It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Kevin Krall 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:37
Morning Las Vegas Zondra Pola hard with it's where I am. Today. My guests are Chris Spencer, Lex King, and Dr. Lawrence Jackson. So our topic today is about marriage and love relationships. How's your marriage going? I know I had some ups and downs recently from pandemic. Till now. We're not post pandemic. But definitely the pandemic brought us closer together. And that worked out for some and not so much for others. So anyway, I wanted Chris to come in and talk to us about his marriage and how things are going. He has a show on Kevin Hart's radio on Sirius XM. And he and his wife, and they interview couples every week. So let's bring in Chris and he can tell us more about it. Hello, Chris. Thank you for being here. I brought you on because you weren't guests last year around. It was Valentine's Day. And we were talking about marriage and love relationships. And so that was pre pandemic. Crazy, right? Then we hit the pandemic. How did that work for you? And Vanessa, did it bring you guys closer? Or was there a lot of, you know, arguing and irritation going on? What was it like for you? And her we were already

Unknown Speaker 2:17
perfect. Adjacent. And it worked out great. Because in us being together, we we created the show date night with Chris and Vanessa, which brought us even closer, it allowed us to know that. You know, I was I was apprehensive about working with my wife. I wanted to keep Church and State separate as we were home alone together and talking together and conversing. And she came up with the idea and I was like, but I was like wait a second, this doesn't hurt. And so I think we actually got closer. And it's not to say we don't still bicker and argue about the most ridiculous stuff, but I think we we heal faster from it. That's like, appealing if you Amish wasn't gonna drink yet, please.

Unknown Speaker 3:00
Because no one's going anywhere. And so you have to sit there and work out your problems. Right? Yeah. So now I want you to tell us about your show on I was saying it was Kevin Hart's Sirius FM. Is that right? Correct. Yeah. So if that's every Friday,

Unknown Speaker 3:19
Saturday and Sunday, Oh, wow.

Unknown Speaker 3:21
Okay, so you're two days out preparing

Unknown Speaker 3:23
it's Friday. So 4pm Pacific. And then on Saturday, it would be 12pm Pacific and Wednesday, I mean Sunday at 3pm Pacific. And his date night with Chris Vanessa and we have ghost guests ranging from Denyce to Tiffany Haddish. To tonight we have today we're doing Margaret Cho. Those are single people. But we've had couples like Boris and Nicole and Shawn nice and flex and Holly and Rodney and a slew of other great piece pieces of talent, great couples that are very talented. And we've learned so so much. We're going to experts as well, in the world of education, psychiatry, psychology. You know, some people who work in government. It's been great.

Unknown Speaker 4:20
That's awesome. So I saw the award show the NAACP awards, and Anthony Anderson was hosting. And that's when I first saw I only knew I only know Denyce from his rap song. So he won this great award. But what was it for like what is it though?

Unknown Speaker 4:40
Tell me you've been in jail for a while. I

Unknown Speaker 4:41
know he has the truck commercial.

Unknown Speaker 4:45
Oh my god. You move and he just lost. I know. Cleaning the world. This entire year on Instagram live with a with a thing he created called Club quarantine. Oh, okay. About this Instagram, and he's had hundreds of 1000s of people listen to him every night that he's on. Okay, all of that 100,001 There was one inaugural night it was one night there was over 100,000 people, but 1000s and 1000s of people every time he comes on, and he said the likes of Michelle Obama, to Janet Jackson to Beyonce to me. Okay, so everybody listens to it. So you might want to listen to it. Well,

Unknown Speaker 5:26
you know what, I had a guest on the show a few months back, Cody lane, Oliver. Love, yes, black lives. So she was on the show. And we brought you up because I told her you were on my show. Of course, we were on her show. And I was telling her that a lot of people in Las Vegas know you as the stand up comedian. And of course, you do so much, much more. And so she had shared a story with me about you doing a show. And you asked the audience you said, Wait a minute, wait a minute, where do you guys know me from? And everyone screamed out black. Love

Unknown Speaker 6:05
that crazy? Yes. I've been doing TV for 25 years. And I was opening for Tiffany Haddish. And we were in New York, New York, Chicago within a few days. And they would say my name, they will say my No, they will say my credits and my name. Okay. And I will get a good applause. And then when I came out, it will be a bigger applause. So on the fourth third night, I was like, What do y'all know me from? Black love?

Unknown Speaker 6:33
Yes.

Unknown Speaker 6:34
Oh, my God. That's great. So that was interesting.

Unknown Speaker 6:38
Awesome. You know, I want to bring in some other guests because I don't know if you touch on this subject on your show. But I like to discuss I like to bring in the LGBT plus community on the show, often because I want them to have more representation. It's so important,

Unknown Speaker 6:57
man. In fact, one of our fourth or fifth guests was this couple Jason and Adair. We can talk about when they come on, but okay. Big stylist in the industry. Okay, good friends of

Unknown Speaker 7:08
ours. Okay, awesome. Well, this young lady is a film maker and writer. And she has a show, or excuse me, she has a film a short film called seven. So I'm going to bring in Alexander King. Hey, Lex.

Unknown Speaker 7:26
How's it going?

Unknown Speaker 7:29
All right. So we were just talking about marriage and love relationships pre quarantine till now. And I also I also already mentioned that you have a short film called seven, which debuted a few weeks ago. Yep. And the importance of to me to bring on representation from the LGBT plus community. Appreciate that, of course. And can you please tell us more about your film?

Unknown Speaker 7:59
Yes. So seven is a short film that I created based upon a fear. I am single and always, you know, wonder about being in relationships if I will find the person supposed to be with. And it kind of just grew from that of a fear of like, what if you met the person you're supposed to be with and something tragic happens? How would you deal with that? So that's pretty much the the motivation for for my film, it's very much heart wrenching, and you have sympathy for both characters, a lot of passion. And just how love tests you, you know, okay,

Unknown Speaker 8:34
yes, I got to actually watched the film before it debuted. So I thank you for that. And your logo, you know what I was just so in tuned with it. I didn't know what was going to happen with these. Right. So anyhow, I also want to bring in our therapist, and let's get Dr. Lawrence here. Hey, can you unmute yourself Dr. Lawrence Jackson. Hey, y'all doing? Hey, we're doing fine. So we're talking about love relationships, marriage, love relationships. atheroma, whichever, because we are all not biologically the same, but we're all the damn same. We all get on each other's nerves. It's hard to deal with one another in close quarters. And so for you, what were you dealing with? Did you get a lot of clients since the pandemic I'm sure you have.

Unknown Speaker 9:31
I've been busy. Yeah, I've been busy. I've been busy. We deal with stress, all very differently. And I think when you think about the pandemic, which is a stressor, we were not prepared for something that's completely out of our control, on top of the other stressors that we may have in relationship things as good as aspirated. And so things intensify within a relationship and that's harder to navigate, because you have less resources than you had before. So these cars HDS hit a little bit harder for you. And it's it's hard to adapt to it overall,

Unknown Speaker 10:04
you know, Chris was saying that he was fortunate that things worked out great for him during the pandemic, and I have to say, for me, it did. Also, I'd noticed that my husband and I got a lot closer. And we took more time with each other because we were both busy working, you know, and so we would get home. And then it would be the the arguments, you know, the power controls, like, you know, I'm working, and I'm coming home and washing the dishes and doing the laundry United mean. Yeah. Like the woman always has the second shift. So that's, that was a big issue. But he was home and he was helping out more. Right. Yeah, so that was good. Exactly. But you know, what? I live in Las Vegas. And Las Vegas has like, the largest domestic violence, crimes or issues in the country, one of them, right?

Unknown Speaker 11:04
That's because they just lost all their money on the Strip.

Unknown Speaker 11:06
Exactly. Exactly. The stress of

Unknown Speaker 11:10
drinking and partying. And then you know, they come home. Yeah. I mean, I'm not trying to make an excuse for it. But I can see where, like you said those external stresses could be heightened.

Unknown Speaker 11:21
Exactly. So anyhow, let's our things for you. Who did you quarantine? Who did you blew up with? And how did it go for you?

Unknown Speaker 11:31
Yeah, I mean, I had a pretty, let's just say, I learned a lot, I dove straight into a relationship in the beginning of the pandemic. And I'm not regretful of anything. Granted, I really know now that I'm not supposed to be with this person. But it took that much time. And like, me understanding my worth and figuring out like, Oh, this is not for me. But I'm so thankful to have that time to figure that out. Because I wouldn't want it to figure it out any other way. I just I have more boundaries, I didn't know that I needed a better understanding of how to show up for my partner without me not showing up for myself, because that's been a thing for me. You know, it's it's shown me a lot of putting myself first doesn't make me selfish.

Unknown Speaker 12:17
So you learn more about yourself.

Unknown Speaker 12:21
I learned more about myself and what I actually do not like and what my requirements are, as well, as you know, I was putting relationships before my career. And it shows because when I'm I look back, and when I'm not putting something out, I'm like, Oh, I was dating this person. And I didn't like that about myself. And I it was something that was like a major shift. In that last relationship. When I started to do my own career stuff. First, I felt her being more of like, you know, I need your attention. I need this. And I would always always be the one to cave in. So yeah, I learned a lot. And I'm very, I'm very thankful. You know, it's unfortunate that a lot of people were sick and lost lost their lives. Yes. But if we look at the positive sides of things, I think a lot of people were had opportunity to grow. And if they didn't just move, shame on you.

Unknown Speaker 13:07
Right. So all three of you. Did you do more writing during the pandemic?

Unknown Speaker 13:15
Yeah, I mean, being a writer. What the pandemic did for me is, I couldn't go nowhere. So my ADD was was reprogrammed and made me have to focus and finish these projects.

Unknown Speaker 13:31
Awesome. So what do you guys have coming up?

Unknown Speaker 13:35
Well, right now, the Zoom I was in before this zoom was real husbands of Hollywood is coming back. Awesome series on bt plus, okay. Right now we're in a room and then we're also what we'd like to do is, we bring on the cast one at a time and find out what's been going on. Usually, it's been what was going on last year. Now we have fast what's been going on for the last four years because 16 was last time we were on air. So five years. Figure out what's going on and then how we can exaggerate it and make it funny. And so

Unknown Speaker 14:09
on the real husbands of Hollywood you have Kevin Hart, Nelly, can help me out now. Come on.

Unknown Speaker 14:17
Nick Cannon, Dwayne Martin JVZoo, Boris Kojo, and they're all

Unknown Speaker 14:21
coming back.

Unknown Speaker 14:23
They're all coming back. Awesome. I

Unknown Speaker 14:26
might actually be seeing you on that. I work with call Craig right now.

Unknown Speaker 14:30
Oh, that's my Uncle, brother. Cousin father figure friend. Yeah. Where is he? I know. Lana. That's right.

Unknown Speaker 14:39
Everyone's in Atlanta.

Unknown Speaker 14:41
Atlanta is a move right now.

Unknown Speaker 14:43
I guess. So.

Unknown Speaker 14:44
Um, for me,

Unknown Speaker 14:47
me either. I'm enjoying myself here, right here in Las Vegas being a community resource. You can find resources and you can find Dr. Jackson as well on it's where I am.com and Dr. Jackson if you want to chime in, and let us know what you're doing, and how people can reach you, although you're so busy.

Unknown Speaker 15:10
I'm doing all right in so I, I am currently an assistant professor at UNLV within the couple and family therapy program has been School of Medicine. But outside of that, also, I have a private practice in the Las Vegas community, where I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist working with individuals, couples and families of diverse backgrounds and experiences under the alias the black male therapists. In addition to that, I do a little bit of community sourcing through my social media, at the black male therapist where I have like every Fridays where I try to promote mental health awareness, inspire youth and empower others. And of course, I'm a fashion line too. So I'm busy.

Unknown Speaker 15:52
Um, let me see your shirt. You're wearing one of your shirts,

Unknown Speaker 15:56
my new ones it says, like therapy, kind of the plant the Black Panther with the AR for relevant love in our community.

Unknown Speaker 16:04
I need that.

Unknown Speaker 16:05
I need that too. I

Unknown Speaker 16:07
got you. I got you let me know. So Black therapy. Yeah. So we actually getting this a limited order shirts that coming in tomorrow. I'm really excited to get them. I'm

Unknown Speaker 16:18
a medium.

Unknown Speaker 16:19
I got to I got you let me know, let me know. So with the fashion lines, or moments of health and community resourcing through social media, do different engagements, things like that. And of course, teaching and supervising students is definitely a lot, right. But it's the impact that's important, especially being being a black male, and the visibility for our communities is so important.

Unknown Speaker 16:42
So what do people do if they need help? Like, everyone is so busy? I can't even get an appointment. Yeah, for my dad's. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like, I'm trying to figure it out with Hubby, you know, and pulling on, you know, textbook stuff from years ago? Yeah. But what can you tell people to do when they are so stressed in their relationship? You know?

Unknown Speaker 17:08
Absolutely. Absolutely. When I think about you being stressed in a relationship, I think therapy is one of the most challenging things to do, because you're already in crisis mode. Right? You have less time you have less resources, you and you're in a time crunch almost right. And so you're not wanting to go through pages and pages and find the right therapist, you want somebody to write right now, you know. And so that's why I always say therapy is a resource. You don't have to go to when things are bad. It doesn't have to be for crisis only. I think therapy is that thing that anytime you like you can benefit and get something out of that process. And so be able to utilize it proactively. It's a lot easier. But once you're in crisis mode, you got to figure out what is something available? What is the access to resources around me?

Unknown Speaker 17:49
So what do I do then if I'm in crisis mode? Yeah. So whether we

Unknown Speaker 17:53
utilize people's social media, I think it's really huge for many therapists rarely be therapy for black, black girls with Dr. Joy. The Gottman Institute is really good for relationships, I actually have a blog, that I also am one of the expert writers on as well. To talk about ways to communicate relationships, I have a piece coming out mid April about making, making mutual interest or experience of values within a relationship, the core piece of handling conflict, right. And so what I mean by that is that I think about a business, I think about a business plan, we think about a business plan, you have the mission statement, you have the vision statement, you have objects to reach that, I think can also utilize that plan in relationships. Okay, you can sit down with a partner to think about would it be value whatever our tenants what is what are the things that are important to us are going to keep us first is trust, transparency, communication at the core of our beliefs, right? And utilizing those things as you mutually agree upon them, to help you all navigate through challenges in the relationship. So

Unknown Speaker 18:53
when you were on before you were on with Marshall, Todd Lowe is the executive producer for woke. He is in his second season and writing. So I want to give a shout out to Marshall, Todd. But when we were talking when you're on before, I was saying when you go to therapy, you can't be like, it's his fault. You know, like placing blame? Don't you have to start with therapy for yourself first, and then work on the relationship?

Unknown Speaker 19:25
Absolutely. I'm also a firm believer that awareness means opportunity for change, right? It can't change, things not erode. And so if you're not able to recognize the things that upset you, what are your trigger points, right? Where did that come from the origin of those things, how are you able to cope with them effectively, you're going to struggle to communicate that to your partner because you're not even aware of it yourself. Right. And it's it's challenging when I'm trying to help you to be aware of the relationship aspects but also the individual aspects all at one time. And if you have a identify therapists where you're working through those in those interpersonal or individual situations Just circumstances that could influence relationship, you'd be a lot better off when it comes to couples therapy. And so I definitely think that's a big thing. I'm a firm believer that if you work on yourself in a relationship and your partner does the same thing, religion is going to improve, right? You can't focus on the other person making sure they're doing it first. I'm gonna wait to put my foot in until you put your foot in. And I think you gotta you gotta, you gotta take that ownership and accountability and say, Hey, I'm gonna do this to make myself better because I know it's gonna make me a better partner for you.

Unknown Speaker 20:26
Well, my husband always says, You always think you're right. And I basically I think I know everything. But I feel like once he realizes that, we'll do a lot better. All right, yeah. So Chris, join me. Are you sleep? No, I

Unknown Speaker 20:46
want to hear from legs. You may talk to legs yet.

Unknown Speaker 20:48
I am tucked the legs. I'm getting the legs next. So it's been five minutes.

Unknown Speaker 20:54
Legs on. Oh, you got five minutes. I'm looking at the clock going. I want to hear more from that movie about the bandwidth legs.

Unknown Speaker 21:00
Yes. Yes, Lex? Well, then here you go. There's your cue. Come on in and tell us more about seven. I think you've already gave us the synopsis. But where where can Chris find it? Where can our 91.5 listeners find it?

Unknown Speaker 21:16
Well, you guys can go on to YouTube. It's seven the short if you just type in seven Alexander king, they should pop right up. Also under queries TV, Chris, I'll make sure you get a direct link don't worry about I got you

Unknown Speaker 21:30
watching I want to be an aid

Unknown Speaker 21:34
go ahead and give me a writer. Aid is coming. Yeah, I mean, it's it's been cool. It's like you know, it's difficult creating your own films and but YouTube is, is definitely a Savior. And because there's a open market for my type of film. I think that I'm hitting you know, some pretty, pretty good numbers with, with what I have. I'm I'm excited. I'm looking forward to my career. So

Unknown Speaker 21:57
they have like a whole LGB t plus, I'm looking for I feel like when you go on your cable, you guys have like your own movies now. Yeah, but it's but what are they like, now? Are yours different? What are they like? And how is yours different?

Unknown Speaker 22:14
My films are different because it's less based upon gender and more. So based upon why we do the things we do. Okay, I feel like when they're making these lb LGBTQIA plus films are focusing on like a coming out story or my everyday life doesn't involve me telling the world that I'm gay. That's not how it works. I'm a human, I'm a person. So if you watch my film Seven, it's yes, it's two women in the film, but they're not talking about sexuality. They're talking about their internal feelings, what it was like to be with each other what it was like not to have each other. And that's I think that's different for me, because I'm representing something that should be represented naturally, not based upon genders. It's just more of experiences and the right representation, like I'm more of, I would say, a masculine, female, but that doesn't mean that I want to act like a man or be a man. And that's typically what we see in movies and shows pertaining to people that are more like me. So I'm creating something that's more that I would watch myself.

Unknown Speaker 23:16
All right. Well,

Unknown Speaker 23:18
I'm glad you said that. Okay. Thank you. No, because, you know, there's an assumption that if a young lady is a little bit more masculine, she's a do nothing. And on read table talk, Niecy Nash was all with her wife.

Unknown Speaker 23:35
Yep.

Unknown Speaker 23:36
And to see this masculine girl get giddy about Niecy Nath touching her neck for the first time. I was like, it was beautiful to see. Right? No, she looked like she had been like, Hey, don't be touching my neck unless I asked you to touch my

Unknown Speaker 23:52
inland that's how they that's how they read it right

Unknown Speaker 23:54
you eyes. Great seeing the beauty in these two women were in love. Even though this one got us to Tim's? It was it was beautiful. You're gonna make a she was spilled a lady? Right? I mean, so it was so interesting. You said that.

Unknown Speaker 24:12
Well, tell us where we can find your stuff, Chris, because we're going to wrap this up.

Unknown Speaker 24:17
They might be Chris if and so Sirius XM channel 96. Every Friday at 4pm. Pacific. Saturday 12pm. Pacific, Sunday 3pm. Pacific. And if you want to east coast at three central add to y minus four.

Unknown Speaker 24:32
In Arizona. We will notice what Arizona.

Unknown Speaker 24:36
Arizona has ahead of the time right now. They don't got no time change. That's

Unknown Speaker 24:40
exactly. Exactly. And Dr. Lawrence Jackson, can you please tell everyone where to find you or whatever social media handles you want to put out there?

Unknown Speaker 24:52
shirts? Absolutely. Absolutely. Save your exit and go to the black male therapist.com forward slash shop That's where this is located. If you want to go to just the black no therapists you'll find a website if you're looking for individual couple Family Services or training services, as well as looking on social media at Instagram at the black male therapist, Twitter at Black February fri, fri Friday, and for basically blacking out their facility as well.

Unknown Speaker 25:21
Okay, and Lex? Did I get your reading? Okay,

Unknown Speaker 25:25
no, you can find me um, I am Alexander king.com. Everything I do is going to be on that website on Instagram. It's, um, I am Alexander King,

Unknown Speaker 25:34
and you can find everybody on it's where I am.com And if you missed the show, you can always catch me on YouTube. All the links to the show are on the website. And thank you for listening. 91.5 I will see you next month Saturday 8:30am Thank you. Bye

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