It's Where I Am with Zandra Polard

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Zandra Polard 0:43
Good morning Las Vegas. It's Zandra Pollard. It's where I am, the show that focuses on mental health and wellness. Today, my guest is Dr Andrea gigline, who is here to talk to us about positive psychology. Give us some. Give us some. Yes.

Unknown Speaker 1:09
Well, you know, there's a million different places that I can start with positive psychology. But you know, for me, the main attraction, excuse me, was the word positive in front of psychology. And I will say that that was a main shift. I'd been in this game and the whole game of psychology for a few decades already, when all of a sudden the field of positive psychology came into being, and the declaring line in the sand that one of the founding, if not the founding father, Marty Seligman, declared, was that as a history of psychology, we were always trying to figure out what made sick people sick. And instead, he moved the focus to let's look at people who are thriving, flourishing, and let's find out what they're doing. So it kind of flipped the script on how you looked at at well being and mental health. You stopped trying to to analyze your depression and talk about your depression into oblivion, and instead, continually developed ways and techniques of understanding, how do I stay well,

Zandra Polard 2:32
yes, yeah. Well, that makes sense to me, because we do focus on the negative part of it, don't we? You know, maybe that's why we have the stigma

Unknown Speaker 2:42
and and I will say that that is the thing that is, we must become aware the whole concept of mental health. Awareness, critical, critical, critical. I will, you know, do everything in my power to help people go from the point of awareness into an action, so that you take your power back early psychology, in my experience, their therapies really spent the time understanding why I was in the hole I was in. And so every session, everything you did, was about the whole that I'm not a person who relates to that, so I wasn't getting, quote, unquote better. I don't like hanging on to the story that got me in the hole. Okay? And what positive psychology allowed was that space that said, Oh yeah, we get in holes. That's almost a natural part of being a human. However, you can get out of that hole through your own activities. You're managing your thoughts. I mean, that's the biggest, that's the biggest thing.

Zandra Polard 4:03
That's huge because, you know, I have to tell myself daily, as an educator, to stop complaining in my head and be grateful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 4:12
Well, and, and I do my best to appreciate you. Can say that to we're all blue in the face, and there are days that it just doesn't work. One of the many exercises that I used, and I actually had a seminar based on this, where you, the week before you came into the meeting, this seminar, you would before you got out of bed, write down the first thought, because you actually before you ever get out of that bed, you begin to have a thought. And if you're a mom who's got to get kids to school and then go off to work, I mean, before your feet hit the ground, you're running through the scenario of all the things you have to do. True, true. Okay? Tracking that over a few days gives you the personal data to then make certain shifts. Okay? Because we know that if those thoughts listen, I wish that I was the person who my feet hit the ground and I'm saying, Hallelujah. I can't wait for this new day. I stop laughing. Stop laughing. You know, I will say that I have gotten there. I actually spend five to seven minutes going through my whole body, starting at my toes and ending up at my brain, my thoughts, just saying thank you. And if I come across an acre of pain as I'm going up this body and down my spine and all that thing, I say, Thank you for the pain, I just start my brain in a thank you framework that is an exercise. I did not think to do that naturally. I trained myself and committed myself to doing it. And those are the types of things that positive psychology began to focus on that we you know, the founders, all the luminaries in the field thought, and your ability to catch your thoughts and reframe your thoughts becomes the groundwork,

Zandra Polard 6:25
right? Yes, yeah, because when I am when I realize that I'm being negative, right, it might be too late, right? You know, I don't know, but it's not something, honestly, that I have conditioned, trained myself to do and committed correct myself to do every day. So

Unknown Speaker 6:46
committed? Yes, that's the word committed. And if people can understand that it is a commitment and a choice, yes, and I would put the word choice first. You know, you know, I wish I was such a perfect human that I when I started this exercise, which was I change up what I do in my process, because, you know, you're as old as I am. You do a lot of different processes. You're in this work. I wish that I could say that I do it with joy. Initially, I don't, but I do it because I understand the science that said that the different choices that I make around how I think and how I capture my thoughts and transform them will make a difference in my life. I love that. Okay, yes, you know, and it doesn't cost any money. That's the other part of this work? Here's your free therapy. And this is the most important aspect of where we are in the world right now when it comes to well being, most of the groundwork of daily maintenance, and I want to stress the difference is this the work that you do when your mind has gone out of control, or, a life instance, has caught you by surprise and the hole is so deep you can't get out of it. It the darkness has set in and it's just not happening. No, this is not the time to have a conversation with someone like me who starts telling you, oh, you can do these little exercises. No, no, no. Look at this work as the same way that you were taught as a child to brush your teeth. There are new habits that you have to integrate into your life so that your life becomes better all the time. We learn to brush our teeth so we don't get cavities. We learn to do this work so that we don't put big, dark holes in our brains. And you begin this in the state when I say, you know, when the mind is normal, you know, I do not work in pathologies. I work in the normal range, and you're just letting those thoughts get out of control. Yes, that's my that's my venue of how I help.

Zandra Polard 9:07
Okay, yeah, wow. So tomorrow, yes, I promise this, because today is my birthday. Ah, I love it, yes. So tomorrow, I promise this, I will commit, before getting out of bed, to thank the Lord above, yep, for everything, all movement, all thoughts. And as you said, I should write down a few things, right? So what should I be writing down, okay? And

Unknown Speaker 9:41
I'm gonna say that's number one, happy birthday. Number two, start the gift to yourself tonight. One of the 12 founding exercises in positive psychology was something known, is something known as seeding your dreams. Okay,

Zandra Polard 9:58
I wanna hear this. Okay. It's him. Give it to him. So

Unknown Speaker 10:00
the the thing it's one thing to how you start your day. It also matters how you end your day. And one of the things about seeding your dreams is that you you do a run through on the day, and at each point that you wish something had been different, like a student wasn't nasty to you. You know, the traffic wasn't, you know, you wish things were a little different. You say to yourself, that was then, this is now. That was then, this is now. You put that to sleep, and then you seed your dreams if tomorrow was going to be a better day than today. What would happen? No

Zandra Polard 10:44
one would pick their noses.

Unknown Speaker 10:48
Oh, my God, he's in front of me after

Zandra Polard 10:52
digging in their nose. I mean, while you're talking, I'm just thinking of these little kids picking their noses, because that's what they do. Okay, that's what they did. Just it irks me to the end of the earth and then they want to touch you. Okay, okay, so how do I fix that there? That's a nightmare in itself. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 11:11
so the first part about that is some of the language that you used about it like you've already you've locked this thought in, yes, okay, you've left. But what you haven't locked in, I would suggest is a solution. How do I break this pattern the children are going to pick their noses? Okay? I would have a little tissue in my little pocket. Yes, okay. And I would, I would start a new action. You know, something as silly as that on the surface is you taking back your power. You're breaking the cycle of what annoys you, because the annoyance has started in your brain. There may be another human. I am not that human, but there may be another human that when a kid picks their nose, it makes them laugh. I do have a three and a half year old grandson. And I must say, it is, it is a full time occupation, and I have had, you know, we do funny things around it. It is something that, if you can catch but, and it's such a perfect example, because in that moment, your life is not in danger. If you have children, they're safe. Your mortgage is being paid, the salary. Nothing is it really at threat, but your annoyance level is beginning to escalate? Yes, and that's why it's so important for us to catch all of these things that appear to be minor irritations, because we've allowed our brains to make them major.

Zandra Polard 12:44
That's true.

Unknown Speaker 12:45
Okay, that's true. And that's the thing that takes a lifetime to learn that we actually are part of the problem, and that's what makes us 100% possible to be the solution. Okay, yeah,

Zandra Polard 13:01
yeah, okay, so I get it. I'm the problem.

Unknown Speaker 13:05
This is what happens. Turn my words around. Yeah, I'm

Zandra Polard 13:09
laughing at Wes our audio engineer who was smiling over there. So hey, Wes, I think you can probably relate to some of the things I'm saying. Well, as long as we can relate to what Dr gigline is saying, Yes, right? Yes, we need to change those thoughts. You're not in danger past the tissue,

Unknown Speaker 13:31
right? And actually like planet, like it. You know, this sounds weird, but make a list of the things that annoy you on a daily basis. But don't make that list unless you are you have enough time to actually sit there and then say, how could I break that what is the solution? Yeah, okay, because a good percentage of the population would spend way too much time making the list of annoyances.

Unknown Speaker 13:59
Yes and

Unknown Speaker 14:00
no solutions and no solutions, okay? And if you come upon something on that list and you think there is not a solution, that's when it's a great time to have a conversation with someone else, okay? And then that conversation allows you to do one of the many things in flourishing, which is engagement with another person. Okay, we tend to think we have to solve all of our problems by ourself. Yeah, okay, and we created a system that made us look better if we were the people who saw problems, and then we were the people who fixed the problem. Yes. So when we you started, and you actually said something at the beginning of the show, I didn't quite write it down, but it was, in essence, you know, it's all about the problems. You know, there's things that go wrong and yes, and we. Get a lot of excitement out of the fact that I spotted the if you're in, if you're in any type of mid management position, you come together, and it's the person who could see the most problems. You know, you don't get rewarded for bringing all the good stories into the meetings. You get rewarded for what's wrong. And then, of course, if you can start to have the solution. So we have walked our system at many levels, and that's why it takes such diligent effort on our part. This is a daily mental house cleaning activity, yes.

Zandra Polard 15:34
And you know, a lot of times on the show, I talk about journaling, but I don't quite talk about how, right? Great. So you mentioning the problem we may have, whatever it is correct, then working out a solution correct. And I think that's a great way to journal and

Unknown Speaker 15:54
and I want to speak to something that you brought up, and that is that you have a belief system, if I heard correctly, where you believe that God will is the person that will help you solve these problems. You want to be thankful in that direction, that that, if you know you have that belief system, that's part of what you use. You can write down some problems. You don't actually have to know the solution. You just have to know you are supported in it will work out. Whatever it is. It may not work out the way you want, yes, but it will work out. And so using all the tools in your tool, personal tool toolbox. You know, I have specific training for my spiritual beliefs that I am very clear that at those those moments. And I'll tell you what my cue is if I think I have to come up with a solution, something terrible has happened, and I'm writing it in my journal at five o'clock in the bleep and morning, and then I realized that I am unhappy because I don't know what to do. Oh, yes,

Zandra Polard 17:11
there's a lot of that in mine. Okay,

Unknown Speaker 17:13
that's the point at which I say, Oh, I remember my spiritual beliefs are centered in that I am never alone, okay? And at that moment I have that. Now there's a good percentage of the population that doesn't have that belief system, but you have something and but even when

Zandra Polard 17:34
you do, it's like, I forget that. Correct?

Unknown Speaker 17:36
Yeah, trust me, I am on a group every Sunday morning, and that's part of our conversation. How often we forget what we already know? Yes, amen to that. And that's the same thing with the all the techniques and positive psychology. It is not that we don't know how to shift. It is we forget that we have these resources, because as the brain works, it gets fired up. You know, someone ticks you off in your path, someone does something unkind or mean, and your brain goes into a defense mechanism it doesn't go into, oh, how could I respond with the greatest sweetness possible. No, this is true. Yep, that's what makes us human. But

Zandra Polard 18:28
you know, we've kind of gotten off subject. I want you to go back to this seating, seating,

Unknown Speaker 18:34
the dreams, yes, and then the journaling. I'll go back to those two things. So it would be lovely if you didn't just run through the exercise at night before bed of seating your dreams, but to actually write it out, as long as you then end with what, no matter what today was like, what would make tomorrow better? Oh, all right, okay, okay, so that you're seeding your dreams to come to solutions, one of the other techniques in seeding your dreams, so let's say you come say the answer is, I don't have one bleep an idea how to make tomorrow any better than this crappy day I had today. That's when you remember, you don't have to. You're only asking the question, okay, how do I make tomorrow better? So you've done that either mentally. Best is that you've written that down. You conclude it with just asking the question. That's another thing. We don't have to know the answer. But stop your brain from fussing about it, you know, let me show me what the answer can be. Maybe my dreams can show me the answer the next morning. Now, writing, journaling, one of the techniques to make sure you get into a good habit when you start journaling is to think of five things you are grateful. Four okay. Now, before your listeners roll their eyes, which I can sense through the microphone, I want you to know that when I was taught this, I was in graduate school, and I was taking a class on spirituality and leadership, and part of the the exercise, actually the entire class was going to be the the work I had to turn in was, literally does, developing a daily practice and then writing it out. And that became your paper. And I will tell you that the first lines that I was writing, because I thought this professor had lost her mind, that I would have enough time to be right getting up and writing this stuff down, like, I mean, I had a whole story around it, and it was like, I'm grateful I don't live her life, because she clearly has nothing to do. But it was the habit. It was the habit. And, you know, I pretty quickly got to, I'm grateful I have brown eyes. Oh, I'm grateful I have eyes. Oh, look, I also can write. Look at that. And I taught myself through this 90 days of this class to go down to such a minute level in my my arrogance and my anger, that this person thought I needed, that I had the kind of time that I could spend to do this exercise, that I realized that there are so many things that we do not pay attention to that other human beings do not have the ability or wherewithal to do those, those things we take so for granted, and if we could just focus on those things, and I will tell you, many years later, I developed an exercise for one of my workshops, where, when I taught gratitude, people had to every time they had They used the bathroom. No matter what activity took place, they had to say they were grateful for that activity. Oh, wow. And I will tell you that that was training in the minute, but it also was an appreciation of how many people with illnesses, children, old people, I mean, like, you don't know. We don't know what it's like all of a sudden to have to have a catheter and not be able to do the thing plumbing. That's work exactly. And if we could hold on to our gratitude at that level, it becomes much easier to see the flowers in bloom. It's amazing that when you get down to the minersha, how much you can push it forward. Yes,

Zandra Polard 23:07
yeah, wow. So are you still doing workshops now

Unknown Speaker 23:11
I do the one I am doing currently is the unicorn challenge, okay, the unicorn the unicorn challenge, yeah. So you know the glory of being in this work and being where I am in life is, and where I am in life is much closer to 70 than I am to 65 and I started a few years ago working with a unicorn. I literally have a unicorn, and I wanted to prove that you could be both successful and silly, because so much of the constructs that we create around what makes us unhappy, particularly in the workplace, which was my genre, was that we were doing things for a system that weren't even necessary. And so I took the very normal techniques, things that we're talking about today, I put together a 60 day challenge there. It's all free. The eBook is free. The one thing that is not totally free is I do, and it's I'm in the process of the last one for this quarter, I do one meeting per week. The only fee is a donation to Teach for America, Nevada of any size, and then not. You don't have to do the work on your own. There's four weeks where for an hour, you can get on a zoom call with a group, and we go through so you because it takes, it does take community to move this along. You know, community can hold us back or bring us forward. If you have friends that think all this stuff is silly, and talking about gratitude and doing journals and being, you know, writing things that you're great. For if they think it's silly, you're not going to feel supported. So, you know, that's actually one of the exercises. Do a little Friendship House cleaning, and make sure you do have an army of people, and it's amazing who's around you. But so yes, the answer to that is, I do online. I do private like I am hired to go into corporations and do facilitate groups in this manner, and I still have private client base that I work with, but my I am not a licensed therapist. I have a PhD. My focus is achievement in economic realms. That's right, yes, yes, yes, because that's where we spend the bulk of our day. You know, no matter what your age, whether you're 20, 3040, 5070, your life is really centered around, what do I do in order to maintain my life at an economic level. And so the importance of making that as good as possible is very, very important, because that's a lot of hours of your day. Yes,

Zandra Polard 26:14
yes. Well, and so how do people get information about the

Unknown Speaker 26:18
unicorn challenge? Unicorn challenge? Okay, so the so my website is serving success.com. S, E, R, V, I N, G, S, U, C, C, E, S, s.com, if you get the spelling of my last name correct, I have a very I have everything's on YouTube, and it's G, o, e, g, l, e, i n, and if you just direct message the show, I can send you or and I can, I can give you all the links that the I wish I could be a little more hidden, but I am not okay.

Zandra Polard 26:53
Okay, so that's all they can find. You have the website now I know you previously had a podcast show I

Unknown Speaker 27:00
did in this very, very Hey boss lady. And I did it with, you know, it was one of those things, you know, so much of what I work in is transforming your feelings of what you want to achieve into actionable steps. So I started out with a client. She was we resolved the things that she came to me for within her job. But one of the many things I have you do is like, what else do you want to do? Like, what other things would be fun? I always use the word fun, like, what else? And in her case, she always talked about doing a podcast. So I threw the gauntlet down, and I said, Listen, I have a lot of media stuff in my my library, but I would do a few shows with you so that you could get used to and those few shows went over, I think, a three year period, yes, and it was called, Hey, boss lady, I'm in the process of currently re interviewing for my YouTube channel, some of the guests about where. Because, interestingly enough, we started in 19, and at the tail end of 19, and of course, 2020, occurred. So everything got delayed. And the way we did it got delayed. And we, you know, the women we talked to at that point, I'd like to revisit a number of them to to ask the question, what has changed and where is your hope today? Oh, yes, because my co host, Christy Atwater, she had ended each show with the question, What makes you hopeful? Okay, and our guest would answer that question, all right, so

Zandra Polard 28:47
Can people still find that? Oh, yes.

Unknown Speaker 28:50
So on iTunes, Spotify, Hey, boss lady, okay? Podcast, yes, it is also on my website. I have a podcast page, so all the shows are actually on the services your website, serving success.com.

Zandra Polard 29:05
Serving success.com. Yes. Well, there you have it. This was Dr Andrea gigline, yes, giving us some wonderful information. I hope you get started today, as I will today, seeding My dream has

Unknown Speaker 29:23
birthday dreams. That's right, yes.

Zandra Polard 29:25
So this is Andre Pollard. The show is. It's where I am. I'm here every Saturday at 7:30am Thank you 91.5 FM jazz and more. Thank you for tuning in. Have a great Saturday. Talk to you next week. You.

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