It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:44
Good morning listeners. This is Dr. G and you are listening to it's where I am on 91.5 FM que und I am guest hosting on behalf of Zondra pol lard who continues to enjoy a much needed respite after being on the air for the past four years. However, if you've been missing Zondra, you don't have to wait much longer. She'll be joining the show full time again in the month of June. I'm Dr. David jenis, clinical and PR director from great mind counseling and Wellness Center. And on it's where I am, I have been spotlighting different mental health programs throughout the state of Nevada. It's been my goal to decrease stigma for accessing mental health resources, and encouraging others to extend a hand to ask for help when needed. On this morning show I would like to engage in a discussion regarding parenting. I have found that being a parent myself is one of the most rewarding roles. However, it's also one of the most challenging ones I might add. So if you also feel this way, then this I think is the show for you to turn it tune into. I would like to welcome tiatia to the show. Good morning tiatia.

Unknown Speaker 1:57
Good morning, Dr. G. How are you?

Unknown Speaker 1:59
Well, I'm doing excellent. And I just want to thank you this morning for coming on the show. And, you know, be a willing participant if you will, and putting yourself out there as a parent to talk about different parenting topics that I believe we can all benefit from. Now, tiatia. You have a four year old daughter, and I believe a 15 year old son.

Unknown Speaker 2:28
Absolutely I do. So that's

Unknown Speaker 2:31
quite the age gap in between your two children. Was this for your second pregnancy? Was this a planned pregnancy? Or was this? Oops, I did it again.

Unknown Speaker 2:46
Definitely, oops, I did it again. But I was very blessed. You know, I have my son who yes, he is 16 he is he's almost 16 He's a Christmas baby. And my daughter just turned four on Mother's Day. So definitely blessed. I got my boy My Girl Okay,

Unknown Speaker 3:02
so So you are blessed to have both a son as well as a daughter. You know, there is about 11 or maybe more years and an age difference between the two. You know, how has parenting your two children? What has the ride been like for you?

Unknown Speaker 3:24
The ride has been rough at times. But the most amazing experience. I think the pretty cool part about having kids that are 11 years apart, my son provides so much so much security and and protection and just love around his sister. And believe it or not being that they have this huge gap in between them. They're so close and I love that for them. Well,

Unknown Speaker 3:52
I think though that that really is a credit to yourself and how you have parented your son leading up to the birth of your daughter. So who lives in your household I just want viewers listeners to get an get a picture of you know who's in your home?

Unknown Speaker 4:14
Absolutely is myself and my son and my daughter just us three.

Unknown Speaker 4:17
Okay, so is it is it safe for me to presume then that you are raising your two children as a single parent? Absolutely. Okay. So, you know, there are I'm sure lots of other single parent listeners that are tuning into the show. And I really hope to empower these listeners as well as normalize their experience and hopefully highlight different ideas in regards to how to promote positive social emotional mental growth and and each of our homes. So you know, as a single parent tiatia, what is your experience? Unlike raising your children, you know, the highs, the lows, whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

Unknown Speaker 5:06
Oh, yeah, we can get into it with me. Open Book here, you know, I would honestly say sticking together has been our main focus point, you know, my kids are happy, they're healthy, they're love accepted and supported, I think that is the most thing, we have great communication, you know, I am a very strict mother. So I definitely set limits, and also expect expectations, high expectations of my children, because I know that they are capable of them. But at the same time, you know, we make a lot of great memories, we try new things, but I'm not gonna lie, we have had a lot of stressors in our life, you know, it's been a lot of changes in terms of family, moving, relocation, and even for my son, honestly, the birth of a new child after 11 years, that's a structure for himself, you know, just knowing that we have overcame that, and we have such a big support system. I don't think that we have many difficult hurdles. You know, I do talk to my children, even my four year old, I talk to them, I ask them questions, I see what they're nurtured or meant mental, physical, emotional, everything, all of their knees. And most importantly, I think I just listened to them. I'm looking at body movements, everything, you know, I want to know what my kids are into what they're thinking, what works for them, what doesn't work for them, what they didn't like, and I'm human, I have days that I come home, and I'm like, why is the kitchen like, clean, you know, and sometimes even you know, as a mother, I have to take a couple of steps back and close the door sometimes and put on some relaxing music and kind of have a moment for myself. And I come back to the real world, which is my kids. And you know, everything is better once I've kind of stepped back and had a reality check myself.

Unknown Speaker 6:57
So you know, what would you identify as being the biggest challenge for you thus far as a parent?

Unknown Speaker 7:10
Teaching them teaching them just because you have TV, you have their peers, you have the outside world, and you want them to always listen to the more positive enforcement, you never want them to lead down a negative path. And being that this world has changed so much, since when I was young, you know, he just always wants to teach them, teach them to, you know, make the right decisions, and so forth. And I would say that's probably my biggest challenge.

Unknown Speaker 7:42
I think, what I would say that that would probably be one of the biggest challenges for most parents is helping teach coach mentor their children to make decisions where they are taking their steps on the right path, and making the right positive decisions for themselves. Now, you know, I have learned myself as a parent, that it really truly does take a village to raise a child, even just one child, it really does take multiple individuals that have influence in the child's life, to help shape their thinking about their environment and help teach them skills so that they have the tools to be able to grow and step forward and navigate themselves safely in today's world, who else in your life tiatia has helped and form your parenting, and how you are raising your two children, as well as kinda inform you, as a mother on how to be a mother.

Unknown Speaker 8:55
I would definitely say number one, it would definitely have to be my mom, my mother, who was now resting in heaven. She taught me and she taught me and that helped me to teach them in order to ensure their development and to adult for, especially speaking in terms of my son, but they both have a great support system with their father. You know, their father is not in home. But he is such a leader in their eyes, and I love that for them as well. But at the same time, even we have a lot of friends that have became family over the years. And we love them and they love my children and myself as if we were blood related. And I think that you know, in our goals together is it just really sets great examples for my children. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 9:46
I love that because I have experienced myself that it's really important to surround ourselves with positive people and With with kind of individuals that we can build friendship with and trust with and open up our circle to be inclusive of inviting others into it. And it is those individuals that play such, I think, an influential part in young people's lives because it becomes what they know from how they experience, their weekends, and how they experience holidays, and who who comes over to the House to celebrate with each other, such as, you know, recognizing one another for birthdays or other achievements and accomplishments that the kids experience the family experiences throughout life, and then henceforth, that that becomes your support network?

Unknown Speaker 10:47
Yes, I totally agree with you. I definitely do. You know, I've heard before that parenting is both art and skill and couldn't agree more, you know, strong and positive relationships are so important. Very important.

Unknown Speaker 11:02
So so, you know, I know mom has been positive influence for you, and how you have kind of conceptualized your role as a mother, in addition to Mom, what else do you think has helped you in being a parent and, and parenting your two kids?

Unknown Speaker 11:25
Um, honestly, just staying active and having fun together. You know, a lot of the times as adults, we work so much, and we're so occupied by life itself, that I think sometimes we forget to come home and kind of be a child ourselves, you know, I play video games with my son. I watch cartoons with my daughter, you know, I've definitely stepped down to whatever level that they're into. And that works for us. We take pictures, we, we want to remember everything that we're doing at this very moment. You know, we try to stick to traditions, we're not a family of many traditions, you know, in the past, but we're definitely making them together. That for me works. You know, I feel like my kids are wonderful. They're one of a fine little people. Treat them as such, and that works for us.

Unknown Speaker 12:17
Yeah, no, I love I love hearing, though, that you have focused on creating rituals, within your immediate family with your two children. And I think that's really important, because it's these rituals that the kids will take with them, as they move forward as they get older. And they'll remember these memories that they've experienced with you as, as their mother, you know, I heard you say that, you know, when you come home from work, so whether you're at your place of employment, or you're just out and about running errands in the community, that when you come home, you're mindful to be present, emotionally and physically. And you engage in activities with with your kids. You know, I've heard from, you know, just many other parents that I've supported throughout the years that, you know, sometimes when they come home from work, they need a transition time. And I was wondering, you know, do you have a transition ritual for yourself, that you do when you come home from work so that you can kind of switch gears and mentally move into a place where you're ready to engage with your kids after a long day?

Unknown Speaker 13:32
Not to be honest with you, I wish I could say I did, but I don't. My life is chaotic. And it's so cool to be as chaotic as it is, you know, by the time I'm leaving work, my son's calling my phone. It's already in mommy mode. You know, by the time I pull up in my garage, my children are coming out and they're greeting me my son backs and how was one of my daughters yelling mommy, mommy, mommy, I automatically come in. Sometimes I come in and I go straight to the kitchen and I cook sometimes some cooks for me, and you know, me and my daughter, we color at the kitchen table. So for me, there's no clutch off. It's just automatic. And I think it's I don't think it's a right or wrong answer. I think it's whatever works for whichever family love to say that everything is written down and a little bit more put together. But it's not that it just works

Unknown Speaker 14:23
for us. Well, and, you know, to reiterate what you just said though, tiatia there's no right way or wrong way. It's just whatever works for each parent for each family. And, you know, I have heard though, and I think it's important for me to acknowledge to the other parents that are listening to this morning show is that if you do require some transition time from work, and when you first arrive at home, you know, that's okay. And and as the parent or parents as the caregivers, you know, you have to determine it and kind of shape and build out what that transition time will look like. And then you also need to educate, inform your kids that this is what mommy or daddy requires when they get home, so that they can be the best possible mommy and daddy that they can be for their kids. And so I think, you know, I want to normalize that for those parents that need this, it's okay, you know, you don't have to shame yourself, it doesn't mean that you're lesser or a worse parent than somebody else, it just means that, you know, you require a little transition time, so that you can move yourself into a healthy, happy, emotional and mental health space to engage with your kids. So, you know, I heard you say, sometimes THR, and that sometimes, you know, like, life is full, you know, you just use the word chaos, and I didn't draw too much attention to it. But life can be chaotic at times. And so when life is chaotic, though, I'm curious to learn and to hear from you, what has helped you, and emotionally regulating yourself. And secondary, you're, you're a role model for your two children, because you're showing them how to emotionally regulate and to manage different feelings in an appropriate way. And just by show, by doing this in your home, your kids are seeing this. So they're learning then henceforth, how to emotionally, emotionally regulate in a positive way. So what are some things that you do, you know, I think this is helpful for other parents to hear.

Unknown Speaker 16:48
Honestly, setting boundaries, and you know, it's again, going on, continuing on what you were saying, setting boundaries, and setting limits and expectations, that's a part of having a healthy family. And sometimes those boundaries are needed. So that's what I was saying, it's okay to go to your room or go to a quiet space and close the door, and have your moment, you know, I don't know if it's okay to say wine, but sometimes that helps to, you know, whatever it is, for me, it's calm, music is, is closing my door is going to my club, quote, sorry, my quiet space. And just closing my eyes for a moment, just to get a little bit of me time. And then I come back, and I'm good, you know. So that's what helps me Well, well, and

Unknown Speaker 17:34
it's okay, because I think for some people, depending upon their home, their closet might be their quiet space. So that's okay. But boundaries, though, you said the word boundaries, and I find that oftentimes, parents adults, associate a negative thought, or have negative thinking around boundaries. And boundaries are actually very positive. And we need to have boundaries in all our relationships. And so really, what that is, listeners is, is identifying what one needs in a specific relationship. And then sharing what those boundaries are with those people in your life, and implementing them. So that that can create understanding and what the expectation is around how each of us communicates and interacts with each other. And establishing boundaries, and informing people in your life. What they are, is really like providing individuals that are important to you with a roadmap to be successful and navigating the relationship with you. So I love boundaries, I think they are super healthy. I think boundaries have to exist in all relationships. And, you know, it's something that we do have to practice though. And sometimes I find that when caregivers parents are establishing boundaries with their children or grandchildren, that this is tough, it's tough because, you know, sometimes establishing a boundary. It's it's enforcing, if you will, maybe a rule or a way of being were promoting desired behaviors that we would like to see from our little people that we have in our life. And that can feel really uncomfortable for adults. And I will say that that's okay. It's okay to feel uncomfortable because it's just new. And you're figuring out as an adult and as a young person, how to engage and interact with each other, that feels fulfilling, that is safe. That creates happiness and security in the relationship between All parties. And if you're if you're having difficulties implementing boundaries, and more importantly sustaining boundaries, it just takes practice. So don't throw in the towel, don't get frustrated, don't become overwhelmed, continue to believe in the process, and it will all eventually come together. So, tiatia. So you know, when you you are frustrated. So let's just say, you know, there was a challenging day at work. Let's just say that there, the workload for a specific day was really heavy. Your interactions with customers may have been challenging, and you're just feeling it, it's a day. So you leave work? In a stressed out mood, maybe even I can say in a bad mood. When you go home, though, how are you able to change your mood, where you're not taking it out on your kids?

Unknown Speaker 21:00
Wow, that's a hard one. Sometimes you're not able to, it's been more times the one that I felt that maybe what I said or what I did, it wasn't really intended for my kids. But it came up directly towards them, because they're the ones who is closest to me. In times like that, honestly, I think my kids kind of read me in a way as such to where if they feel like, I'm not especially my son, if I come in, and he knows that I've had a really difficult day, he'll take his sister, and he'll go to his room, he he'll take his sister with him, and they will give me my time. And when he hears my voice, and I come back out of my room, or whatever space I'm in, that he knows, okay, mom's better mom's okay. I have so many moments ago, you know, and it doesn't make me any. It doesn't make me a bad mom and makes me human. You know, I just think my kids read me. And I think they know, they sense it, you know. And for me, they give me my space. And I love that.

Unknown Speaker 22:05
All right. So I know, like your son presents intuitive, where he's able to pick up on your energy, maybe on your mannerisms, he hears the tone on your voice, maybe your facial effect. And so he kind of jumps in and intervenes, but not most 15 year olds have that level of intuitiveness. And, and so, you know, I what I want to really normalize. So for other parents that are listening this morning, is, you know, what you heard, Tasha says that she's had several moments were in reflection, she may have had opportunity to present in a better way, first arriving home from work, and kind of unraveling and speaking or interacting with her kids in a manner that maybe is not how she would prefer to or she normally interacts with her kids. And, and so I want to just really highlight normalize for other parents that are listening. We all do it. We all have those moments. It's okay. Fortunately, our kids give us opportunities where they forgive us, and we move forward. And and so my next question for you to Asha is related to this. Because, you know, for those moments, where you're like, Josh, golly, I wish I would have responded better, and you realized you might have been short or snapped at your kids? How do you make amends with them? How do you move forward?

Unknown Speaker 23:39
It's okay to apologize. Even as a mother or father, or you know, any type of parents that you are in, it's okay to apologize to your kids. Because we're not perfect. A lot of the times too, that's when I rely on family, I relying on family for my emotional support as well. Sometimes it takes a friend or family member to say, Hey, Tasha, you could have handled that better. Or maybe you should have done this. Or maybe you should try this. So I take on my family and my friends advice, and they helped me in my parenting as well. There there were all great when I say were all great examples for my kids. I mean that, you know, they helped me to be a better parent as

Unknown Speaker 24:23
well. You know, I appreciate that. You said though, that it's not above you, as the mother as the parent to apologize. And that is demonstrating to your children that you are taking accountability, for your behaviors for your mood for your actions, and you're apologizing and that you're explaining that your intent was not to hurt anybody's feelings or put anybody down or to dismiss anyone and that you're assuming responsibility for that. So I really appreciate that. And I do know that that is very difficult for some parents and caregivers to do because some individuals come to this role, kind of having the attitude, do what I say not what I do. And ego, I think like I'm the parent on the adult, you're just supposed to listen to me, and that they are not holding in mind and taking into consideration that little people have feelings as well. And that we need to be mindful of how we manage those feelings, and how we nurture those feelings. So that our little people are learning how to emotionally regulate and express these feelings in a positive way that leads to positive outcomes. So, you know, when you are stressed out, though, as just a woman, you know, as a parent, as a mother, as a sister, as an auntie, what do you do for self care? Like, like, how? Or what do you do to rejuvenate your heart, your mind, your soul, your body, so that you can be the best mom that you can be?

Unknown Speaker 26:05
So no, it's not a good habit. But when I need a moment, you know, I go out and I get a pedicure. I don't know what a why a pedicure makes me feel like a brand new woman, you know, I get a pedicure, I go out and I buy a new shirt. I get some hair, you know, whatever that may be. Sometimes I'll go out and I'll just go to Starbucks. And I'll sit in Starbucks by myself, and look out the window. And just read through my thoughts. That helps me so much on my day to day

Unknown Speaker 26:39
well, self care for all of us, I think is so essential to maintaining good social and emotional, mental health. And so for each one of us, we have to identify as you have to show, what are the things that really refills our gas tank, if you will. We're soon approaching the summer the kids have been, there'll be getting out of school this week, and next week. And so I'm just curious, you know, what activities you have planned for your kids during the summer to kind of keep them active, and to keep them from getting into trouble.

Unknown Speaker 27:18
You know, we're still trying to figure that out. I know, we are originally from California. So we definitely want to go closer to family and friends and you know, pay a visit, we've been speaking about Disneyland. So we're super excited about that. We Are Water Babies. So we love the pool, you know, any chance that we definitely can. But we're still kind of highlighting what we want to do, and especially what works for all three of us being that we're all in different age groups. So something that we all can do together that we all can equally enjoy. So putting that together, I

Unknown Speaker 27:56
really did not have the luxury to remain at home during the summers, when my boys were off from school, I always had to go to work. So some of the resources that I utilized for childcare, as well as I keep my kids active, were from are offered by the YMCA, as well as the Boys and Girls Club. So I definitely recommend to our listeners that if you are overseeing children that fill school age during the summer that those are two viable resources to check into because they have great summer programs. And if you have multiple children, they will absolutely look into giving you as as the caregiver some type of family discount that makes accessing the services a little bit more affordable for the family. And, and so, you know, part of my role is to hopefully highlight different resources that are available in the community to support individuals and families and to really hopefully, decrease the stigma associated with families accessing mental health services. Tasha, I want to thank you so much for making time on being on it's where I am. You've been great. And listeners. My name is Dr. David JENICE. And I'm clinical and public relations director at great mind counseling and Wellness Center. And it's been a privilege and fun for me to highlight different mental health programs during this time that I've been with you and please listen to the show every Saturday morning at 7:30am on 91.5 FM que und until next time, I'm Dr. Janice

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