 18:09
Yep, go to see Reggie. rogers.com Let me spell that for you see, as in Charles are Egi. So that's one G one i Rogers r o d G ers dukkah. Now do you have

Unknown Speaker 18:21
like, weddings that you've recorded that people can see, like, some of the stuff you've said? Um, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 18:29
actually, people requested me because I do a lot of I do a lot of weddings for chapel of the flowers. Okay, so they Vegas, Las Vegas Boulevard, can they retake record a lot of videos. So they've made a little montage of different videos that I've done and a lot of people request from what they hear that I say beautiful.

Unknown Speaker 18:51
Now, when I got married, I didn't like I wasn't able to pick out what the officiant said, we don't get a choice in that. Know

Unknown Speaker 19:03
what you can say, you can say, you know, I want somebody who's either gonna give me a religious ceremony, somebody's gonna give me some traditional vows. You do have a say in what you want. But in terms of what he ends up saying the day of No, but you have definitely have say so in how you would like it set up like I want a religious ceremony, or I want a traditional ceremony. I don't want either I want an unknown orthodox ceremony. I mean, that's your call. Okay. This series that I have out is empowering so many people. And I think that a lot of times, as you said, people are frustrated after after we're post Valentine's now. And even pre Valentine's I was pushing this series, because what it does is it gets you to the place of understanding the steps and the stages as it relates to dating. For example, first stage is just a meet and greet. It's not even a date. It's a meet and greet. What you want to discover in that meeting. Read as you want to talk about, you want to discover what I call all the C's. First you want to determine how's the conversation flowing conversation?

Unknown Speaker 20:08
Okay, stop hitting the table. Okay?

Unknown Speaker 20:10
Do we have good communication? Okay. Then you want to dispute you want to discover? Is there any chemistry? Okay? But ultimately you want to find out? Is there a connection? So you want to go through in there, if you want you get the series, I give you a list of questions to ask. So I'm helping you walk through, I'm gonna give you a list of questions. But you want to ask these questions where it's not coming across as if you're interrogating the individual, right? You want to flow with the questions. And the first question, I'll give you an example. First question I tell you to ask them i Hey, so what makes you unique? People love to talk about themselves. And once they start talking, you're going to find a whole lot about them, because they may struggle at first, but once they get going, they're going, they're tapping into what makes them unique. That's the first question I'm telling you to ask. And that's the first question that I asked when I mean, what makes you unique? Because it's important. And I layer the question. So every every question I'm asking you to ask I layer so you pull it off layers all the way down, so you can really determine if it's a fit. Wait, now

Unknown Speaker 21:13
is this No, you said it's a series but you have a book, right? Is that in the book as well? No,

Unknown Speaker 21:18
if you go to my website, you will see that you can either buy it in the audio or in the video. Okay, so I have I have the five stages in audio, which you can purchase. Or if you buy the other package in the video, you'll get the video plus the audio plus a bonus. Oh, workbook.

Unknown Speaker 21:34
Okay. Oh, that's great. And this is all for dating all for day. Beautiful. Because, you know, the reason why I asked you to a lot of people ask you to hook them up, is because a lot of people ask me, they are like, you're married. You're good lucky, you've got to have some good luck and single girlfriends. These

Unknown Speaker 21:55
are mid asking you, these are men as you bought because they think that birds of a feather flock together, you're beautiful. So they just assume you got other beautiful friends, birds of a feather flock together. But

Unknown Speaker 22:04
I have girlfriends too, who are asking me about my husband's friends. Now on my husband's only friend. So that gets really tough. But what do I tell these men and women who are looking to date someone who have not been successful? What should I tell them?

Unknown Speaker 22:27
Well, if they're asking you to hook them up, maybe they feel you know some some other people like you. But truth of the matter is just be patient. Do the work on yourself once you do the work on yourself. I'm a firm believer that the universe is a master choreographer, a master choreographer, it knows how to choreograph. When you're ready, a lot of times, the reason it hasn't happened yet, you think you're ready, but you're really not ready.

Unknown Speaker 22:56
Or you don't get out.

Unknown Speaker 22:59
I mean, you can't find somebody if you're if you're a hermit and you stay in house. Definitely. That's like saying, I need a job. But you never go on an interview. Right? And that's the thing too, you know, speaking of interviews, when you go on an interview, the interviewer knows the right questions to ask you because he already knows what the person who's gonna fill that position should look like? Yeah, it's the same thing as what I'm trying to telling you. When it comes to dating, you should know what you want your mate to look like, feel like walk, like talk like all of that. So you're asking the questions to see if it's a fit. To work in your company.

Unknown Speaker 23:34
What do you think about social media? Because now I just tell people, you know, because when I was dating, you know, I met my man at the bar. Okay, I'm not gonna lie, man, I'm at the bar. But what do I tell? Like? Um, I usually say like, try social media. Social

Unknown Speaker 23:52
media can be a friend or foe. This is really how you use utilize it. It can be a friend, it can work. It can be a foe, it can work against you. It's how you utilize it. Yeah, this is true. And that goes back to you having your non negotiables okay, that goes back to you knowing what's your fit it has knowing what you dealmakers are your deal breakers are so that now when you meet somebody, you have something to gauge it by.

Unknown Speaker 24:19
I would say deal breaker would be this is one for you. If I were single, if I had to use social media, I think a deal breaker for me would be if they didn't do FaceTime or video chat. That would be a deal breaker for me. That would be a deal breaker because I saw a documentary about this famous football player Matteo was his name. So tell somebody from Hawaii and he got catfished they did a documentary about it. And he had never he fell in love with this woman and you I think they were dating for like two years. Never saw her except for pictures. She wasn't real. He got catfished to dec in 2000, beginning for some money. No, okay. No, the person that catfished him was a transgender woman. And she put up a picture of some woman in California. And catfished them. Whoa, fell in love. And it's just a very tragic, tragic story. I'm sorry, football guy, whatever your name is, I don't like football. But the story really reached out to me. And so it was very tragic. Well, yeah. So so that's my social medias. That would be one of your deal breakers? That would be a deal breaker for sure.

Unknown Speaker 25:51
Okay, I get it. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 25:53
I got to see your lips moving

Unknown Speaker 25:55
on to talking. And so it's important that you know what your deal breakers and dealmakers are. That's why it's so important.

Unknown Speaker 26:01
So what do you think about women? Because you see this in movies, women who ask about the credit score right away?

Unknown Speaker 26:10
I'm opposed to it. Personally, I think that you could get all of that without having to ask that. Okay, I think that the way that I set up my, my dating and creating the questions, the way that I set them up, and remember I said their lair, I feel like you can get all of that without having to go straight for the jugular. Okay. And ultimately, that's what you want. You want to be able to see if you guys are on the same level, if he's where you want him to be as it relates to what works for you. So the way that I layer these questions is going to get you right there without having the same. So what's your credit score? Because if a woman asked me that I'm about to leave, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 26:51
yeah. Hey, so I think that from what you're telling me, I kind of feel like, your workbook would work. For me, even though I'm married. I

Unknown Speaker 27:04
will tell you this. When I went through my divorce, which got me into having to want to get a clearer picture of understanding of the cycle sees of the woman's mind, that's what got me thinking, you know, I want to understand a woman. Because when I went through my divorce, I asked myself two questions. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? And what won't I do moving forward? Maxed out of each question. Then I realized I had a book. And then I said, You know what, I'm reading everything on the market on dating and relationships. So I studied everything because I really want to understand and then I realized that women empower women, you guys weren't getting it from a male's conscious males perspective. So I wanted to fill that void. But my point is, when I started that study, I read this book called fireproof fireproof was for couples. But I was a single man now. But the same principles that I took for couples, I utilize it for a single man. And it helped me just like what you're saying, it will help what I wrote down will help a couple just as well as, as well as a will single people's principles principles. Don't change principles or constant principles remain. Well,

Unknown Speaker 28:08
you heard it from see Reggie Rogers, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for helping all the single people out there. And also, I think what you given your nuggets will improve my husband dating me, so I can't thank you. I'm Zondra polearm. You can see me every or hear me every Saturday at 7:30am on K u and b 91.5. The number one smooth jazz station in the nation. See you next week. Bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai