It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:25
Good morning, Las Vegas. This is Andhra Boulevard. It's where I am. today. Our topic is sustaining work and love in Hollywood as black women. My guests are Paula J. Parker and goatee Elaine Oliver. Welcome, ladies.

Unknown Speaker 0:46
Hello.

Unknown Speaker 0:48
Thank you so much for being here. So you ladies, I know I want to start with Paula, who was an actress in a good friend of mine. Yes. Who has been in the business as we were discussing since she was was five, five years old?

Unknown Speaker 1:03
Yes. Like, I'm gonna say five years, my dad died when I was three. So the first thing I did publicly would be at the caramel Theatre in Cleveland, Ohio, I did a play at five.

Unknown Speaker 1:16
Wow. And then you grow up. And everyone knows you as joy. On Friday, which is so interesting, because when you booked Friday, you asked me to do your hair and nails. And you mentioned it very often in different interviews, which is funny to me, that people ask about, I just want to say, I appreciate that you continue to add me to the story. So thank you.

Unknown Speaker 1:49
Oh, sweetie, you're part of the story. There's no way I could get around adding you to the

Unknown Speaker 1:54
bills, mails, girl.

Unknown Speaker 1:59
There's no way where you know, we we had we had fun. We definitely had a good time. But on people in house.

Unknown Speaker 2:10
Yes. But you know, this show. This show is about mental health and wellness.

Unknown Speaker 2:15
Yes, I have dyslexia, he has you told me

Unknown Speaker 2:19
you had a lot of things going on. I didn't know.

Unknown Speaker 2:23
OCD. I have a lot going on over here. Wow. I've learned to live with it. And I don't, I am not a victim. I'm just living like the rest of us. We all got something we're bad lead. And Mine just happens to be I see the world differently. I like to say

Unknown Speaker 2:42
yes, absolutely. And you know, I like to have celebrities on the show. Because, you know, often you guys are the people who take us away from our reality for an hour and a half, two hours. You know, and it's important for people to know, we all share the same feelings. And a lot of us go through some of the same stuff. And Paul, you're so candid in your interviews, you know, there was a lot I learned about you from reading what you had to say. Like I had no idea some of the battles you face like, and one of the articles you were talking about. Homelessness? Yes. Yes. Can you share because the topic is sustaining work and love in Hollywood. You started out as a child actress. And then there was a time where you had to deal with where am I gonna live? How did that happen?

Unknown Speaker 3:34
Since 1008. I think 2008 hit everybody so hard. I was a baller balling with the job. And then the writers decided to go on strike. And they wrecked the world. I think the world realized how much Hollywood was a source of our country's finance. You know, Hollywood is really running our country. And we had to show that respect in 2008 when the writers went on strike and the whole world went on a What did they call those a recession? You know, we all we all got hit. I was one of the people that got hit by a fraudulent mortgage company. I was also one of the people who was on the show. At the time. I was on a lifetime show that so it was a blessing because I was on a lifetime show. At the time the writers went on strike. So if you were on a show, when the writers went on strike, they would pay for your you know, they would give you a stipend, but it wasn't enough to cover what the show was giving me.

Unknown Speaker 4:48
I remember you were taking holes. They were giving

Unknown Speaker 4:51
you like just 30 a pop, you know just to show up.

Unknown Speaker 4:57
But Paula, I remember you telling me you Taking care of your mom always loved

Unknown Speaker 5:04
my mom. And I've always been the breadwinner. Because I make a lot of money. You know, I married a guy right out of college getting his master's in actor. So I got pregnant right after we got married. So he was the stay at home dad and I'm the, you know, go to work mom, and then after so my homelessness is not the same. Right? You know, I think someone defined it as in between homes, where I, I didn't have a home, I was I was kicked out of this home, because I had to do a short sale of my my condominium. Well, there's

Unknown Speaker 5:49
there's extremes, but just the feeling of knowing you don't have a place, even if it's for the night,

Unknown Speaker 5:56
you know, I've never not known where the next was coming from. And I think it hit me hard as because I had a son. You know, I've also never had to really be dependent on anyone in an emotional sense, or had anyone depending on me. You know, I helped my mom because I could and I chose to

Unknown Speaker 6:19
love you miss Claudia. Shout out to miss Claudia. We love that because she

Unknown Speaker 6:23
couldn't do for herself. She owned homes. And, you know, she was a homeowner. So she owned real estate. So she wasn't destitute. I did it because I chose to. So you know, it was the lowest point for me. So I was blessed. Because I wasn't afraid to speak my truth. And if I had been ashamed or afraid, the opportunity that got me out of the hotel was a reality show. Carlos cake. got me out of the hotel, because I wasn't afraid to speak my truth. And they created a whole show around it. And, you know, I think TV One is still eating off that show Hollywood diva. Shout out to Carlos. You know, the you just spoke on my honesty. And I'm just a believer that if I'm experiencing it, there's somebody out there also who could

Unknown Speaker 7:22
help. So let's talk about love. So, Paula, I know you fell in love at work. Is that right? You were filming Idlewild as Oh, okay. Okay. Well, you've done so many.

Unknown Speaker 7:43
Thank you, Jesus. Yes, Lord, when it got really bad, dry. I was like, Yes, I'm already starting 550 movies deep. So those residuals are like, keeping me alive. And that's what kind of sucks about being an actor is our screen actors guild, they tell you to look at your residuals like extra money. But honey, when you've done as many jobs as I've done that can sometimes turn into your major money, right? So the way they dole it out is unfair to those of us who have a certain amount of money, you know, just sitting in the pot that we're looking at it like, I see five G's sitting there, and I'm about to get infected. Can you send me my money and that that is something that has often happened, like, even in the situation that I was in, when I lost my home. The week after I lost my home, I got more than what was required in one check from screen after scale. So it sucks.

Unknown Speaker 8:53
And it's a blessing all at the same time.

Unknown Speaker 8:55
Thank you, baby. It's the butt kisses at the same time.

Unknown Speaker 9:02
And I'm just so proud of you. You have a long standing career. And a lot of us black folks out here are really excited about the Brown family coming back from hoochie mama for relays

Unknown Speaker 9:17
to guys that are YouTube and Google are always growing

Unknown Speaker 9:24
I was always trying to Hey, yeah

Unknown Speaker 9:26
definitely hang out try it

Unknown Speaker 9:32
if I if I can say I think I might be embarrassed by I was watching your movies as a young person but not so sad. I know I raised you. I know what I'm saying. I was probably I should have been watching The Proud Family but I'm out here watching movie see right

Unknown Speaker 9:47
where you want to go? Because mother's used to bring little girls up to me from Friday and the little girls would know the lines like verbatim who wait I acted out. And I saw a little girls, more than one, like straight up just hand on a hip and football bone, like, just in sync. And I was just I was very interested in it because for real from all my son is 12. And he's wonderful. I let him see Friday. Like, he's the only thing of mine that he's ever really seen is the prom family. Like, I have watched my stuff, and he's really not seen my boobs, and I'm not bad. I told him about so heads up. No, but No, he doesn't watch my stuff. So I commend you for watching my stuff. And I thank you for watching us that was a baby. Which is shut up Washington prom.

Unknown Speaker 10:52
We're gonna get a chance. Yeah, cuz it's coming back.

Unknown Speaker 10:56
So you have kids got it? No, that's what I was gonna say. It's on Netflix now, right? Well, no, we're on Disney. Plus, Disney. Plus, I know we were streaming it recently. My my four year old has discovered it from his six year old bestie. So I have been

Unknown Speaker 11:12
watching as of late. So we're on we're coming back on Disney plus. So that's why Disney plus is streaming all five years. And the movies. I think we did two movies. The Proud Family Nice. Very excited and hokey. And, you know, the proud of that project because it is unlike any of the other projects that I really I typically get cast in. So possibly it's because it was my voice. I get to I get to show my intelligence and my voice. Because they look at me, said they see, you know, joy, thanks to rock girls. So, yes, I really do enjoy the proud family. So we've got some, we're louder and prouder. Palmer has joined the cast. And we have a lot of great people from Lizzo to I don't know LeBron James coming and hanging out with us. So

Unknown Speaker 12:14
nice. Cool. So I want to kick it over to Cody, and get into black love, which is on the Oprah Winfrey Network. So you are in your you just finished your fourth season. You're working on five, love black love. And you know, I feel like I spoke it into existence by you being here. Because I had a guest on the show. Mr. Chris Spencer. Yeah. And I told him I said, Oh, you know, you and your lovely wife are on black love, and made sure to give you a shout out. And now you're you are.

Unknown Speaker 12:52
I love them so much.

Unknown Speaker 12:54
So tell us about what's going on for next season. You want to give us any heads up?

Unknown Speaker 12:59
You know, unfortunately might be a little early.

Unknown Speaker 13:03
Okay. Well, you know, I try.

Unknown Speaker 13:05
Yes. But our you know, we my husband and I created black love season one was in 2017 alongside and we have grown a platform with black love.com Black love social channels, because we wanted to talk about 360 degrees of black love. So where the show is about what it takes to make a marriage work the site and our live events. This year we've been virtual events is really you know, we tackle all kinds of topics around self love dating, partnership, parenthood, sisterhood, brotherhood, mental health and wellness. Those those topics are extremely important to us because you show up as the sum of who you are and your experiences in your relationships. And so many people are looking for love and partnership but aren't aware of how everything that they've done and experienced and their mental health specifically impacts that. We want to talk about all of

Unknown Speaker 14:07
it. And you know, too often I talk about my husband on the show. It's not always in a good light. Forgive me but for you is it difficult for you to work with your husband on the show? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 14:22
Yeah, we actually saw backtrack my yes and say not so much on the show anymore. Created the show we created the platform. We're growing this brand, and it's very hard for us to work together. I think the show because we've been doing it the longest, literally from the we met in September 2013. By January 2014. We had agreed to work on this project aka to get dating. We got a camera loan from Canon and then by fall 2014 So a year after we met we were shooting um And so we've been working together for long enough to have lots of problems and sorting through them.

Unknown Speaker 15:07
Tell me about that camera alone,

Unknown Speaker 15:09
yet well, so funnily enough, I used to do PR for Canon for a short period. And I manage their camera loan program because their cinema cameras were new. So they wanted more cameras in the hands of filmmakers, and my job,

Unknown Speaker 15:22
black female filmmaker. Yes,

Unknown Speaker 15:26
he is my job was to, you know, get those relationships between Canada and filmmakers, we would be at film festivals. And that's where we would meet the filmmakers. And I met my husband at the Toronto Film Festival met September at TIFF and then by January at Sundance, I had convinced Canon to give him alone alone with my job, and

Unknown Speaker 15:53
so you know what both of you guys went to Howard University. Yes, he did. Bison. That's right. So look goatee, I wanted to ask you, did you go to school for psychology, or counseling? Because your show has to do with couples in you know, opening up about their marriage. So

Unknown Speaker 16:16
that was definitely of interest to me. And I didn't, I did not go down that path. Mostly because I was like, I need to study business. So I can make a lot of money. And you know, like I just what I had in my head, right. And, of course, I left the business school and went to the School of Communications to study journalism, because I clearly like talking, talking to people, I got some questions, but that interest in really that like the human experience and relationships, that's just a part of who I am. And so I'm kind of obsessed with the notion of like psychology and therapy and counseling, and certainly hidden myself, but I just I'm always, you know, fascinated by people who are in that profession. But no, I did not study it.

Unknown Speaker 16:59
You asked some great questions, you really get your guests to open up. And it's just like, even when I was telling you, my husband and I, we were watching an episode, and he was like, the men are talking is just the women talk. And I'm like, no, they take turns. So then he's like, I noticed a lot of these men aren't having sex. This was like the last episode we saw that came on last week. I don't know which one that was. Girl. He was like, you can just tell Look at him. And none of them are kidding. That was his opinion. So we weren't given any. Yeah. So we were like going back and forth watching the show. And I think at the time, he wasn't getting it. So I think I think he was projecting Yes. So I just got that being said, watching the show is quite fun when you get to watch it with your spouse, because you can relate to what they're going through.

Unknown Speaker 17:57
And that was also part of why we well two things one is get. Together, every episode has to pass the Tommy test, we want to make sure that men enjoy watching it and that's why Tommy has to enjoy watching it right. And we try to represent them. perspective if a if a wife is talking about an issue and and talking about what the problem was and how it got resolved. And the husband says nothing that I'm like, Okay, what do you think about that? Well, what was your take? What did you say when she said this? Because it is important to see both sides, even if they're not the same. And part of why we wanted to do this was so that people we wanted to normalize all the things that can happen in a marriage, ship and normalize all the things but normalize the fact that things happen, and that you're looking at two people who've gone through it. So the question is, how did you get through it? That's really all that matters. To me. It's funny, you said that I asked him questions. I literally wanted to know what's the worst thing that can happen in a marriage and how you get through it. And the people that are sitting there on that couch, you know that they're still together? You know what I mean? It's not like we're looking at people with a few exams, a few exceptions. It's not like you're looking at people who are divorced. You're looking at people who have said this happened, this happened, this happened. And this is what I learned from him. This is how this is how we're sitting here today.

Unknown Speaker 19:18
Do many of the couples get counseling, like are most of them? You know, do you know if they've had counseling before? I mean,

Unknown Speaker 19:26
I could not put a number on it. But I would say quite a lot. I would say that's a running theme is that many of the couples and we've talked at this point to over 200 couples, we've been doing this since 2014. And so on the show you've seen like 70, right, but in you know, in terms of how many people we've actually sat down and talk to for an hour to two hours. It's over two and a couple so for sure. I've observed overwhelming number of people who value therapy or counseling during or premarital or both. And another thing that I've observed a lot of is primarily women, at some point saying, This is what I want to do I want to be married, I want to have kids, if you don't want that, then let's just not do this. And I always bring that up, because so many of us feel like we can't do that. Or we can't make the first move or whatever. So many women that we've interviewed, have that story where they were just like, what, what we do. And it's not an ultimatum, it's like, if that's if this isn't where you want to be, then that's

Unknown Speaker 20:32
so so many people in the black community, so many of us, we get our counseling, through the church, and through the church only. And so this helps to open up experiences for other people who may be getting married, or have been through a divorce, and getting remarried, you know, to identify with some things, learn some things.

Unknown Speaker 20:54
I completely agree with you. And in terms of the fact that many people in the black community, a spine, their counseling in the church, yes, or B, not at all. And one of the reasons that that stood out to me that so many of the couples that we've interviewed mentioned, therapy was because of those two facts. And we try to highlight it as much as possible when people say it, however, casually, some people talk about it for a long time, because they're like, oh, it saved us. And some people are like, you know, we wouldn't want but we learned this. And that's still important to see that people are making that choice. Exactly. And, and so I you know, I just think it's, it's one of my responsibilities to make sure that we're showing all of the ways in which our couples are finding their way from, from through the through the difficult times. And just so happens that quite a few of them credit therapy, or at the very least, finding a path to self awareness and self growth. And therapy is often a big part of that.

Unknown Speaker 21:59
You know, I want to thank the 91.5 listeners for tuning in. Once again, you can go to my website, it's where I am.com There are some resources there. Please check them out. There's pictures and biographies of some of the guests, but there's also resource information. So please check it out.

Unknown Speaker 22:18
I'd like to jump in and remind everyone that Jesus wasn't a formalized on practitioner either. And either way the disciples

Unknown Speaker 22:29
Okay, Paula has a which I watched it this morning, you have something? I don't know if it's on Instagram or Facebook, but it's called Bible gassed. I actually I actually liked it

Unknown Speaker 22:47
because it's my my alter ego stuff that, you know, I don't know, if people I don't really care. It's just me expressing so yes, that's my bio cast. Thank you for watching.

Unknown Speaker 22:59
I did I say came on this morning. Yes, I

Unknown Speaker 23:02
don't I don't put it I haven't done an apple or Spotify or any of that. It's just for me. It's my therapy. You know,

Unknown Speaker 23:12
along with singing I know. I didn't know you were a singer. Yes. Yeah. You sent me some clips of you singing beautiful voice. You love. I do love you. And Cody. Please tell us about black love. After Love.

Unknown Speaker 23:31
Oh, yes. First time ever we did a an after show for black loco after which can be found on our YouTube page. youtube.com/payment got a

Unknown Speaker 23:41
divorce?

Unknown Speaker 23:42
No. It's Black Law 360 Child

Unknown Speaker 23:46
concept that we're very lucky at Yes. It's important to know that it's okay for it not to work, but to figure out how to be a happy healthy person after that. So we'll talk about that another day. After Love was me in conversation with a few of the couples from each episode that we each episode that was on her own this season. We did an extra look episode four. And that's on our YouTube page. And so those are a lot of fun in the couples were able to see the episode and talk about that and talk with each other as the first time that besides our live events, where couples can talk to each other and that was a lot of fun.

Unknown Speaker 24:25
Well, I want to thank you both for being here. It's only a half an hour show. Unfortunately Martin intelligent

Unknown Speaker 24:31
Zondra and you did you go to school for it because you've always been my therapist.

Unknown Speaker 24:38
I did get a degree in psychology. Yes. Yes, communications and psychology. But I went to a state school out here in Nevada State scorpions. Oh, why

Unknown Speaker 24:50
are you blaming yourself because of that owl black Why

Unknown Speaker 24:54
didn't go to Howard like I was there, you know, on the campus, and I was trying to go to the pool. Already some whatnot. He I was there, but

Unknown Speaker 25:05
I'm gonna tell your listeners she doesn't remember me at Howard, but I remember

Unknown Speaker 25:12
that will be for the after show, Paula that's not on this platform. Anyhow, it's where I m.com Tune in. Thank you 91.5 Thank you Paula J. Barker. Thank you, Cody Elaine Oliver. Oh, wait, I always do this. I'm sorry. One more thing for those who love Christmas. My friend has a movie coming out on Lifetime on December 22nd. It's called the Christmas I note. It's 8pm Eastern and Pacific time. Please tune in Christmas. I know. Thank you. It's where I am.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai