It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Wesley Knight 0:00
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Zandra Polard 0:43
Good morning Las Vegas. It's Zandra Pollard. It's where I am, right here on 91.5 jazz and more. Today we have special guest, Madison Gully. She's been on the show before, and she's our sex therapist. It's time to talk about sex, baby. Welcome to the show.

Madison Gulli 1:09
Thank you for having me. It's good to be back.

Zandra Polard 1:12
Yeah, so we're gonna talk about, we're gonna revisit sex and menopause, definitely, yes, because it is so important, you know, I'm well over the age. I'm, like, pre menopausal, and my primary care provider is younger than I am, and she's never brought it up, really, wow. And I don't think to tell her. I mean, I'm looking at this young woman like, you know, I'm not thinking about hot flashes, but when I'm sitting with sometimes colleagues or friends will mention it, right? It's easier to mention it with people that are your age, definitely, yes, like, you know they're going through it,

Madison Gulli 1:57
yes, exactly, yeah, yeah. And it's, it's really unfortunate that your doctor isn't bringing it up, because this topic is pretty hot right now, in the in the public, I noticed there's just a lot of people talking doctors and social media about menopause, perimenopause, how it relates to sex, you know, and more women are definitely sharing about it. But certainly when women I know that have gone through it, like my mom, for example, nobody talked about it. She just called it the change, right? And that's just such old language and terminology, yes, yeah. Or,

Zandra Polard 2:34
you know, women will look at each other and kind of laugh, like, right before we start the show. I was like, Oh, let me take the sweater off. It's hot, you know. So it's called perimenopause.

Madison Gulli 2:46
The beginning stages is perimenopause, and that is, to be honest with you, that can actually be five to 10 years before a woman actually goes through menopause. And that's a long period of time, yeah?

Zandra Polard 3:00
Because it's like, it just isn't like, menopause doesn't just start like, bam, you're in menopause, right? It's like, gradual,

Madison Gulli 3:11
yeah? So perimenopause is gradual, but again, it's a different age for every woman. But typically it's between, well, perimenopause can again, keep in mind five to 10 years before, but menopause can be from 45 to 55 or for some women, not until 60. Okay, so think about 10 years, five to 10 years before that, I knew

Zandra Polard 3:34
I was sweating at 30 some I was like, 35 having hot flashes. Yeah, yeah. And everyone the women were like, No, you're too young. And it's like, well, my body is sweating, yeah, exactly,

Madison Gulli 3:45
hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, decreased libido. You know, irregular mood swings that aren't normal. What excuse me for what's normal for you. So every woman can figure out, like, what I'm feeling is a little more intense, or maybe I'm not feeling anything. So it's whatever is normal for you in terms of, like, your normal PMS and mood swings. But in perimenopause too, periods will become very irregular or be heavy or light. Okay, yeah. Again, what's abnormal for whatever your system is,

Zandra Polard 4:24
yes, okay, I got it. So still thinking about the old language, like you said, like, the change and that, because I say that too, yeah. So I was thinking also, like, train of thought. Like, I lost my train of thought just a few minutes ago, right? Yeah, so that's one of the symptoms, right? Yes, brain

Madison Gulli 4:44
fog. Brain fog, train of thought, yes, fatigue, Oh, yeah. But again, more than usual,

Zandra Polard 4:52
have you heard about this cold shoulder thing? Yeah, frozen shoulder. Frozen Shoulder, absolutely girl, I got the frozen shoulder. Yeah, I've got that frozen show. One day I'm just working out, yep, and then the next day I have frozen shoulder, yeah. So I thought it was because of working out, sure, that would

Madison Gulli 5:12
be the natural inclination, right? But no, it's definitely from a decrease of your sex hormones, which, that's what perimenopa perimenopause is it's a decrease of our sex hormones, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone, okay? And what's interesting, this is something that I've learned over the last few years, because, again, there's more research people are talking about it. So it's in in the it's certainly in my realm of being a sex therapist, right? But we have very specific receptor sites, and for women, specifically for estrogen, again, because our bodies need it in our brain, our shoulder joints and our hip joints, and that's why we have more pain in our hips, in our shoulders and brain fog as we're going through perimenopause and menopause because of the decrease in our sex hormones.

Zandra Polard 6:03
Oh, wow. Okay, so how do we get those sex hormones back? So you really

Madison Gulli 6:08
need to see your physician. You need to be going to either a functional medicine doctor or back to your OB GYN, and hopefully they're not old school where they don't want to prescribe anything, or they're following an old protocol or standard of care, which, by the way, has been debunked, so to speak, like that, research was thrown out. It's not, it's what doctors were using in the late 80s and all through the 90s. And so that was to not that was to not prescribe women hormone replacement therapy because it could increase their breast cancer and general cancer risks, okay, and also because the how they were getting some of these hormones, they weren't coming from like they were coming You know, I know this might sound really odd, but estrogen comes from equine, pregnant equine. So pregnant horses, that's how they make estrogen that we take. They get it from Nourse, yes. Oh, and so there was just, like, a big myth around that these things aren't what our body normally makes. You know, they're not plant based or bioidentical, and they're made in compounding pharmacies. And so then the big pharmaceutical companies weren't endorsing them, and then doctors wouldn't buy into it. And the study that I'm kind of referencing, that I'm going around about, but I'll just name it, it's was by the World Health Organization, and it was done in the early 80s, mid 80s, could give, give or take. It could be wrong on those dates, but that research essentially said if, if doctors give women hormone replacement therapy, it's going to increase their risk, it's going to increase heart cardiac issues, it's going to decrease their lifespan. But all of that has been disproven.

Zandra Polard 8:00
Okay, yeah. So maybe that's why so many older women, they will tell me, like, Oh no, I don't take anything.

Madison Gulli 8:08
Yeah. Okay, yeah. And that is why, because their doctors, they didn't educate them about it, and people weren't really talking about it. Because, you know, the change, right? It's happening with women and, you know, card rooms and in the in the kitchen and right or in the congregation, so to speak. But women weren't really talking about like we're talking about it now, and

Zandra Polard 8:29
that's why we have this show, exactly yes, exactly the public about things like this, yeah.

Madison Gulli 8:35
And so that's why hormone replacement therapy wasn't given, but it's really important for women to pay attention how they feel. And again, every woman is different, so you have to go by what is not normal for you, in terms of your mood swings, your periods being irregular, a decrease in your sex drive and libido. And yeah, yeah, that's it. Okay, one thing Can I mention I don't, I don't mean to cut you off. So also, too, with the research that's newer out if a woman has gone through menopause, and the definition of menopause is one year post period. So, so it's like one day if you haven't had a period in one in one year and 366 days right now, you're menopause. Okay, got it. But if a woman is post menopausal for greater than 10 years, she's actually not a candidate for bio or, excuse me, for home replacement therapy.

Zandra Polard 9:34
Oh, wait, say that again. Yeah. So

Madison Gulli 9:37
if a woman is post menopausal for more than 10 years, then it's too late. It's too late because research has found that giving her hormones now actually won't benefit. Her mental clarity won't benefit if she won't have the beneficial cardiac benefits that come from hormone replacement therapy, her libido is probably nil. No nil. And in terms of, like, vaginal dryness and the internal tissues of our of our vaginal canal really, like, it's sort of, they've atrophied, and you can't, you can't really kind of get that back. It's been that long. Oh,

Zandra Polard 10:19
now what about women who have had hysterectomies?

Madison Gulli 10:23
Yes, um, so if they have whether it's partial or full hysterectomy, that means that their body doesn't have the organs that make our sex hormones, because that's where we make our sex hormones. Granted, there's a process too with our pituitary and our ovaries that kind of is a feedback loop for our endocrine system. But if woman has had partial or full hysterectomy because of other medical issues or what have you, then her doctor should have put her on some sort of hormones. Oh, absolutely, like day one. I've had a couple of friends that have had partial hysterectomies or full and their doctor put them on hormones before they even were discharged from the hospital. Oh, wow, because they knew that you're gonna Okay, you're gonna feel better. We need to replace what's not there. Okay,

Zandra Polard 11:11
now we've I want to get into the well, you talked about the psychological factors, which are anxiety, depression, and that impacts the sexual desire. Oh, yeah. But what about the pelvic floor?

Madison Gulli 11:30
Yes. So because we have a decrease of estrogen, it weakens our pelvic floor, and it causes our internal tissues, our vaginal tissue, to sort of not be as lubricated enough by our natural lubrications, and so that tissue is more prone to tearing or, again, atrophy that that it's where the it's just it's not as plump, right? Okay,

Zandra Polard 11:58
wait, I'm confused. So what is the pelvic floor? Because I'm thinking the pelvic floor is something else. Okay, your pelvic

Madison Gulli 12:05
floor is all of your muscles that cradle your pelvis, so they run from your very low abdomen at the beginning of your pubic bone all the way back to your rectum. Okay. That is your pelvic floor. It's called your pelvic girdle. And inside that are all of our hormones, our sex hormones, our, you know, yeah, our sex hormones, all the good stuff.

Zandra Polard 12:26
Okay, so tell us about lifestyle changes then,

Madison Gulli 12:30
yeah. So definitely speak with your doc. Keep you know, this is the thing too. I you know we're talking about memory fog as well, right? Clarity and mental clarity and memory fog. Women should start keeping track. You should start writing things down so that you know this is how I felt this day. This is how I felt this day. So when you go into your doctor, always

Zandra Polard 12:50
back to that journal Exactly.

Madison Gulli 12:51
It's not like, oh, I kind of been feeling this way. They're not gonna, sort of, they might not be paying attention like they should be. And so that's why women have to be advocate. You have to advocate for yourself and be like, I'm not feeling good. I'm having I'm having difficulty sleeping. I feel really restless. I am forgetting things or misplacing things. You know, it's kind of like, it's ever it's like a slight down, decline, okay? And and then you just don't feel good. You know, in terms of fatigue, decrease in sexual desire. You know, you're sort of, kind of in your own world. There might be weight gain too. And again, all of this is because it's a decrease in our hormone hormone function.

Zandra Polard 13:37
And so communication with your partner has got to be super important,

Madison Gulli 13:42
very important, key, very important. Yeah, absolutely. Because I love men, don't get me wrong. But sometimes they're not as aware as we would like them to be, and they're certainly not going to be attuned to our system, sure, and so yes, we need to be talking with them about how we're feeling, and again, not complaining, but speaking to them about it. And you know, also, too, men age as well, and they have a decrease in their hormone function. It's just not as severe as women. And so we should be talking to our partners about how we're feeling and what we're going through.

Zandra Polard 14:19
Don't guys get like, a testosterone shot. Well, yeah,

Madison Gulli 14:22
they do. So they kind of go through their own mail. It's called andropause as a matter of fact. Oh, okay, and that's a decrease in their testosterone level. And sure, they can, they can, they can have it prescribed it. Yeah, it's so this. I'm gonna get on my soapbox for just a minute. Go for it. So it's interesting that you know men can it's FDA approved for men to be given testosterone replacement, but for some reason, the FDA has never approved women to have testosterone replacement, and that's not fair. Yeah.

Zandra Polard 14:59
I don't get it, yeah? So how much testosterone do we need?

Madison Gulli 15:03
We just we need a little bit, but we do, we can't even get a little bit. That's right. Technically, doctors are prescribing it off label. That's what it's called, because the FDA hasn't approved it to be prescribed for women. It's

Zandra Polard 15:15
same thing with like, Viagra,

Madison Gulli 15:18
exactly. Okay, yeah, exactly. So that's the imbalance that's can that's happening in our medical system, right? So that's a bigger systemic issue, but, yeah, men also have a decrease. And, you know, they're going in and they're getting testosterone shots, and they're loving life, they're working out, their libidos up, and they're looking at their wives or the women in their life, and going, you know what's wrong with you, right? Right? And they don't really know what's going on with us. That's why we need to be sharing it with them. And hopefully, hopefully we have a compassionate and understanding partner.

Zandra Polard 15:50
Yes, yes. Oh, I hope so. Well, so we're talking about sex and menopause, and I want to continue with the conversation of lifestyle changes. What else can women do other than the hormonal replacement? Yes, or along with it?

Madison Gulli 16:10
Sure. So again, it's important to recognize that speaking to your doctor about this is super important, and getting on hormone replacement, but not thinking that it's going to be like a magic pill, that it's not a cure all. Women still have to take control of their life, and they need to definitely through these changes. They need to prioritize sleep, because your sleep will absolutely be disrupted with a decrease of progesterone in your body. And women need to exercise, because a decrease in our sex hormones will it again that goes back the pelvic floor, right? It weakens our muscles all over our body, but certainly our pelvic floor, and then we'll lose muscle mass at a faster rate not having our sex hormones. So sleep, exercise, and you need to make sure that you're eating well, but not just a diet change. I would definitely recommend eating more fiber, healthy fats and protein at every meal. Okay, yeah, those are really big things to help women with lifestyle changes, along with communication with your partner, but also hormone replacement, yeah, okay.

Zandra Polard 17:28
Well, you know, I don't know, Madison, if our listeners know that, it's been some years, but I've had quite a few therapists that have come on the show, that have done reality TV. Oh yeah, and you were on 90 day fiance. 90 day fiance, one of my faves. Yes, love reality TV, but now people can see you at they can an agency. Yes,

Madison Gulli 17:53
they can. I'm very excited to be partnering and working with mindful healing Counseling Center in Las Vegas, so that's where people can find me,

Zandra Polard 18:02
and that's near here. That's near the studio, yeah, it's actually very close.

Madison Gulli 18:05
It's only just a couple miles away. Okay,

Zandra Polard 18:07
so it's mindful, healing, counseling, and the phone number is 702-660-5943,

yes, 702-660-5943, mindful, healing, counseling, of course. Now are you the only sex therapist there? Well,

Madison Gulli 18:30
yes, technically, I am, but we have a variety of therapists that specialize in a number of issues. We have a trauma therapist. We also offer anxiety and trauma groups for women, and then we have a number of other therapists that work with children and young adults and teens. Now, I

Zandra Polard 18:47
met you through one of my friends from college. She's a younger lady, and she was talking to me about sex counseling, oh, maybe about 10 or so years ago, yeah. And it's like, how do you know you need sex counseling? I mean, you know, there's so many things with relationships, usually financial, yeah, but I would imagine sex is right under that it

Madison Gulli 19:14
is. So typically, people will go for couples counseling or individual counseling because they might need help with communication or conflict resolution, but I get a lot of people that do have those other issues, but it sometimes stems from a lack of sex, a lack of desire, and therefore a lack of communication. Oh, so they already know they do, yeah, or their sexual dysfunction. And again, I hate to label this but a decrease in hormones menopause, that that's a sexual dysfunction, just like men have other types of sexual dysfunctions they are dealing with. But yeah, they people know that this is sort of the bigger issue, and they should seek out either a sex therapist, a clinical sexologist, somebody that specializes in counseling. But um, also in the area around sex, sex positive.

Zandra Polard 20:04
So what are some things you could recommend to a couple to start having a better sex life?

Madison Gulli 20:13
I would say decrease expectations. Okay, take expectations off the table.

Zandra Polard 20:19
The first thing most people say is date night, yeah,

Madison Gulli 20:21
yeah, and that's okay, but. But I also think people should have sex before they go on their date. I don't think they should wait until the end of date night, because by then you've had a nice dinner. You're tired, yeah, exactly. You might have had a glass of wine. Don't wait till the end. So have sex before. But also, again, decrease expectation. Maybe it's just about spending time together and decreasing distractions and setting the stage, that's what I call it. So put some nice music on. Think about showering or taking a bath, maybe together, or just being in your room, in your personal space where you know you're not going to be disturbed by other family members or kids or your phone and spend some time, oh, maybe

Zandra Polard 21:04
they'll come knocking on the door, Mom, mom,

Madison Gulli 21:09
well, and that's the other thing. Don't be afraid to lock your door. And parents should lock their door around the times they feel like being spicy, but also when they want to have a conversation. So kids know, Oh, Mom and Dad, are they locked the door and then they think something's happening, right? So parents sometimes, like, are apprehensive about, well, if they lock the door, then they'll know, like, your kids are gonna figure out what's going on. Like, it's just a matter of time. I mean, we all do, but yeah, so, you know, talk to each other. Create intimate space to reconnect. Take expectations off the table if you do have sex, take orgasm off the table, because sex should not be goal oriented. The idea around communication and sex and intimacy is creating connection. Okay? That's what it is, connection and pleasure.

Zandra Polard 22:00
So we can't expect an orgasm every time. Well, we

Madison Gulli 22:04
shouldn't. It's nice when we have it, but we shouldn't expect it every time, because then we're like, racing to get to the mountain, right? And that's that doesn't make it fun. It adds more pressure, yeah? Okay, you know, I

Zandra Polard 22:17
thought it was all a part of it. Well, I did, well,

Madison Gulli 22:22
it, well, it can't. It is, for sure. And it's fun to have them. I mean, you know, it's always fun to have orgasms, for sure. But when we expected it's like, we sort of go through the motions just to get there, and then we forget about really enjoying each other's body and taking time and spending time with each other. And you know, it being about pleasure and joy rather than I know, if I do this one thing, then they'll get to that there, and I can go to

Zandra Polard 22:54
bed. Party's over. Okay, well, thank you for that. Yes. So we've talked about women. We've talked about men. What about women in their social environments with other women?

Madison Gulli 23:09
Yeah, great point. I think that as women are going through this, they should stay connected to their friends group, and we should definitely be hanging out, whether our friends are going through this or not, because we might have different ages in our friends group. But what happens is, when we go through changes that are this dramatic, we women specifically, have a tendency to isolate, and we might know, I'll check out, yeah, exactly. Check out numb, just we don't feel ourselves right. You might feel bloated or a little bit of weight gain. Again, it's not because you're doing something wrong. It's because your body is going through a really dramatic change. And also, too, when we have a couple glasses of wine or a drink or two, you know, prior to going through this decrease in sex hormones, the alcohol may not have affected us, but research has shown that even one or two glasses of wine will dramatically affect your mental clarity, how well you sleep. All of that even more so a couple times stronger than maybe it would if you weren't going through these changes. So women staying connected to their friend groups and not having to show up and be perfect, like our perfect selves, right? We need to, like, let our guard down and be around our girlfriends and and we need to kind of make fun of the things we're going through so that it makes it not so heavy.

Zandra Polard 24:35
Hey, you were a great guest. I thank you so much for coming back onto the show. The agency is mindful, healing, counseling. This is Andre Pollard. It's where I am. Is on every Saturday at 7:30am I'll be here next week. For now, let's listen to the art of Nourse. Days moments in love.