It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:52
Good morning, Las Vegas. This is Andre palsgaard with its where I am a show about mental health and wellness. And today my guest is Stuart Kosh Stuart is an associated clinical social worker. Which means still, even though you told me to say Stuart, you are on your way to those licensure hours, right?

Unknown Speaker 1:21
Yes, correct. Eventually, I'll be a totally independent clinician and be able to do private one on one therapy without being supervised.

Unknown Speaker 1:32
Right. And so right now, you're working in the substance use disorder population with like, we have, right.

Unknown Speaker 1:44
Yeah, working in rehab. I have six clients on my caseload that it's delineated by the individual living in the house. So there's several houses that are that make up this rehab. And yeah, I'm a substance use disorder therapist.

Unknown Speaker 2:05
Now, do you see that you work with like, a lot of veterans or is it like a Veterans Program? Or no?

Unknown Speaker 2:14
Oh, it is kind of what we have veterans in the program. Because they, we have a contract with VA. Okay. So so yes, we specifically, you know, target and work with the veteran population. Okay. So yeah, that's a large number of our, our clients are veterans.

Unknown Speaker 2:37
Okay. So you are a veteran yourself. I know that much. Because, like my guest last week, Denise hooks, I also went to college with Stuart. It's so funny. I went to school with a lot of people I know, that I put on the show, but yeah, welcome, welcome. We've, we've been friends for a long time. And I remember when I first met you, you were kind of not the class clown. But you were pretty intense in class. Let's say that.

Unknown Speaker 3:12
Yeah. I, I've always been very, I don't know what the term would be gregarious. And I've always given a lot of feedback even when it's not wanted. But I remember at that time, I was really struggling myself, even with mental illness. And yeah, it was very challenging. Very challenging time for me. You

Unknown Speaker 3:39
know, I remember you were telling me something about you having issues with your weight at that time. Do you remember that? I gave you a ride. And you didn't really want me to know where you lived? Somewhere, when you were telling me about these issues you had with weight loss, which was very surprising to me, because you're very thin. And you know, you're a boxer, you were in the military. So I was really surprised. Do you still Yeah, it's

Unknown Speaker 4:12
something I struggled with. Come I had come back from Iraq. And it's very interesting. The data shows that male veterans would struggle with alcoholism, and substance use disorder when dealing with the PTSD after being deployed. And women tend to gravitate more towards prescription drug abuse and eating disorders, which is why I found you know, I had an incredibly hard time getting help at the VA because there were no eating disorder programs. So I had actually struggled with an eating disorder as a child bulimia, and that resurfaced when, when when coming back from Iraq. So

Unknown Speaker 4:58
do you find that because when I met you You, you weren't going to school for psychology Do you? Do like what made you decide to get into the field you're in now? Is it because you deal or struggle with some of these? You know, some of these disorders yourself? Are they? Is it good or bad?

Unknown Speaker 5:18
It's really, yeah, really interesting actually is there there's a large population of individuals struggling with substance use disorder that get into substance use disorder treatment. Because I guess they feel they have an empathy for that population. And they, you kind of, you know, I think the thing is, you write what you know. Okay. And, right. So like, yeah, you kind of, you know,

Unknown Speaker 5:48
to be drunk, so I'm gonna help you get through your drunkenness. Is that what you're saying? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 5:55
yeah, you know, you tend to have, especially if you're, you're fine if you found remission from substance use disorder, or an eating disorder. Yeah, kind of the the, one of the best suggestions that is given to individuals who've recovered our founder mission is to help into other individuals who are seeking, you know, recovery, seeking some kind of therapy remission from so

Unknown Speaker 6:23
even though you don't do peer support is kind of like your you've gone further than that with your education. But it's a peer support kind of thing. Right? I understand. And so I can help you get through something that I'm familiar with as well.

Unknown Speaker 6:37
Right. Right. So it's yeah, it turns into like, you know, like, again, having a lot of a lot of empathy for for that struggle. And, and then you know, the knowledge comes from your own ability to overcome the the the disorder, the disordered eating, or the disorder, drinking, and disorder drug use.

Unknown Speaker 6:57
Now, I've told our listeners about our background, as friends and classmates talked about you being in the military and your journey in clinical social work. But the reason why I invited you mostly was because you are so open about the things that you deal with, on social media, which is surprising to me. Like you say things I would never say. And I don't know if that's because you have a background in comedy, because you are a comedian as well. Right? Yes, you're a comedian, you do stand up comedy around the different clubs in Los Angeles. But, you know, there's all these things. But you're so open about your depression, your anxiety, your personal, you know, trials and tribulations like, things I would never ever tell anyone. I just got to the point where I've told people that I have a little bit of anxiety. But that's because I think they could tell. So I really thought you are so brave to talk about, you know, how you're feeling and all the support you get from your friends, right? On social media. And for me that says no matter what field you're in, even in mental health, you're definitely not alone. Because people who work within that field go through some of the same thing, right? No one is, no one can escape, you know, some of these mental health challenges. So I know you were going to vocalize some of the things that you were dealing with one being, excuse me, one being the eating disorder. Is there anything else you want to share?

Unknown Speaker 8:47
Yeah, no, I appreciate you, you know, acknowledging the bravery it takes to kind of share on social media, the struggle. I guess, like one of the reasons I do that is there aren't a whole lot of outlets to share. Or vent rather. So like I think this kind of maybe, you know, kind of suggestion to everybody out there who who's dealing or, or is, you know, dealing with a friend that's struggling with with suicidal ideations or struggling with mental illness. It's very easy to give suggestion, you know, especially like, Hey, this is what works for me. So you'd be surprised how many suggestions I've gotten is that, hey, you need to pray. You need to go to the gym or you need to go Yeah, all right. You need to go to therapy. 111 suggestion. It just said, therapy, bro. Right. And so, so, so yeah, more than more than suggestions would be validation, which you know, I often get by venting on social media is individuals saying like, Hey, I'm going through the same thing, if you ever want to talk, reach out to me, because a lot of the times the dialogue that I'm, you know, engaging in can lead to invalid involuntary holds. And so just just just talking about, you know, feeling suicidal to certain people, depending on who you're talking to, could lead to being placed on a 5150 hold, and now you're in an institution for three days. And, you know, you you might, it might affect your job, it might affect your ability to pay your rent, it might affect a lot of things, you know. And so it's it's incredibly challenging to struggle with mental illness while and delivering services to end, you know, to others, while simultaneously acknowledging that there aren't a whole lot of services, and outside of one on one therapy and medication, you

Unknown Speaker 11:06
know, which is extremely hard to get, because I tried to get therapy, I tried to get some like, relationship therapy. It took two months. Then they told me, they didn't take that insurance is tough, man. Yeah, right. Yeah. So I mean, your friends, is so important to Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 11:26
it's a support network is is incredibly crucial to overcoming mental illness, anxiety, you know, depression. But yeah, those medications or even like so, you know, one of the medications that I was prescribed after insurance was $400. That's happened quite an interesting. Wait a minute, wait a month. I might as well, Lisa, BMW, and I probably feel a lot better about myself.

Unknown Speaker 11:54
Yeah, go drive somewhere, you know? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 11:57
Right. Right. So, so yeah, the the, the, the access to services, the cost of services, the type of services, it's, it's few and far between, for individuals to you know, when they're looking for a good fit, man,

Unknown Speaker 12:13
and most people and yeah, nowadays is cash pay. I mean, these therapists want their money. Okay. So it's already difficult for you to get in. But I'm saying like, you know, outside therapy, I had a friend who she has telehealth. But I have a few friends. But one, they're all booked up. Because grip. You know, there's still all of these barriers, there's more access. But there's still a lot of barriers. Definitely. I didn't mean to cut you off. I just had to add that. No, yeah, it's definitely Madison. Oh, like, he needs me to get you back on track. And Madison was $400 a month. How'd you get off of that?

Unknown Speaker 12:55
I had to switch to a different medication. Right. Yeah. So I switched, I switched to I switched to lithium, which is been used since the Roman times. You know, they've been using lithium before they were using leeches. You know, like, so? Yeah, it's really in I, you know, it's incredibly difficult to use the lithium you have to get blood draws. And there are side effects. And so yeah, I've been just struggling with those

Unknown Speaker 13:29
who have to switch medications, every, you know, so many months or so many years? Because, maybe, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 13:39
yeah, you're constantly trying to find a medication that works for you. Sometimes they work for a while, and then they don't work. You know, I've been diagnosed bipolar. So yeah, it's, it's incredibly difficult to find a medication that works, and then be able to stick with it, you know, and then if you change it, your if you change your provider, they might not think that medication is the best medication and they might want to switch you. So it's, it's always a challenge. Managing your, your, your treatment, because it's it's not necessarily client centered. And there aren't a lot of individuals who, you know, it's a small population, but it's it's definitely a group, maybe a growing population of individuals who are working in the field of substance use disorder that have struggled with it, who can have empathy for the population, but for the most part, you know, it's individuals struggle, individuals struggling with bipolar disorder, like myself, don't get a degree in, in clinical social work. So it's really hard to find someone who, whose understanding what I'm going through, really wants to listen who's really interested in what I have to say. And, yeah, it's again, it goes back to why I post on social media, what I do because it's just it's just not it. It's not a validating experience to work with many, you know, professionals.

Unknown Speaker 15:04
Wow. Yeah. I hear you. So, so true. You know, Stu, I wanted to ask you this, or tell you this, when you're depressed, or like when I'm depressed, I cannot stay. And when someone tells me what I need to do, or try to cheer me up, I just want to be left alone. How do you work through your depression? Like, how do you feel better?

Unknown Speaker 15:34
Yeah, it's it's incredibly challenging. Like I was saying before, people often give suggestions rather than giving validation. So it's important, I know where you can go. So in terms of support,

Unknown Speaker 15:51
me support. Yeah. And you're saying it's through validation, and not telling you or me what to do? Is that right?

Unknown Speaker 15:59
Yeah. And that's it, but at the same, I guess, at the same time, so. So there's someone that told me, you know, Hey, you don't go to CVS for gasoline, because CVS doesn't have gasoline. So if I'm, if I might, you know, if I'm a person that's going to somebody for validation, and they're never giving me validation, they're only giving me suggestions, then I should refrain from seeking validation from that individual. So it's really, it's really a challenge for me to create a social network that is, gives me support gives me validation, and gives me a distraction. So those are kind of the three things that I can get from the social network, I can be validated, which means people are saying, Hey, I know what you're going through, I can be given suggestions, which of course, are just like, hey, this is what worked for me in the past. And then I can get distracted, like, Hey, we're going out. And we're going to have fun. And we're going to do this, as opposed to kind of sitting around and when thinking about things, you know, staying in your head. So that's what I do with the tried to ask the Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 17:09
I try to give you you know, laughter. You know, I'm no comedian. I know for me, you know, I get distracted by humor. So that's, that's what I like, personally, everybody's not funny. No,

Unknown Speaker 17:26
and it helps. Yeah, yeah. It I know where you're coming from a lot of times where I want to see your comments. And so I know, I appreciate that. And then, yeah, there's the Medeco. So it's kind of like, hey, we do what's called a biological psychological social assessment. So bio psychosocial assessment, for most people that are struggling with mental health, mental health issues, mental health problems. And so we want to address the social component, which I was just talking about, you know, you want to address the biology of it. And so like, hey, maybe, you know, you need to stop drinking or stop smoking marijuana, or using other recreational drugs, and then start medication regimen. And then there's the psychological component, which is like, Hey, you might want to seek treatment, group therapy, these kinds of things. So one on one therapy and group therapy are tend to be pretty good. Resources,

Unknown Speaker 18:23
right? So if you can't get that one on one therapy right away, because sometimes it can take a while. Look for those peer supports. Right? Right. Yeah. Yeah. So Stu, tell us what you're doing with your comedy right now. What's going on?

Unknown Speaker 18:42
I'm starting up back again, doing stand up comedy in Northern California. So I kind of have to pay my dues all over again. But I have a show. Yeah, I have a fire of a show coming up this evening at in San Francisco, in San Francisco at the Taupe Bay lounge. So I'll be doing a set there. And I just recently got up at the San Francisco punch line. So I hope to eventually get some work there. And yeah,

Unknown Speaker 19:10
and when you're in Southern California, what are some of the claps you work out there?

Unknown Speaker 19:14
I worked primarily in Southern California through flappers Comedy Club, Burbank,

Unknown Speaker 19:20
right. And the Ice House had been paid there. I've been

Unknown Speaker 19:23
there. I've been at the Ice House. I've been at the Ice House before, but it's not. It's not where I'm at primarily. So yeah, I'm primarily at flappers, Comedy Club, Burbank, and again, like, I've been moving, I've been, you know, the pandemic's set us all back. So I'm really kind of starting this again, very slowly, getting back into the club, and paying my dues.

Unknown Speaker 19:48
But hey, still teach. I noticed that a lot of comedians, there's a really dark side, right. And they're the funniest people. You know, they have the most trauma, and they have a way of working that trauma to make others laugh. Right, which in turns, I think would make them feel better, I'm assuming.

Unknown Speaker 20:15
Is that is that kind of no ID? Yeah, it is. It is a common, it's very common that individuals who are struggling with an existential crisis, you know, tend to go seek, you know, the validation you can get from the stage, you know, they it's a it's a lot of a lot of times, that's what's happening. And so yeah, there there tend to be individuals struggling with mental health problems that gravitate towards the therapeutic process, which is standard common. And so yeah, there are a lot of us struggling with mental health issues that that gravitate towards that arts.

Unknown Speaker 20:58
I agree. I agree. So I gotta check your outs to make sure you keep me informed on all your shows. And if anyone wants to reach out to you do you have a you know? Hashtag social media. Something?

Unknown Speaker 21:18
You can you can check out yeah, you can check out most of my comedy online on my instagram at Stu Kosh.

Unknown Speaker 21:26
All right. All right, my friends to cash. Thank you. Is there anything else you'd like to add before I let you go?

Unknown Speaker 21:37
No, thank you very much for having me on the show. Hey,

Unknown Speaker 21:39
thank you for being here. Thank you for helping you opening up. Thank you for being my friend. And as you know, as I always say, I love you. And we'll speak soon.

Unknown Speaker 21:50
Love you too. Hi, man. Okay, thank

Unknown Speaker 21:52
you. All right, thank you. Alrighty, then 91 point by jazz and more. So check out some comedy shows. Let's laugh a little bit. Let's feel better. Right. So you can check out my show here every Saturday at 7:30am I'm Sandra Bullock. It's where I am. And never ever forget. You can catch me on all major podcast platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google and Amazon. See you next week. Bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai