It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:51
Good morning, Las Vegas. This is Dr. G on it's where I am. It's 91.5k, u and v. And I'm really excited today to bring this show to you. I have a special guest today that I've had the privilege of knowing for a long, long time. And I'm really excited to learn more and to catch up on what my guest has been doing professionally and how she's impacting the lives of others. Today, we have special guest, Dr. Nicole Andrea, who is a psychologist, marriage and family therapist and executive coach. And most importantly to me, I get to call her my dear friend. Without further ado, let's say good morning to Dr. Nicole andretta.

Unknown Speaker 1:43
Oh, David, thank you or Dr. G. Thank you so much for that introduction. It's super exciting to be here. I appreciate it.

Unknown Speaker 1:52
So Nicole, it's been really fun, enjoyable, rewarding for me to see your work through different social media platforms, and just to have that opportunity to remain in touch and to see how you're using your skill sets, and your expertise and your kindness and how you're helping others really all over the world. So one of the fundamental observations that I made in regards to your clinical work is how you talk about positive psychology. And you know, I've really been sitting and just kind of thinking about this idea of positive psychology. And for our listeners, you know, I really just want to start off and kind of set the tone of this conversation by allowing you the opportunity to kind of define what is positive psychology? And how are you using that to really shape, enhance and improve the lives of so many others?

Unknown Speaker 2:57
Oh, great. Okay. Well, I love to start out with the definition because a lot of times when people hear the term positive psychology, they're instantly put off because they seem it seems like Pollyanna or like all rainbows and sunshine in a in a denial of people's pain or reality or the things that you know, people are struggling with. And it is not that by any measure. So what it is positive psychology was born around 30 years ago when Martin Seligman who was the newly appointed President of the American Psychological Association, and he, he has actually gained a lot of notoriety in the fields for his research in learned helplessness, which as a clinician people are pretty familiar with, you know, that was a something that really benefitted the field in that it showed how people over time could lose hope, when they didn't see that there was a way out that they had learned that there wasn't a solution, when they're, in fact may be, but they were blind to it because of past trauma or their history. So he was really embedded in traditional psychological research. But when he was elected to this into this position, he brought to the field that the entire body of research, psychological research had been rooted in studying what is wrong with people like considering pathology, characterizing pathology, finding ways to treat mental illness and talk about mental illness? But we had never put the same scientific rigor into studying what is right with people. And why is there some people who flourish and thrive like despite my Ice challenges are in the midst of life challenges, and what can we learn from them? What can we glean from them to share with the majority of us who are just trying to move, you know, north of neutral. And the key was that they wanted that to be again studied with the same scientific rigor that we had pathology to really understand what contributes to true life satisfaction, human flourishing, thriving, and to be able to share that information again with all of us. And so, in order to do that, there was no fight, there was no framework in order to do that research. And so what they did initially, was the gun tremendous grant. And they partnered with 55, like well known thought leaders across the world, which is really important, you know, across religions, cultures, nation's belief systems, and they, they combed through, like 2500 years worth of text, to study, what has been written about what makes life worth living. And they came up with these six overarching virtues, wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence, which are these things again, that have universally been decided on are good. So anywhere you go in the world, they're like, Yeah, that's a good thing. That's something aspirational. And then they also found 24, different character strengths that kind of fall underneath those larger categories, that are each of our individual ways of showing up and demonstrating our value for so like it, the wisdom is the overarching value, and I have a love of learning. Every day in my life, like when I learned something, I'm like, staying true to that value, like of wisdom, like, that's really gives me a lot of meaning and purpose. For example, Rose learning actually isn't one of mine. But I do learn nonetheless. So, so I'm almost done. I know this was a long thing. But ultimately, you know, what they found is by identifying these character strengths, and these values, and then doing some research, like well, now there's been millions of people have taken the survey and many research on the impact of these different character strengths on longevity and life satisfaction and stress reduction, and, you know, mood, all the things that that essentially your top five character strengths, on this survey, this assessment they came up with, are the things that are most essential to you, effortless, like your unique gifts that you've come into this world with, and when you have an opportunity to use them. Like, at the end of the day, when you put your head down on the pillow, if you've used for example, four out of five of these strengths, you're more likely to report a higher levels of life satisfaction like that, that we need opportunities to use our gifts and our strength, and new and novel ways and in our daily lives, so that we can experience this level of life satisfaction, what is aspirational,

Unknown Speaker 8:17
I love it, I love it. And Nicole, you and I have worked in the field for a good amount of years now. And we both have had really the privilege of journeying alongside individuals and families and helping them make sense out of whatever it is that kind of triggered or motivated them to initiate the therapeutic process. And, you know, as I reflect, on my own experience, working as a provider in the field, you know, 24 years is a long time. And, you know, I've been able to step into, you know, a clinical director role over every level of care within the field of mental health, you know, 24 years is, is a huge investment. And what I've come to, you know, at this point in, in my practice as a provider, is that, as a human being, I really believe all of us commonly are on a similar journey, where at the end of the day, we're really hoping to feel some level of fulfillment, some level of joy and ultimately, to be happy. And so I really, you know, when when I watched some of your videos, talking about positive psychology, you know, it moves and triggers some thinking and my brain in that. I feel like this is very much something that we're all working towards and experiencing. And I appreciate the fact that you know, at the beginning of you explaining to our listeners, you know, really what the definition is a positive psychology you said, you know, sometimes there's this misconstrued perception that it's Pollyanna. And it's and it's just really, you know, smelling the roses and being outside in the sun. And, you know, just just kind of not acknowledging or being within or feeling, sometimes the heaviness I think that we all endure by navigating this thing that we call life. And so, you know, what I'm what I'm hearing is, is that you're helping individuals, families, teams, to identify within themselves personal strengths, or positive character attributes that then contributes them moving forward in a positive way, am I kind of understanding?

Unknown Speaker 11:05
I mean, yes, in that. So let's talk about, like, let me give an example. Like when we think about, I was, I was speaking to a lot of clients about New Year's resolutions, because historically, you know, people's New Year's resolutions are based on that on something that they that they feel that they're not good at. They're not they're, they're not meeting a certain expectation, or sometimes even things that they admire and someone else or wish they were more of. And, or they, they set goals around what perceived weaknesses. And those kinds of goals usually are the ones I mean, I've heard a statistic as high as 90%, that don't, don't work out like those resolutions don't usually make it past February, right. But under positive psychology, you would sit and reflect on the things that went right in the year, or like the progress you made, or the relationships that brought meaning and purpose, or our comfort, or the work. The work assignments that brought you the most satisfaction, and you would consider how you could build on what has already worked. Or I mean, maybe that's worked on the past, and then your greatest opportunities are in your strengths, and what is already working to figure out a way forward. So strength base,

Unknown Speaker 12:40
okay, strength base. So I want to so I know that you and I both were trained in the medical model, and the medical model, historically, is providers assessing symptoms and pathology, and, and labeling. And we did not focus so much on identifying strengths, or what has worked in the past, because that's not really how we were trained some many years ago, then in the field, we had this huge paradigm shift, where we went from assessing pathology and labeling to assessing strengths and identifying what has worked in the past to really become more positive, and even how we engage and provide clinical services to individuals and families. So I think human nature, though, is is for us to lean in the direction of thinking about what's not going right or what's going wrong. And being negative in terms of maybe the narrative, the discourse that we hold in mind or even project into the world or say out loud versus us moving or going on to the other side, if you will of the pendulum where we're identifying what went well and and things that we might be grateful for, and then capitalizing and building off of that. Can you kind of speak a little bit, Nicole about how individuals may start the process to maybe thinking more positively about their themselves and just where they're at in life?

Unknown Speaker 14:28
I have two thoughts. One is that I would love for anyone listening to go to the via virtues and actions. It's li i a.com. And you'll see that there's a free survey to take and you can learn your characteristics and that's a really interesting, fun way to start. So I definitely encourage you to do that. In terms of like David when you were just talking about you know, the negativity bias like We are hardwired it's from an evolutionary standpoint to notice what has gone wrong. And when we do that, like, you know, how often do we hear oh, like that something triggered someone. And that could literally, of course, a trauma response. But let's say it's not, it's just a way of communicating that something bothered you, right. And we story it. And we might, we might tell you about why, like, you could easily say that it was connected to your fourth grade teacher or something your mom did, or, you know, and we're, we, we, we story it, we spend time sharing these frustrations and our understanding of our triggers are these things that disrupt us from, you know, our date or our emotions. But we don't do the same things with what Deborah Dana, coined as glimmers, which are the opposite of triggers, like moments of calm safety connection, where you just get that kind of wash of warmth, or calm or, you know, like, just like, an elevated feeling. They do pass by us, but because from an evolutionary standpoint, we didn't have to attend to those things, because they didn't mean that we weren't safe, right? Like the whole point of triggers is like they they were, they've been hardwired, and that's for our safety. But our brains aren't skilled enough to know when when we aren't actually in danger, right. But going back to the glimmers, it's like we don't story are glamorous, we don't go, oh, I that that person's smile just warmed my heart. I think it's because her smile was like my fourth grade teacher or that was like my mom, where she just, you know, she reminds me of x or I just needed that smile today, like we don't story are glimmers, we don't pay attention to why. And we certainly don't share them with them. Like we don't at the coffee, you know, like around the coffee machine, say, Oh, I just have a glamour, like, I just had this warm moment, like this moment of connection. Like we were just so much more apt to talk about things that go wrong. And what I would just encourage listeners is to consider talking with their friends and their families, partners, colleagues about things that go right, and be curious about why they went right and story those things, to help come back and provide balance to this negative bias that we all have, that is so ingrained in us all.

Unknown Speaker 17:44
Yeah, this is so this is really powerful stuff, Nicole, you know, this, this idea, this concept of glimmers and how glimmers can counter act, if you will, triggers. And and I feel you know, triggers are how we think about this concept is sometimes you know, it's it they trigger a trauma can become part of our DNA. And and then we need to for those of us that choose to do the work to deal with the trauma, so that we don't get stuck in life and we can move forward and having healthy relationships and living life and being happy. You know, that for many people can be fearful because of the process that that one engages in, to kind of make sense of one's trauma and and and learning how to manage triggers and how to not be so powerless to history and and how that can have so much hold. And sometimes I think chains chain individuals to being stuck and not really having the capacity or the strength or the courage really to or the know how to how to kind of start being unleashed from those chains that hold us down so strongly. And I think it takes a lot of sometimes motivation and courage to be able to engage in this process. And so I really love this idea though, glimmers and really holding in mind though, and being mindful of it too. Kind of push individuals to thinking more positively just about their existence.

Unknown Speaker 19:39
What's interesting, what's interesting is some of this though, like with glimmers and triggers is triggers are often associated with, like pre cognitive like meaning. So our nervous systems or hardwire or parasit sympathetic nervous system should pick up on cues pre K alternatively write, like when we get the hairs on the back of our neck or like, a smell. Like we have a reaction physiologically before, cognitively, we become aware, you know, and because we have our spidey senses all the time to keep us safe. But the same side of the coin, like literally, you know, with a vagus nerve is the is the part of our nervous system that's looking for calm comfort and safety. And our brains are really good at it. Like we are always evaluating our environment, you know, for our safety. And oftentimes, we are feeling safe, but we totally disregard that, right? Like we don't say, B, because again, we see this as not important data and less and less where we are, we're in danger, right? So like, we've been trained to be like, we just have to be on high alert. But all of these moments are safety, that are constantly happening as you come and go into different buildings or to the office, or when you go into a restaurant, like where you're greeted with comfort, you know, you don't attend to it. And so it's starting to notice, like, oh, my gosh, my body is always protecting me in this way, and showing me all the times I'm safe. But I only give my attention to the times when it tells me that I'm not.

Unknown Speaker 21:32
So what would what would you recommend, Dr. Andrea, that if so, so this concept or this, this term comes to mind fight or flight. And, and you know that that, like you said is evolutionary, I mean, it's in our DNA, it's just how we're constructed as human beings. And as we experience, life events and interactions, you know, we code and our DNA, how to respond to certain things. And so if an individual is presenting hypervigilant, frequently, frequently enough, where it's becoming an issue in terms of their daily level of functioning, what would you recommend in an individual doing to kind of start the process and not feeling so on the edge all the time?

Unknown Speaker 22:26
So, I mean, I mean, as you know, I mean, with all your clinical expertise, David, like, there, there is, depending on where someone is, like, there are some more immediate things that we have to do to help decrease symptoms that are more acute, that, you know, maybe that that this work that I'm talking about, might come after, you know, like, for example, someone's dealing with, you know, PTSD and such, but, but for for those of us that are trying to move north of neutral, I would I would recommend that when you have if you're able to identify the things that don't feel safe to you, that's good, you can come up with a system or ways to address those things, but you should be equally aware of the things that work for you. You should know what are your safe spaces it safe places are and why and pay attention when some things you know if you have a positive relate you know, coworker or boss or a friend or I mean you know a place that you go or you know a park anything it's like you're when you're when you have that positive experience and you do feel safe or nurtured by something be curious why take into all the elements what it story that to don't only story and know why something doesn't work for you and what causes you know, produces anxiety or discomfort be just as curious about when something goes well and story it and know why? Because you want to revisit those places in different ways quite literally or figuratively. You know, like, I always feel more calm and settled after I leave yoga. You know, what all contribute to that like I love the the key did more. It seems like the warm seems to even add to that I liked that particular teacher why? She has a soft tone. She liked I like her philosophy. What do I like about her philosophy is how did that inspire me and like so I might go read you know, the, from the philosopher that the yoga teacher spoke to or I might do more things in warm environments like photo Asana because I know that that I like the heated yoga like, like you can expand on the things that worked when you get really curious about why you had more moments of calm and comfort or like elevated mood.

Unknown Speaker 25:10
This is such a high level. Absolutely. So Nicole, this is such a high level conversation that I don't believe happens at our dinner table. And and one of the joys for me to guest host on behalf of Zondra, Picard on, it's where I am, is because I get to bring forth to the community and listeners of KU envy 91.5 FM, different theoretical therapy models and interventions. And I get to advocate for mental health and help reduce the stigma of accessing care and asking for help when you're feeling vulnerable. And and this conversation that you and I are engaging in this morning, is is really powerful, because I think it's really exposing this idea, focusing on what's working well, and focusing on positivity, and trying to live in a different way that I believe so many of us don't live in, in such a conscious manner in which we're focusing on deconstructing and taking away stress and ideally, life and learning maybe how to hold interactions and conversations that typically might bring some heaviness or stress or negativity into a life, but learning how to how to view it from a lens where it's not having that same negative impact maybe.

Unknown Speaker 26:57
Yes, absolutely. I mean, it's, it's like, if anything, it's just a really interesting lens to put on. And just take a moment, you know, look through this strength base lens, take time to understand, you know, your gifts, your strengths, the things that bring you the most purpose, enjoy these things that come effortless to you, you know, like your kindness, your gratitude, your perseverance, you know, your, your love of learning your curiosity, like these things that, that a lot of times you people don't even recognize them recognize them as a strength they are because they just come so naturally. Like, like, and, and so they admire other people strength, because they are more difficult. But, you know, for them, like for me, for example, when a self regulation is one is a goal, like and those people could follow an exercise program to a tee and a diet and like, are just very good at maintaining, you know, schedule, and that's really difficult for me, you know, but, you know, you know, but I have other gifts is my kind of my point. And it's like, in this in this model, you know what you yours are and you really own them. And then you get really good at also recognizing other people's strengths and just admiring them, but not wanting them as your own. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 28:28
I love that. I love that. So Dr. Nicola diretta. If individuals wanted to reach out to you what is a way that they can reach out services with you? Great,

Unknown Speaker 28:38
yes. So my website is Dr. Dr. Dot Nicole, and I see oh, EANDREATT a.com This work is really relevant to teens like leaders, being a strength based leader, doing workshops with colleagues to learn about their strengths and what you know, where they are getting their meaning and purpose and helping, you know, understand what's driving them can be really powerful way to bond with teams and to build productivity and connectivity, all the things So

Unknown Speaker 29:19
absolutely, it sounds amazing work that you are doing Nicole, it's fascinating to me and I can really see the benefit that it's having in individuals lives. I want to thank you so much for taking the time to be on. It's where I am on 91.5 FM K u NMB. I'm Dr. G and until next time, see you then

Transcribed by https://otter.ai