It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Zandra Polard 0:53
Good morning Las Vegas, it's Zondra Barnard. It's where I am. Today, we're talking about anxiety, and depression. So glad you joined us today. Welcome to 91.5 Jazz and more. Want to give a shout out to our sponsor, Who is Don Evans of our D Evans enterprises. He is a supporter of the show. He is a general, contractor designer and builder. His website is www dot pardy. Evans enterprises.com. His phone number is 602-815-9991. Now Don Evans has done construction here. In the Las Vegas area. It's some of our very popular casinos such as MGM. And he's also done some residential work. But mostly He's known for his commercial work in the Las Vegas and Arizona area. So we want to thank you for being a supporter of it's where I am. Now, this anxiety and depression. I mean, I can tell you right now I'm anxious. I've been running around running around all morning in my head, before anything even opens today, it's 730 in the morning, and I have all these things that have been running in my head since last night, which means I did not get a good eight hours of sleep. Now aside from me, we're mostly focusing on our adolescents and our youth and the importance of taking care of, you know, supporting them and taking care of anxiety and depression issues. How to, you know, know if they are going through some of these things if they're not, you know, verbalizing them, how can you recognize them, and how to get them and assessment and treatment. So we have Dr. Gwendolyn green is back once again, and she'll be our mental health professional to guide us through some things that we can do. Okay, to help our youth, adolescents, and maybe myself. So, welcome to the show. Dr. Green.

Unknown Speaker 3:33
Good morning. Zondra. So we are

Zandra Polard 3:37
talking about anxiety and depression and youth as they go hand in hand, right?

Unknown Speaker 3:44
Most commonly they do. But not always, you might have a youth that is just struggling with anxiety. Okay. But you most often what I see our youth that are struggling with both anxiety and depression, sometimes that anxiety will trigger depression, okay? When they're having a really hard time dealing with anxiety, anxiety or finding coping skills to work through those anxieties.

Zandra Polard 4:09
So how do you recognize that your child is having anxiety? Are they not sleeping so great at night? I mean, give us some of the symptoms? Well,

Unknown Speaker 4:19
it could be a number of different things. I mean, you if you see a marked change in their routine. Sometimes you might see them withdrawing the sleeplessness at night may be a sign that they're struggling with something you know, sometimes when you're dealing with a lot of anxiety, you might suffer from racing thoughts when you go to bed at night. Oh, that's me. Yes. You know, that's a lot of us, right? So you lay down and you just have this laundry list of things. It just keeps running through your mind and you can't put it to sleep. And so, you know, it takes more than more for you to fall asleep, right. And so, our kids our kids deal with A lot of the same symptoms and things that we deal with and that we struggle with, right. And so as adults, it might be, you know, the ability to pay our mortgage or you know, a change in our shift at work or something to that effect that triggers our anxiety. But for our kids, it might be something just, you know, something that we might be overlooking. Right? So it may be a change in their friendship circle. Oh, yes, yeah, it might be a change in the household. Right. So we see this very often when we have adolescents that come into blended households, right. So mom has, has a few kids from a previous relationship, Dad has a few kids or partner has a few kids, and you know, you're blending those families together. So there can be a lot of different triggers to those and zeolitic symptoms, as well that up and zeolitic and zeolitic. I love that that's that's a $20 word for today. But, so, but that just means the symptoms that are related and tied back to that anxiety. And so as parents or as caregivers, it just, it becomes really important for us to pay attention, right. So we can go through our days with our kids, or whoever we're looking out for, and we see, but we don't see all the time. So you know, it can just be subtle things, you know, seeing your child be tearful over something that you used to joke about together before, changes in appetite, you know, and it might not be a marked change, write might not be a big change, where you see, oh, you know what, at first they were, you know, eating kind of normal, and now it seems like they're eating everything, or now it seems like they're not eating anything, it, it might just be small changes. And so it becomes important to be vigilant, you know, watch your child, but more importantly, talk to your child, right. And I think that's a piece that we miss out on so much these days, just because of the nature of everything being so virtual, and being so electronic. And you know, you send your child a text during the day, hey, how you doing, and they send you back an emoji, you know, and it's up to you to figure out what that emoji means and what all is entailed in that emoji. So you know, just having those verbal conversations and making those, those interpersonal connections with your child and reconnecting with your child can give you you know, good insight into what's going on with them psyche out psychologically.

Zandra Polard 7:25
Okay, so you're saying you're noticing a change? And then you have to start the conversation? What does that conversation start? Like? What do you say? How's your day? What's going on? How are you feeling? What did you do today? And then what else? Yeah, so

Unknown Speaker 7:41
you know, you want to keep your questions open ended, right? So you don't want to ask a lot of questions that are going to be yes or no answers. Right? You want to ask questions that are going to foster a discussion. Right? And so yeah, you gave some really good examples. Like with mine, I usually say How was your day? Right? Yeah, I may get a closed ended answer, right, like, Fine, you're good. You know, so then you keep trying, right? Was it good? Or wasn't great? Oh, it was good. Okay, so what do you do in this class? What did you do? Did you see your friend did you. And normally, when you keep talking, and just kind of engaging in that casual conversation, you know, you can start to get to what's going on with your child, or at least kind of get to know more about what's going on with your child? Now, of course, this all depends on that, you know, parent child relationship that you have, because if you already have a strained relationship with your child, and yeah, that you could talk all day, and it might not work, right. And so in those cases, where you feel like, you know, I have a strained relationship with my child, maybe you're the step parent or you know, maybe you're taking temporary guardianship of the child, then, you know, you may want to start looking at getting a third party involved, right. So that could just be that could be a therapist, that could be someone else that the child considers a support. Just somebody that is going to be able to have a rapport with the child and get the child to open up and really talk about what's going on. Okay.

Zandra Polard 9:11
Now you hit something that stood out for me when you mentioned blended families. There are a lot of blended families nowadays. I mean, they're more common than, you know, biological nucleus, right. So nucleus families. So tell us about when you're when you're dealing with a blended family. I guess you kind of answered that, you know, finding someone who's a support, right. So if you're in a blended family, for example, and mom has kids, Dad has kids, and let's say the dad's daughter isn't really vibing with the new girlfriend, right? And she's not opening up with the new girlfriend. that girlfriend to kind of build a relationship with her would need, like, what? A girlfriend around grandma around, and then try and build that relationship helped me out like,

Unknown Speaker 10:16
so it's, it can be tricky. Yes. So I'm

Zandra Polard 10:21
trying not to say names. That's why it's so difficult for me to explain it? Well,

Unknown Speaker 10:25
no, you know, when you're blending families, right? You want to make sure that you're blending them. I don't know how else to say it. Okay, so you're bringing kids in from previous relationships, and they're meeting your new partner, right? Take into consideration the timing, right? You know, is this Are they meeting this new partner right after a recent breakup of their biological parents? Right? Because that's going to bring in anxiety, and that's going to bring in a lot of different feelings for your child. You know, what are the mechanics behind it? Right? So are you going to now vacate your premises that you've lived at with your child and cohabitate with your new partner and their children? What does that look like? Right? Have you done anything to introduce the children to one another? Okay. Have you done anything to introduce the children to? So

Zandra Polard 11:25
now? What if they're not getting along? What if the kids are not getting along with the new boyfriend or girlfriend? Normally what I've seen, and it's been a long time, and they're still not getting along

Unknown Speaker 11:39
it and what I've seen, what's been my experience, when I have families come in, and they're experiencing these types of situations is that the communication is lacking. Right, right. So there's a lot of things to take into consideration when you're blending these families. Right? So what does the what does the structure look like? Right? What does discipline look like? Oh, Lord Jesus, right? Yes. Who's gonna discipline? Is it okay for me to discipline your child? Is it okay for you to discipline my children? What does discipline look like? Right? What do expectations look like? Right? So you know, we all have structures, we all have boundaries in our homes. Do they apply to all of the children? Or do we just apply to some of the kids over here? And not these kids over here? Oh, I love it.

Zandra Polard 12:27
Absolutely. Structure, discipline? And what was the other one?

Unknown Speaker 12:34
Structure discipline and boundaries and boundaries? Right? So what kind of language are you going to allow in your house? Right? You can express your feelings, but how do you need to express them? Respectful, right, right. You can't go cursing out on kids, right? You can praise them. Right? Right. Or the kids, right? You can't talk to bio mom, all nice and pleasant. But then when you're talking to the new Dad, you're cussing him out, and he's every name under the sun, and you're not my daddy, and all of that, right? So it's really about I feel defining the structure. You know, if you're not coming into the relationship, your kids don't know what to expect, right? And especially if they've been part of relationships that the parent has had that are failed relationships, where, you know, a revolving door, kinda, you know, oh, well, you here this week, but next week, it'll be somebody else, right? So why do I need to respect you? Exactly, exactly. So you know, that communication becomes key. And you shouldn't wait until you and your partner has decided that you're going to cohabitate, and you're going to move everybody into one, one space together to start having those conversations. Conversations really need to start sooner than that. That's right.

Zandra Polard 13:45
Oh, I totally agree. So we've talked about the kiddos. So we're going to talk about anxiety and depression with the kiddos, the adolescents, and then we're going to wrap it up with me. Okay. Okay, so now we're on to the adolescents. So now the adolescent is in high school, okay. And now we're having behavioral issues that are out of control. And we don't even know if this person is going to graduate. Because we're so focused on the behavior. There has been no therapy. There's been no therapy, okay, for the parents, when the adolescent was a child, and now they're on their way to adulthood. Okay, what do we do? is like, I can't take it. I don't know what to do. I've not been raised to see a therapist. I've not been raised to get any help. And now, I can't help my child. And I just want them to grow up, turn 18 and get out my house.

Unknown Speaker 14:49
See a lot of that. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, so in that situation, especially when we start to see disruptive behaviors in school. All, normally, you know, most of the schools in school district now have some type of social worker available at the school that can start doing some of those early interventions and just kind of see that, hey, you know, Jenny went from being a B student, and ninth grade. And now in 11th grade, you know, she's she's making season DS, what's changed? Right, right, or

Zandra Polard 15:25
John has been a handful, for three, four years. And, yeah, yeah, nothing's changing.

Unknown Speaker 15:32
I mean, in those cases, you know, we're, I mean, normally, when it's been three or four years, and the child's had, like disruptive behaviors, especially in school, at some point in time, the school is going to reach out to the parent and say, hey, you know, we're seeing these behaviors. And they'll work with the family to start getting resources secured, right. So that's the point in time where you, you want to get your child assessed by someone to determine kind of what's going on is not going away. Right, right. Is it strictly anxiety? Is it depression? Is it undiagnosed ADHD? Right, you know, is it disruptive mood disorder, I mean, you really want to, to pinpoint and kind of know what's going on with your child as early as possible, because those early interventions are going to be what really sets your child up for success, as they start to transition into adulthood, that's because the behaviors don't go away. Right, they don't go away. And they can be very intense, very, yeah, and very debilitating for your adolescent, right, when they can't figure out how to regulate their mood, or they're constantly feeling really depressed, or you're seeing that they're withdrawing and, and isolating from the things that they really used to love to do. Like, maybe they really love marching band, or they love some sport in school. And now you see, they're, they're kind of transitioning away from it, you know, it's important to try and get them those supports, and get them someone that they can talk to, and I really start to process things. Now, if we tie that back to the blended family, you know, sometimes the child will be experiencing, or the adolescent will be experiencing anxiety and depression tied to that blending of the family, right. And they're kind of stuck in the middle because they can't, they may feel like they can't go to the biological parent and talk about what they're feeling because hey, you know, Dad finally found somebody that he really loves, and I want him to be happy, right? And then they don't feel like they can go to the new partner, because the partner is going to feel like oh, you don't like me, you don't love me, you don't want to be a part of the family and all these other things. So you want to make sure that they have just a safe space where they can discuss their feelings where they can process their feelings, and where they can start to learn and develop healthy coping skills to deal with some of the stressors that they're they're experiencing, you know, the adolescence when when when our kids start to transition into adolescence, and, you know, they're getting towards the 16 1715 1617, you know, we really start to see that period of individuation and the seeking of autonomy, right? They want my own person, right? Exactly. Know that a lot. Yes, they pour it on to so you know, they, they want to be their own person. And now here you go blended families. Well, where do they fit in? Right? And sometimes it's just really feeling like, you don't fit in, like you don't have a space, like you don't know what purpose it is, you're you're serving. And so again, that goes back to communication. And, you know, making all of the children feel like they are a part of that decision, and that they're a part of the family. Right? And, you know, if you can't figure it out with your partner, then get with a family therapist, get with someone that can help facilitate that and help

Zandra Polard 19:01
someone would be someone like Dr. Green. Dr. Green has our own behavioral health agency. Can you give us the name and phone number?

Unknown Speaker 19:12
Yeah, of course. So it's Renaissance behavioral health, LLC. The phone number is 702-930-5958. You can also reach me from my website or at Renaissance behavioral health dot O R G. We specialize in helping families and trying to help especially blended families, you know, we see a lot of those and just helping individuals as well, especially our children and adolescent population, right. We're struggling a lot out there right now guys, and sometimes they're struggling right before our eyes and we don't even notice it. So don't be afraid to get your child assessed. Don't be afraid to you know, allow your child to have access to a professional or like I said before, just somebody they consider us support someone that they feel safe talking to so that they do have those safe spaces to process.

Zandra Polard 20:04
I love having Dr. Green on the show. She's been on here quite a few times. And also, she has been a part of our women empowerment conferences. So I if you're a fan of it's where I am, you know who Dr. Green is. And if you're new to the show, this is Dr. Green of Renaissance behavioral health. And I also I also want to give a shout out to slug in the magazine who is one of our sponsors for our conferences, and oftentimes for the show. So it's time to get to me, you know, I like to get my little therapy on when I get my mental health professionals in the room and get some of my questions answered. Because, you know, I can't always get into my appointment the way I'd like to sometimes I have emergencies. And I can't contact that girlfriend, I need to vent to. So Dr. Green, yes, I'm going through it. I have anxiety and have depression. And it won't stop. I'm so serious. I know, I am not alone. I know that, you know, I have friends and family who have some of the same issues. And I think a part of it is everything I have to remember in a day. Okay, so I did pull out my journal and I started writing stuff down. But I've noticed that the more I write down, the more I remember that I need to do. Yes, that list gets really low. And then I can't sleep, right. So help me out? Well,

Unknown Speaker 21:49
the first thing to keep in mind is that sleep is important. So you always want to be mindful when you're starting to experience a lot of disruptive sleep. Okay, right. So what I always recommend to my patients is that if you are getting to the end of your day, and you're getting ready to go to bed, and you've got all these racing thoughts of all these things that you need to do, just just like you said, try to do a mental dump, try to get as much of it that you're thinking about into a journal, some post it notes or something next to your bed and try to relax and go to save it there. Yes, you also doesn't work well. You also want to be mindful of your exposure to blue light before you go to bed at night. So if you're one of the ones that really liked to cramming in with TV, and then turn the TV off and go to bed, or you're scrolling on your phone or what have you, you probably about two hours before you decide you're gonna go to sleep. You want to cut it all off.

Zandra Polard 22:46
Okay. Okay. Okay, so that that's the thing for me. Okay, so then, but then I go through a depression, okay, because then I'm thinking about all the things that I need to do that haven't done. And then I just spiraled down, like, I feel like I haven't done enough. And it's like, my day is always full. But somehow, I still feel like I've not done enough. Okay, so my audio engineers pointing like me, too. Me too. And

Unknown Speaker 23:15
so one of the things you can do in that space Ondra is just trying to prioritize, right you have your list, you know what you need to do, or you know what you want to accomplish, and try to give it some priority. Even if you're only accomplishing two things off of your list of 100. And that day that you've identified that you want to accomplish, then that's progress, right? That's positive progress. Always focus on the things that you can control. Right? Because when you start to focus on the things that you can't control, that's when you're gonna start to spiral.

Zandra Polard 23:44
Okay, okay, you're right. You're absolutely right. Yes. So I will celebrate my successes and the things that I was able to do. Yes. And those things that I am not able to do. Tomorrow is another day. Yes, correct. All right. So there's my advice. We move from the kiddos, to the adolescents to myself. And now I have more to add to my toolbox. I thank you for being here, Dr. Green, it's always a pleasure. I'm Zondra polearm. I'm here every Saturday at 7:30am. And, you know, you can find me on Apple, Spotify, Google podcast platforms. I'm sure there's a few more. Just type in Zod, it's where I am with Zondra po lard and you will find me other than that I'm here at K u and v 730. Every Saturday. Now, next we have a song for you. By Lady Blackbird. It's called folly. And it's written by Robert B. Valencia and Lady Blackbird Blackbird produced by RBV music thanks for tuning in and we will be back next week bye

Unknown Speaker 25:54
lesson one easily turn off hearing me just drowning out the sounds can lead me to stand with lambda is like I'm never done me

Unknown Speaker 26:07
and but

Unknown Speaker 26:10
just let you walk away from it's like kissing me rollin

Unknown Speaker 26:15
says hey you

Unknown Speaker 26:27
show me from the

Unknown Speaker 26:29
win now I have to start again and quickly just replay by

Unknown Speaker 26:40
me

Unknown Speaker 27:16
finally I see the true view in spite of and maybe it isn't me in disguise you can have that you have that break show stupid and don't run it to me

Unknown Speaker 27:42
and I'm gonna pay

Unknown Speaker 27:49
but now maybe man again how she measured

Unknown Speaker 27:57
me and

Unknown Speaker 28:41
just outside

Unknown Speaker 28:45
Right

Transcribed by https://otter.ai